Whimsical wedding readings: Funny Wedding Readings

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Funny Wedding Readings

Love Me

by Bee Rawlinson

First up, probably the naughtiest one on the list, but side-splittingly good and with the sweetest ending.

Love me when I’m old and shocking
Peel off my elastic stockings
Swing me from the chandeliers
Let’s be randy bad old dears.
Push around my chromed bath chair
Let me tease your white chest hair
Scaring children, swapping dentures
Let us have some great adventures
Take me to the dogs and bingo
Teach me how to speak the lingo
Bone my eels and bring me tea
Show me how it’s meant to be
Take me to your special places
Watching all the puzzled faces
You in shorts and socks and sandals
Me with warts and huge love-handles
As the need for love enthrals
Wrestle with my damp proof smalls
Make me laugh without constraint
Buy me chocolate body paint

Hold me safe throughout the night
When my hair has turned to white
Believe me when I say it’s true
I’ve waited all my life for you  

 

Poem

by Ogden Nash

Short, sweet, to the point guidance for both halves.

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.  

 

‘Yes, I’ll Marry You’

by Pam Ayres

One of the more popular funny wedding readings and with good reason!

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear.

And here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,  
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.  
Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it,  
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.  
Yes, I’ll marry you,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.  
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!  
It’s you who has to work the drill
And put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT
It’s you who gets the flak,  
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do!  

 

Falling In Love Is Like Owning A dog

by Taylor Mali

A fantastic and highly relatable funny wedding reading for all the dog loving couples out there.

Falling in love is like owning a dog
First of all, it’s a big responsibility, especially in a city like [insert city].
So think long and hard before deciding on love.  

On the other hand, love gives you a sense of security: when you’re walking down the street late at night and you have a leash on love ‘ain’t no one going to mess with you.  

Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable. Who knows what love could do in its own defence?  

On cold winter nights, love is warm. It lies between you and lives and breathes and makes funny noises.
Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs. It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.  

Love doesn’t like being left alone for long. But come home and love is always happy to see you.
It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life, but you can never be mad at love for long.  

Is love good all the time? No! No!
Love can be bad.
Bad, love, bad!
Very bad love.  

Love makes messes. Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
Love needs lots of cleaning up after. Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.

Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper and swat love on the nose, not so much to cause pain, just to let love know don’t you ever do that again!  

Sometimes love just wants to go for a nice long walk. Because love loves exercise.
It runs you around the block and leaves you panting. It pulls you in several different directions at once, or winds around and around you until you’re all wound up and can’t move.  

But love makes you meet people wherever you go. People who have nothing in common but love stop and talk to each other on the street.

Throw things away and love will bring them back, again, and again, and again.  

But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
And in return, love loves you and never stops  

 

I Wanna Be Yours

by John Cooper Clarke

A light-hearted, whimsical wedding reading for those who don’t want anything too fluffy.

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust  

If you like your coffee hot
let me be your coffee pot
You call the shots
I wanna be yours  

I wanna be your raincoat
for those frequent rainy days

I wanna be your dreamboat
when you want to sail away  

Let me be your teddy bear
take me with you anywhere
I don’t care
I wanna be yours  

I wanna be your electric meter
I will not run out
I wanna be the electric heater
you’ll get cold without  

I wanna be your setting lotion
hold your hair in deep devotion
Deep as the deep Atlantic ocean
that’s how deep is my devotion  

 

All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

by Robert Fulgham

Full of eternal wisdom relatable by everyone, with a nice little nod to companionship at the end.

All of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in Kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.  

These are the things I learned…
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don’t hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
Say sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

Give them to someone who feels sad.
Live a balanced life.
Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day.
Take a nap every afternoon.
Be aware of wonder.  

Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere.  

And it is still true, no matter how old you are when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.  

 

A Good Wedding Cake Recipe

by Anon

It’s a shame that the attribution for this is nowhere to be found, it’s a brilliantly funny wedding reading

4lb of love
1lb of good looks
1/2lb of sweet temper
1lb of butter of youth
1lb of blindness of faults
1lb of pounded wit
1lb of good humour
2lbs of sweet argument
1 pint of rippling laughter
1 wine glass of common sense
A dash of modesty

Put the love, good looks and a sweet temper into a well-furnished house. Beat the butter of youth into a cream and mix well together with the blindness of faults. Stir the pounded wit and good humour into the sweet argument, then add the rippling laughter and common sense.

Work it together until everything is well mixed and bake gently forever.  

 

He Never Leaves The Seat Up

by Anon

If you find you share a resemblance with the characters in this wedding reading then, by all means, give your guests a laugh.

He never leaves the seat up
Or wet towels upon the floor
The toothpaste has the lid on
And he always shuts the door!  

She’s very clean and tidy
Though she may sometimes delude
Leave your things out at your peril
In a second they’ll have moved!  

He’s a very active person
As are all his next of kin
Whereas she likes lazy days
He’ll still drag her to the gym!  

He romances her and dines her
Home-cooked dinners and the like
He even knows her favourite food
And spoils her day and night!  

She’s thoughtful when he looks at her
A smile upon his face
Will he look that good in 50 years
When his dentures aren’t in place?!  

He says he loves her figure
And her mental prowess too
But when gravity takes her over
Will she charm with her IQ?  

She says she loves his kindness
And his patience is a must
And of course, she thinks he’s handsome
Which in her eyes is a plus!  

They’re both not wholly perfect
But who are we to judge
He can be pig-headed
Whereas she won’t even budge!  

All that said and done
They love the time they spent together
And I hope as I’m sure you do
That this fine day will last forever.  

He’ll be more than just her husband
He’ll also be her friend
And she’ll be more than just his wife
She’ll be his soul mate – till the end.  

 

I’ll Be There For You

by Louise Cuddon

Not to be confused by the famous Friends theme tune (although that would make a funny wedding reading itself!), this reading does a great job at painting a picture of life’s realities.

I’ll be there my darling, through thick and through thin
When your mind’s in a mess and your head’s in a spin
When your plane’s been delayed, and you’ve missed the last train.
When life is just threatening to drive you insane  

When your thrilling whodunit has lost its last page
When somebody tells you, you’re looking your age
When your coffee’s too cool, and your wine is too warm
When the forecast said “Fine”, but you’re out in a storm  

When your quick break hotel, turns into a slum
And your holiday photos show only your thumb
When you park for five minutes in a resident’s bay
And return to discover you’ve been towed away  

When the jeans that you bought in hope or in haste
Just stick on your hips and don’t reach around your waist
When the food you most like brings you out in red rashes
When as soon as you boot up the bloody thing crashes  

So my darling, my sweetheart, my dear…
When you break a rule, when you act the fool
When you’ve got the flu, when you’re in a stew
When you’re last in the queue, don’t feel blue

’cause I’m telling you, I’ll be there.  

 

Marriage

by Anon

Another ode to the realities of daily married life

Marriage is about giving and taking
And forging and forsaking
Kissing and loving and pushing and shoving
Caring and sharing and screaming and swearing
About being together whatever the weather
About being driven to the end of your tether
About sweetness and kindness
And wisdom and blindness  

It’s about being strong when you’re feeling quite weak
It’s about saying nothing when you’re dying to speak
It’s about being wrong when you know you are right
It’s about giving in, before there’s a fight
It’s about you two living as cheaply as one
(you can give us a call if you know how that’s done!)  

Never heeding advice that was always well-meant
Never counting the cost until it’s all spent
And for you two today it’s about to begin
And for all that the two of you had to put in
Some days filled with joy, and some days with sadness
Too late you’ll discover that marriage is madness.  

 

I Like You

by Sandol Stoddard Warburg

And finally one of our absolute favourite funny wedding readings that discloses the intimacies of marriage.

I like you and I know why
I like you because you are a good person to like
I like you because when I tell you something special, you know it’s special
And you remember it a long, long time
You say, Remember when you told me something special
And both of us remember  

When I think something is important you think it’s important too
We have good ideas
When I say something funny, you laugh
I think I’m funny and you think I’m funny too
Hah-hah!  

I like you because you know where I’m ticklish
And you don’t tickle me there except just a little tiny bit sometimes
But if you do, then I know where to tickle you too
You know how to be silly – that’s why I like you
If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag,
then you are getting ready to jump
HOORAY  

I like you because when I am feeling sad
You don’t always cheer me up right away
Sometimes it is better to be sad
You can’t stand the others being so googly and gaggly every single minute
You want to think about things
It takes time  

I like you because if I am mad at you
Then you are mad at me too
It’s awful when the other person isn’t
They are so nice and oooh you could just about punch them on the nose  

I can’t remember when I didn’t like you
It must have been lonesome then
Even if it was the 999th of July
Even if it was August
Even if it was way down at the bottom of November
I would go on choosing you
And you would go on choosing me
Over and over again
And that’s how it would happen every time

23 Funny Wedding readings you will love ~ KISS THE BRIDE MAGAZINE

Reading Time: 11 minutes

The wedding ceremony can be quite a solemn occasion, there are a lot of nerves and families are feeling emotional so what better way to break the ice by having a couple of funny wedding readings to fall back on in the service.

As a side note a lovely gift idea for a newly engaged couple is a book on wedding readings and poems which you can find on amazon.

One thing I wish I had done was get a print done of our favourite wedding readings, the power of uplifting words and quotes are great in the home.  It’s also a great way to remember your wedding day.

Credit: Type by Alice on Etsy

Don’t worry about keeping your wedding readings formal or traditional, many couples opt for humorous wedding readings to lighten up the ceremony.  The main thing is the wedding ceremony readings should reflect you both as a couple.  Most wedding ceremonies include two wedding readings but if you wanted a third just make sure to use short wedding readings.

Related Posts:
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  3. The must have Wedding Planner (and it is FREE)

Credit:Jack and Ellie Designs on Etsy

Finding the perfect wedding reading for your wedding ceremony can be quite a challenge! You may even be wondering what the rules are regarding wedding readings and whether your choices will be suitable.   If your ceremony reading is to be read out in church you may want to run your choices past the vicar.  In terms of a civil service ceremony you need to check with your registrar as to whether any religious references can be included.

Finally, you need to decide who will be speaking at your ceremony it is a really good way to include close family and friends but just remember its not everyone’s cup of tea.

Funny Wedding Readings

1. Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

Congratulations!Today is your day.You’re off to Great Places!You’re off and away!You have brains in your head.You have feet in your shoes.You can steer yourself any direction you choose.You’re on your own. And you know what you know.  And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.You’ll look up and down streets. Look ’em over with care.  About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.   And you may not find any you’ll want to go down.  In that case, of course,you’ll head straight out of town.  It’s opener therein the wide open air.  Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.  And then things start to happen,don’t worry.  Don’t stew.  Just go right along.  You’ll start happening too.”

2. Tom Robbins,  Still Life With Woodpecker!

As funny wedding readings go I love this one, it’s a gentle nod against wedding traditions too which will suit many couples today.

‘Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words ‘make’ and ‘stay’ become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.’

3. A Vow by Wendy Cope

I cannot promise never to be angry;

I cannot promise always to be kind.

You know what you are taking on, my darling –

It’s only at the start that love is blind.

And yet I’m still the one you want to be with

And you’re the one for me – of that I’m sure.

You are my closest friend, my favourite person,

The lover and the home I’ve waited for.

I cannot promise that I will deserve you

From this day on. I hope to pass that test.

I love you and I want to make you happy.

I promise I will do my very best.

4. Love is  by Adrian Henri

Love is…

Love is feeling cold in the back of vans

Love is a fanclub with only two fans

Love is walking holding paint stained hands

Love is.

Love is fish and chips on winter nights

Love is blankets full of strange delights

Love is when you don’t put out the light

Love is

Love is the presents in Christmas shops

Love is when you’re feeling Top of the Pops

Love is what happens when the music stops

Love is

Love is white panties lying all forlorn

Love is pink nightdresses still slightly warm

Love is when you have to leave at dawn

Love is

Love is you and love is me

Love is prison and love is free

Love’s what’s there when you are away from me

Love is…

Funny wedding readings

5. A lovely Love Story by Edward Monkton

The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage.

Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur.

The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.

I like this Dinosaur thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.

Although he is fierce he is also tender and he is funny.

He is also quite clever though I will not tell him this for now.

I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur, thought the Dinosaur. She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice.

She is also a free spirit which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.

But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.

He is also overly fond of things.

Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?

But her mind skips from here to there so quickly thought the Dinosaur. She is also uncommonly keen on shopping.

Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?

I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. For they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.

I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping, thought the Dinosaur. For she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.

Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old.

Look at them.

Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.

And that, my friends, is how it is with love.

Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together.

For the sun is warm.

And the world is a beautiful place.

6. ATLAS by U.A. Fanthorpe

There is a kind of love called maintenance,which stores the WD40 and knows when to use it;

Which checks the insurance, and doesn’t forget The milkman; which remembers to plant bulbs;

Which answers letters; which knows the way The money goes, which deals with dentists

And Road Fund Tax and meeting trains,

And postcards to the lonely; which upholds

The permanently rickety elaborate

Structures of living; which is Atlas.

And maintenance is the sensible side of love,

Which knows what time and weather are doing

To my brickwork; insulates my faulty wiring;

Laughs at my dry rotten jokes; remembers

My need for gloss and grouting; which keeps

My suspect edifice upright in the air,

As Atlas did the sky.

Funny Wedding Poem

As funny wedding poems go Pam Ayres is as dry as they get and is perfect if your looking for different wedding ideas.

7. Yes I’ll Marry you my Dear by Pam Ayres

“Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,

And here’s the reason why;

So I can push you out of bed

When the baby starts to cry,

And if we hear a knocking

And it’s creepy and it’s late,

I hand you the torch you see,

And you investigate.

Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,

You may not apprehend it,

But when the tumble-drier goes

It’s you that has to mend it,

You have to face the neighbour

Should our labrador attack him,

And if a drunkard fondles me

It’s you that has to whack him.

Yes, I’ll marry you,

You’re virile and you’re lean,

My house is like a pigsty

You can help to keep it clean.

That sexy little dinner

Which you served by candlelight,

As I do chipolatas,

You can cook it every night!

It’s you who has to work the drill and put up curtain track,

And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,

I do see great advantages,

But none of them for you,

And so before you see the light,

I do, I do, I do.”

8. He Never Leaves The Seat Up – Anon

Have you wedding guests rolling in the aisles and then tearing up at the end with this funny wedding poem.

He never leaves the seat up

Or wet towels upon the floor

The toothpaste has the lid on

And he always shuts the door!

She’s very clean and tidy

Though she may sometimes delude

Leave your things out at your peril

In a second they’ll have moved!

He’s a very active person

As are all his next of kin

As are all his next of kin

Whereas she likes lazy days

He’ll still drag her to the gym!

He romances her and dines her

Home cooked dinners and the like

He even knows her favourite food

And spoils her day and night!

She’s thoughtful when he looks at her

A smile upon his face

Will he look that good in 50 years

When his dentures aren’t in place?!

He says he loves her figure

And her mental prowess too

But when gravity takes her over

Will she charm with her IQ?

She says she loves his kindness

And his patience is a must

And of course she thinks he’s handsome

Which in her eyes is a plus!

They’re both not wholly perfect

But who are we to judge

He can be pig headed

Whereas she won’t even budge!

All that said and done

They love the time they spent together

And I hope as I’m sure you do

That this fine day will last forever.

He’ll be more than just her husband

He’ll also be her friend

And she’ll be more than just his wife

She’s be his soul mate – till the end.

9. I wanna be yours by John Cooper-Clarke

‘I wanna be your vacuum cleaner

breathing in your dust

I wanna be your Ford Cortina

I will never rust

If you like your coffee hot

let me be your coffee pot

You call the shots

I wanna be yours

I wanna be your raincoat

for those frequent rainy days

I wanna be your dreamboat

when you want to sail away

Let me be your teddy bear

take me with you anywhere

I don’t care

I wanna be yours

I wanna be your electric meter

I will not run out

I wanna be the electric heater

you’ll get cold without

I wanna be your setting lotion

hold your hair in deep devotion

Deep as the deep Atlantic ocean

that’s how deep is my devotion.

Wedding Readings for Friends

These next three funny wedding readings are great for married friends to read, we love the subtle humour and the sweet messages.

10. A Word to Husbands’ by Ogden Nash

To keep your marriage brimming,

With love in the loving cup,

Whenever you’re wrong admit it;

Whenever you’re right shut up.

11. Marriage – Anon

Marriage is about giving and taking

And forging and forsaking

Kissing and loving and pushing and shoving

Caring and sharing and screaming and swearing

About being together whatever the weather

About being driven to the end of your tether

About sweetness and kindness

And wisdom and blindness

It’s about being strong when you’re feeling quite weak

It’s about saying nothing when you’re dying to speak

It’s about being wrong when you know you are right

It’s about giving in, before there’s a fight

It’s about you two living as cheaply as one

(you can give us a call if you know how that’s done!)

Never heeding advice that was always well meant

Never counting the cost until it’s all spent

And for you two today it’s about to begin

And for all that the two of you had to put in

Some days filled with joy, and some days with sadness

Too late you’ll discover that marriage is madness

12. Be my Homer

This is a great wedding reading for friends to read at your wedding ceremony funny and sweet it will definitely be a crowd pleaser.

Be my Homer

I wanna be your Marge.

If I’m your Norfolk Broads

Will you be my barge?

Let’s please be Tom and Barbara,

I will show you The Good Life.

Even though we’re not yet married

I would love to be your wife.

I’ve the passion Lily Munster

has for her dear Herman.

I would love you if you were ginger,

I would love you if you were German.

Like Mr and Mrs Huxtable,

We’d smooch even when we’re wrinkly.

I’ll even consider ironing your shirts,

But I hope you like them crinkly.

Like Mr and Mrs Incredible

I’m flexible and you’re tough.

But if you promise to be my true love

That will always be enough.

Like Bonny and that Clyde guy

without all the dying.

Like Gwyneth and that Coldplay man

without all the crying.

My partner in crime, the love of my life,

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We have rounded up a great selection of my favourite funny wedding readings, but if these are not quite what your looking for I have added some really funny wedding quotes which you could use as part of a short wedding reading or even as inspiration for your wedding speeches.

Funny Marriage Quotes

Quotes are shorter pieces of text probably too short to be used on their own as a wedding reading.  However, they are great for adding into speeches where perhaps you just need to finish off with something humorous, these funny marriage quotes are just the ticket.

  1. The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous
  2. “All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.”—Red Skelton
  3. “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.”—Catherine Zeta-Jones
  4. “Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
  5. “Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.”—Neil Simon
  6. “Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
  7. “If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.”—Sigmund Freud
  8. “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
  9. “My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.” – Jack Benny
  10. “A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal. ” Anonymous
  11. “My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” -Henry Youngman

50 Unique Wedding Ceremony Readings To Bookmark ⋆ Ruffled

Modern couples are taking to personalization like never before, and one meaningful way to do this is having unique wedding ceremony readings that speak to you. A wedding reading is typically performed by a family member or friend after the processional takes place and the officiant has given the welcome and introduction. It’s a heartwarming way to convey what love, marriage, and commitment ultimately mean to you. In the past, most weddings featured the same passages for this portion of the ceremony, but more and more couples are embracing what makes them + their relationship unique, so they’re looking to literature, poetry, movies or songs instead! The possibilities are endless when you open these alternative channels, and today we wanted to share our favorite unique wedding ceremony readings we’ve seen of late. Here’s to feeling inspired!

Photo by Ken Tan with planning + design by Ruffled vendor, The Wedding Bliss Thailand and florals by IAMFLOWER

1. From Beginning to End by Robert Fulghum

You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks—all those sentences that began with “When we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will”—those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe”—and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart.  All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things we’ve promised and hoped and dreamed—well, I meant it all, every word. ” Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another—acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years.  Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this—is my husband, this—is my wife.

2. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin by Louis De Bernieres

Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body.   No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love,” which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

3. One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez

Madly in love after so many years … they enjoyed the miracle of loving each other as much at the table as in bed, and they grew to be so happy that even when they were two worn-out old people they kept on blooming like little children and playing together like dogs.

4. Jasper Jones by Craig Silvey

What I’m feeling, I think, is joy. And it’s been some time since I’ve felt that blinkered rush of happiness. This might be one of those rare events that lasts, one that’ll be remembered and recalled as months and years wind and ravel. One of those sweet, significant moments that leaves a footprint in your mind. A photograph couldn’t ever tell its story. It’s like something you have to live to understand. One of those freak collisions of fizzing meteors and looming celestial bodies and floating debris and one single beautiful red ball that bursts into your life and through your body like an enormous firework. Where things shift into focus for a moment, and everything makes sense. And it becomes one of those things inside you, a pearl among sludge, one of those big exaggerated memories you can invoke at any moment to peel away a little layer of how you felt, like a lick of ice cream. The flavor of grace.

One of those sweet, significant moments that leaves a footprint in your mind. A photograph couldn’t ever tell its story. It’s like something you have to live to understand.

5. The Book of Ecclesiasticus

A loyal friend is a safe shelter: whoever finds one has indeed found a treasure.

A loyal friend is something beyond price, there is no measuring his worth.

A loyal friend is the elixir of life, and those who respect the Lord will find one.

Whoever respects the Lord makes true friends, for as a person is, so is his friend too.

6. Love Sonnet 17 by Pablo Neruda

I don’t love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
Secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don’t know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom and carries hidden within itself the light of those flowers, and thanks to your love, darkly in my body lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

7. Untitled by R.M. Drake

You will be the clouds
and I will be the sky.
you will be the ocean
and I will be the shore.
you will be the trees
and I will be the wind.

whatever we are, you and I
will always collide.

8. The New Beginning by Kolapo Olufunk

“Like the warmth of the morning sun,
So do thoughts of you embrace me,
Revealing how alive I am
A glorious light of the new day,
so is your presence in my life,
relieving it of its shadows,
and marking the start of a new beginning.”

9. The Art of Marriage by Wilferd A. Peterson

The little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day.

It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted;
the courtship should not end with the honeymoon,
it should continue through all the years.

It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives.
It is standing together facing the world.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice,
but in the spirit of joy.

It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating
gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have wings of an angel.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.

It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.

It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

10. Always by Lang Leav

You were you
and I was I;
we were two
before our time

I was yours,
before I knew
and you have always
been mine too.

Photo by Ruffled vendor, Melia Lucida with planning by Elements by K.H & co and florals by Mandy Grace Designs

11. How Do I Love Thee by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

12. Love’s Philosophy by Percy Bysshe Shelley

The fountains mingle with the river,
And the rivers with the ocean;
The winds of heaven mix forever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single:
All things by a law divine
In another’s being mingle—
Why not I with thine?

See, the mountains kiss high heaven,
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister flower could be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea;
What are all these kissings worth,
If thou kiss not me?

13. Untitled by Christina Rossetti

What is the beginning? Love. What the course. Love still. What the goal. The goal is Love. On a happy hill Is there nothing then but Love? Search we sky or earth There is nothing out of Love Hath perpetual worth; All things flag but only Love, All things fail and flee; There is nothing left but Love Worthy you and me.

14. Buried Light by Beau Taplin

Home is not where
you are from

it is where
you belong.

Some of us
travel the whole
world to find it.

Others,
find it in a person.

15. A Marriage by Mark Twain

A marriage makes of two fractional lives a whole;

It gives two purposeless lives a work,

And doubles the strength of each to perform it.

It gives to two questioning natures a reason for living

And something to live for.

It will give new gladness to the sunshine,

A new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth

And a new mystery to life.

16. When Harry Met Sally

I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

17. The Wedding Singer

I want to make you smile whenever you’re sad. Carry you around when your arthritis is bad. All I want to do is grow old with you. I’ll get your medicine when your tummy aches. Build you a fire if the furnace breaks. Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you. I’ll miss you, Kiss you, Give you my coat when you are cold. Need you, Feed you, Even let you hold the remote control. So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink. Put you to bed if you’ve had too much to drink. I could be the man who grows old with you.  I want to grow old with you.

18. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

The future belongs to hearts even more than it does to minds. Love, that is the only thing that can occupy and fill eternity. In the infinite, the inexhaustible is requisite. Love participates of the soul itself. It is of the same nature. Like it, it is the divine spark; like it, it is incorruptible, indivisible, imperishable. It is a point of fire that exists within us, which is immortal and infinite, which nothing can confine, and which nothing can extinguish. We feel it burning even to the very marrow of our bones, and we see it beaming in the very depths of heaven … What a grand thing it is to be loved! What a far grander thing it is to love! The heart becomes heroic, by dint of passion. It is no longer composed of anything but what is pure; it no longer rests on anything that is not elevated and great. An unworthy thought can no more germinate in it, than a nettle on a glacier.

19. Sex and the City

His hello was the end of her endings.
Her laugh was their first step down the aisle.
His hand would be hers to hold forever.
His forever was as simple as her smile.
He said she was what was missing.
She said instantly she knew.
She was a question to be answered.
And his answer was “I do.

20. To Love Is Not To Possess by James Kavanaugh

To love is not to possess,

To own or imprison,

Nor to lose one’s self in another.

Love is to join and separate,

To walk alone and together,

To find a laughing freedom

That lonely isolation does not permit.

It is finally to be able

To be who we really are

No longer clinging in childish dependency

Nor docilely living separate lives in silence,

It is to be perfectly one’s self

And perfectly joined in permanent commitment

To another—and to one’s inner self.

Photo by Lauren Fair with planning + design by Arielle Fera Events, florals by Twisted Willow Flowers and gown from Ruffled vendor, Bridal Reflections

21. The Bridge Across Forever by Richard Bach

A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life.

22. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

23. Song of Solomon 8:6-7

“Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm;? for love is strong as death, passion fierce as the grave. ?Its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If one offered for love all the wealth of one’s house, it would be utterly scorned.”

24. Colossians 3:12-17

“As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” 

25. Romans 12:9-18

“Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” 

25. I Choose You by Sara Bareilles

Let the bough break, let it come down crashing. Let the sun fade out to a dark sky. I can’t say I’d even notice it was absent. ‘Cause I could live by the light in your eyes

I’ll unfold before you, What I have strung together. The very first words of a lifelong love letter

Tell the world that we finally got it all right. I choose you I will become yours and you will become mine…

There was a time when I would have believed them, If they told me that you could not come true. Just love’s illusion But then you found me And everything changed And I believe in something again.

My whole heart. Will be yours forever. This is a beautiful start, To a lifelong love letter

Tell the world that we finally got it all right. I choose you. I will become yours and you will become mine…

We are not perfect we’ll learn from our mistakes, And as long as it takes I will prove my love to you. I am not scared of the elements I am underprepared, But I am willing. And even better I get to be the other half of you.

27. There Will Be Time by Mumford and Sons, featuring Baaba Maal

But in the cold light I live to love and adore you
It’s all that I am, it’s all that I have
In the cold light I live, I only live for you
It’s all that I am, it’s all that I have

28. Winnie the Pooh by A. A. Milne

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together… there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart… I’ll always be with you.

29. The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room.
“Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

30. How Falling in Love is Like Owning a Dog by Taylor Mali

On cold winter nights, love is warm.
It lies between you and lives and breathes
and makes funny noises.
Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs.
It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.

Love doesn’t like being left alone for long.
But come home and love is always happy to see you.
It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
but you can never be mad at love for long.

Is love good all the time? No! No!
Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.

Love makes messes.
Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
Love needs lots of cleaning up after.
Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper
and swat love on the nose,
not so much to cause pain,
just to let love know, “Don’t you ever do that again!”

Sometimes love just wants to go out for a nice long walk.
Because love loves exercise. It will run you around the block
and leave you panting, breathless. Pull you in different directions
at once, or wind itself around and around you
until you’re all wound up and you cannot move.

But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
People who have nothing in common but love
stop and talk to each other on the street.

Throw things away and love will bring them back,
again, and again, and again.
But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
And in return, love loves you and never stops.

Photo by Brett Loie with planning + design by Feathered Arrow Events and florals by Inessa Nichols Design from this vibrant Indian wedding

31. Letter from Johnny Cash to June Carter (1994) 

‘We get old and get used to each other. We think alike. We read each others’ minds. We know what the other wants without asking. Sometimes we irritate each other a little bit.

Maybe sometimes take each other for granted. But once in a while, like today, I meditate on it and realise how lucky I am to share my life with the greatest woman I ever met.’

See Also

32. Evelina by Frances Burney

“I revere you. I esteem and admire you above all human beings. You are the friend to whom my soul is attached as to its better half. You are the most amiable, the most perfect of women. And you are dearer to me than language has the power of telling… You are now all my own… How will my soul find room for its happiness? It seems already bursting!” 

33. Marriage Joins Two People In the Circle of Its Love by Edmund O’Neill

Marriage is a commitment to life,
the best that two people can find and bring out in each other.
It offers opportunities for sharing and growth
that no other relationship can equal.
It is a physical and an emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.Within the circle of its love,
marriage encompasses all of life’s most important relationships.

A wife and a husband are each other’s best friend,
confidant, lover, teacher, listener, and critic.
And there may come times when one partner is heartbroken or ailing,
and the love of the other may resemble
the tender caring of a parent or child.

Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life.
Happiness is fuller, memories are fresher,
commitment is stronger, even anger is felt more strongly,
and passes away more quickly.

Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life
is unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life,
new experiences, new ways of expressing
a love that is deeper than life.

When two people pledge their love and care for each other in marriage,
they create a spirit unique unto themselves which binds them closer
than any spoken or written words.
Marriage is a promise, a potential made in the hearts of two people
who love each other and takes a lifetime to fulfill.

34. Wild Awake by Hilary T. Smith

“People are like cities: We all have alleys and gardens and secret rooftops and places where daisies sprout between the sidewalk cracks, but most of the time all we let each other see is is a postcard glimpse of a skyline or a polished square. Love lets you find those hidden places in another person, even the ones they didn’t know were there, even the ones they wouldn’t have thought to call beautiful themselves.”

35. The History of Love by Nicole Krauss

“Once upon a time, there was a boy. He lived in a village that no longer exists, in a house that no longer exists, on the edge of a field that no longer exists, where everything was discovered, and everything was possible. A stick could be a sword, a pebble could be a diamond, a tree, a castle. Once upon a time, there was a boy who lived in a house across the field, from a girl who no longer exists. They made up a thousand games. She was queen and he was king. In the autumn light, her hair shone like a crown. They collected the world in small handfuls, and when the sky grew dark, they parted with leaves in their hair.

Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”

36. Love is an Adventure by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

“Love is an adventure and a conquest. It survives and develops like the universe itself only by perpetual discovery. The only right love is that between couples whose passion leads them both, one through the other, to a higher possession of their being. Put your faith in the spirit which dwells between the two of you. You have each offered yourself to the other as a boundless field of understanding, of enrichment, of mutually increased sensibility. You will meet above all by entering into and constantly sharing one another’s thoughts, affections, and dreams. There alone, as you know, in spirit, which is arrived through flesh, you will find no disappointments, no limits. There alone the skies are ever open for your love; there alone lies the great road ahead.”

37. Every Day by David Levithan

“This is what love does: It makes you want to rewrite the world. It makes you want to choose the characters, build the scenery, guide the plot. The person you love sits across from you, and you want to do everything in your power to make it possible, endlessly possible. And when it’s just the two of you, alone in a room, you can pretend that this is how it is, this is how it will be.”

38. A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway

“At night, there was the feeling that we had to come home, feeling no longer alone, waking in the night to find the other one there, and not gone away; all other things were unreal. We slept when we were tired and if we woke the other one woke too so one was not alone. Often a man wishes to be alone and a woman wishes to be alone too and if they love each other they are jealous of that in each other, but I can truly say we never felt that. We could feel alone when we were together, alone against the others. We were never lonely and never afraid when we were together.”

39. Lament: The Faerie Queen’s Deception by Maggie Stiefvater

“You’re like a song that I heard when I was a little kid but I forgot I knew until I heard it again.”

40. Our Souls Are Mirrors by Rupi Kaur

god must have kneaded you and i
from the same dough
rolled us out as one on the baking sheet
must have suddenly realized
how unfair it was
to put that much magic in one person
and sadly split that dough in two
how else is it that
when i look in the mirror
i am looking at you
when you breathe
my own lungs fill with air
that we just met but we
have known each other our whole lives
if we were not made as one to begin with

Photo by Ruffled vendor, Raw Shoots

41. I’ll Be There For You by Louise Cuddon

I’ll be there my darling, through thick and through thin
When your mind’s in a mess and your head’s in a spin
When your plane’s been delayed, and you’ve missed the last train.
When life is just threatening to drive you insane
When your thrilling whodunit has lost its last page
When somebody tells you, you’re looking your age
When your coffee’s too cool, and your wine is too warm
When the forecast said “Fine”, but you’re out in a storm
When your quick break hotel, turns into a slum
And your holiday photos show only your thumb
When you park for five minutes in a resident’s bay
And return to discover you’ve been towed away
When the jeans that you bought in hope or in haste
Just stick on your hips and don’t reach round your waist
When the food you most like brings you out in red rashes
When as soon as you boot up the bloody thing crashes
So my darling, my sweetheart, my dear…
When you break a rule, when you act the fool
When you’ve got the flu, when you’re in a stew
When you’re last in the queue, don’t feel blue ’cause
I’m telling you, I’ll be there.

42. Variations On The Word Love by Margaret Atwood

This is a word we use to plug
holes with. It’s the right size for those warm
blanks in speech, for those red heart-
shaped vacancies on the page that look nothing
like real hearts. Add lace
and you can sell
it. We insert it also in the one empty
space on the printed form
that comes with no instructions. There are whole
magazines with not much in them
but the word love, you can
rub it all over your body and you
can cook with it too. How do we know
it isn’t what goes on at the cool
debaucheries of slugs under damp
pieces of cardboard? As for the weed-
seedlings nosing their tough snouts up
among the lettuces, they shout it.
Love! Love! sing the soldiers, raising
their glittering knives in salute.

Then there’s the two
of us. This word
is far too short for us, it has only
four letters, too sparse
to fill those deep bare
vacuums between the stars
that press on us with their deafness.
It’s not love we don’t wish
to fall into, but that fear.
This word is not enough but it will
have to do. It’s a single
vowel in this metallic
silence, a mouth that says
O again and again in wonder
and pain, a breath, a finger
grip on a cliffside. You can
hold on or let go.

43. Love Song by Henry Dumas

Beloved,
I have to adore the earth:

The wind must have heard
your voice once.
It echoes and sings like you.

The soil must have tasted
you once.
It is laden with your scent.

The trees honor you
in gold
and blush when you pass.

I know why the north country
is frozen.
It has been trying to preserve
your memory.

I know why the desert
burns with fever.
It was wept too long without you.

On hands and knees,
the ocean begs up the beach,
and falls at your feet.

I have to adore
the mirror of the earth.
You have taught her well
how to be beautiful.

44. The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo

“When he looked into her eyes, he learned the most important part of the language that all the world spoke — the language that everyone on Earth was capable of understanding in their heart. It was love. Something older than humanity, more ancient than the desert. What the boy felt at that moment was that he was in the presence of the only woman in his life, and that, with no need for words, she recognized the same thing. Because when you know the language, it’s easy to understand that someone in the world awaits you, whether it’s in the middle of the desert or in some great city. And when two such people encounter each other, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one’s dreams would have no meaning.”

45. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

“I have for the first time found what I can truly love—I have found you. You are my sympathy—my better self—my good angel—I am bound to you with a strong attachment. I think you good, gifted, lovely; a fervent, a solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my centre and spring of life, wrap my existence about you—and, kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one.”

46. The Apache Wedding Prayer

Now you will feel no rain, For each of you will be shelter to the other.

Now you will feel no cold, For each of you will be warmth to the other.

Now there is no more loneliness, For each of you will be companion to the other.

Now you are two bodies, But there is one life before you.

Go now to your dwelling place, To enter into the days of your togetherness.

And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

47. The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Reader

“It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.”

48. I Saw Two Clouds at Morning by John Brainard

I saw two clouds at morning,
Tinged with the rising sun,
And in the dawn they floated on,
And mingled into one;
I thought that morning cloud was blest,
It moved so sweetly to the west.

I saw two summer currents
Flow smoothly to their meeting,
And join their course, with silent force,
In peace each other greeting:
Calm was their course through banks of green,
While dimpling eddies played between.

Such be your gentle motion,
Till life’s last pulse shall beat;
Like summer’s beam, and summer’s stream,
Float on, in joy, to meet
A calmer sea, where storms shall cease—
A purer sky, where all is peace. 

49. Untitled by R.M. Drake

but dear,
don’t be
afraid of
love, it’s
only magic.

50. For My Husband by Susan Loughlin

“Loving you has no end and no beginning
Loving you is everything
It is infinite in time
And limitless in magnitude
Beyond even my own comprehension
Your love brings me home
Enfolds me and warms me
In its eternal embrace
Endless and palpable
Beyond all life’s storms
A connection like no other
Twenty years long
But timeless in our hearts
Deep and true
Till’ death us do part.”

Photo by Masha Golub with planning by Blush Pink Events and decor + florals by Flo Kiosque

There are so many unique wedding ceremony readings out there to choose from – all you need to do is keep your eyes open! I hope this master list kickstarted a few ideas for you to start, and here’s to joyful tears all around.

Cover photo by Max Koliberdin with planning by ART Wedding

Funny wedding readings that’ll make you laugh AND cry

Photo by Jonas Seaman

We already gave you awesome wedding readings for bad-ass couples, but what if you’re less bad-ass and more wonderfully weird?

You could always use these sweet and silly wedding readings from children’s books, but here’s our collection of funny wedding readings taken from Dr. Seuss, Neil Gaiman, and even Douglas Adams.

Silly they may be, but believe it or not, they’re both weird AND wonderful… just like your particular brand of relationship.

Funny wedding readings

“Oh the Places You’ll Go,” by Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ’cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

Ariel the publisher of Offbeat Bride, doing a reading at the wedding of Meggyfin, the former editor of Offbeat Bride.

“I Rely on You,” by Hovis Presley

I rely on you
like a camera needs a shutter
like a gambler needs a flutter
like a golfer needs a putter
like a buttered scone involves some butter

I rely on you
like an acrobat needs ice cool nerve
like a hairpin needs a drastic curve
like an HGV needs endless derv
like an outside left needs a body swerve

I rely on you
like a handyman needs pliers
like an auctioneer needs buyers
like a laundromat needs driers
like The Good Life needed Richard Briers

I rely on you.

 

Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.
-Albert Einstein

“Falling in love is like owning a dog,” by Taylor Mali

First of all, it’s a big responsibility,
especially in a city like New York.
So think long and hard before deciding on love.
On the other hand, love gives you a sense of security:
when you’re walking down the street late at night
and you have a leash on love
ain’t no one going to mess with you.
Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable.
Who knows what love could do in its own defense?
On cold winter nights, love is warm.
It lies between you and lives and breathes
and makes funny noises.
Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs.
It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.

Love doesn’t like being left alone for long.
But come home and love is always happy to see you.
It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
but you can never be mad at love for long.
Is love good all the time? No! No!
Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.

Love makes messes.
Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
Love needs lots of cleaning up after.
Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper
and swat love on the nose,
not so much to cause pain,
just to let love know Don’t you ever do that again!

Sometimes love just wants to go for a nice long walk.
Because love loves exercise.
It runs you around the block and leaves you panting.
It pulls you in several different directions at once,
or winds around and around you
until you’re all wound up and can’t move.

But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
People who have nothing in common but love
stop and talk to each other on the street.

Throw things away and love will bring them back,
again, and again, and again.
But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
And in return, love loves you and never stops.

 

Wedding poems

“Yes, I’ll Marry You,” by Pam Ayres

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
And here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.

Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.

Yes, I’ll marry you,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!

It’s you who has to work the drill
and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do!

Photos by M. Felt Photography

“Foxtrot From a Play,” by W H Auden

The soldier loves his rifle,
The scholar loves his books,
The farmer loves his horses,
The film star loves her looks.
There’s love the whole world over
Wherever you may be;
Some lose their rest for gay Mae West,
But you’re my cup of tea.
Some talk of Alexander
And some of Fred Astaire,
Some like their heroes hairy
Some like them debonair,
Some prefer a curate
And some an A.D.C.,
Some like a tough to treat’em rough,
But you’re my cup of tea.

Some are mad on Airedales
And some on Pekinese,
On tabby cats or parrots
Or guinea pigs or geese.
There are patients in asylums
Who think that they’re a tree;
I had an ant who loved a plant,
But you’re my cup of tea.

Some have sagging waistlines
And some a bulbous nose
And some a floating kidney
And some have hammer toes,
Some have tennis elbow
And some have housemaid’s knee,
And some I know have got B.O.,
But you’re my cup of tea.

The blackbird loves the earthworm,
The adder loves the sun,
The polar bear an iceberg,
The elephant a bun,
The trout enjoys the river,
The whale enjoys the sea,
And dogs love most an old lamp-post,
But you’re my cup of tea.

Photo by Allison Andres

“The Day the Saucers Came,” by Neil Gaiman
That day, the saucers landed. Hundreds of them, golden,
Silent, coming down from the sky like great snowflakes,
And the people of Earth stood and
stared as they descended,
Waiting, dry-mouthed, to find what waited inside for us
And none of us knowing if we would be here tomorrow
But you didn’t notice it because

That day, the day the saucers came, by some coincidence,
Was the day that the graves gave up their dead
And the zombies pushed up through soft earth
or erupted, shambling and dull-eyed, unstoppable,
Came towards us, the living, and we screamed and ran,
But you did not notice this because

On the saucer day, which was the zombie day, it was
Ragnarok also, and the television screens showed us
A ship built of dead-men’s nails, a serpent, a wolf,
All bigger than the mind could hold,
and the cameraman could
Not get far enough away, and then the Gods came out
But you did not see them coming because

On the saucer-zombie-battling-gods
day the floodgates broke
And each of us was engulfed by genies and sprites
Offering us wishes and wonders and eternities
And charm and cleverness and true
brave hearts and pots of gold
While giants feefofummed across
the land, and killer bees,
But you had no idea of any of this because

That day, the saucer day, the zombie day,
The Ragnarok and fairies day, the
day the great winds came
And snows, and the cities turned to crystal, the day
All plants died, plastics dissolved, the day the
Computers turned, the screens telling
us we would obey, the day
Angels, drunk and muddled, stumbled from the bars,
And all the bells of London were sounded, the day
Animals spoke to us in Assyrian, the Yeti day,
The fluttering capes and arrival of
the Time Machine day,
You didn’t notice any of this because
you were sitting in your room, not doing anything
not even reading, not really, just
looking at your telephone,
wondering if I was going to call.

A reading at Heather & Ben’s wedding. Photo by One Love Photo

From Douglas Adams’ “So Long and Thanks for All the Fish”

There was a sort of gallery structure in the roof space which held a bed and also a bathroom which, Fenchurch explained, you could actually swing a cat in, “But,” she added, “only if it was a reasonably patient cat and didn’t mind a few nasty cracks about the head. So. Here you are.”

“Yes.”

They looked at each other for a moment.

The moment became a longer moment, and suddenly it was a very long moment, so long one could hardly tell where all the time was coming from.

For Arthur, who could usually contrive to feel self-conscious if left alone long enough with a Swiss cheese plant, the moment was one of sustained revelation. He felt on the sudden like a cramped and zoo-born animal who wakes one morning to find the door of his cage hanging quietly open and the savanna stretching gray and pink to the distant rising sun, while all around new sounds are waking.

He wondered what the new sounds were as he gazed at her openly wondering face and her eyes that smiled with a shared surprise.

He hadn’t realized that life speaks with a voice to you, a voice that brings you answers to the questions you continually ask of it, had never consciously detected it or recognized its tones until it now said something it had never said to him before, which was,

“yes.”

“All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” by Robert Fulgham

All of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in Kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.

These are the things I learned…
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don’t hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
Say sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Give them to someone who feels sad.
Live a balanced life.
Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day.
Take a nap every afternoon.
Be aware of wonder.

Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

So what’s next…

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About the Author: Megan Finley Horowitz

When Megan’s not writing, traveling, and sleeping, she’s eating like the fate of the world depends on it. (You’re welcome, world!) You can snoop into her personal life over on her website The Dash and Dine!

Funny Wedding Readings for Your Big Day

Funny wedding readings are a great way to make your ceremony stand out, but it can be hard to find a wedding reading with jokes that make all of your guests laugh. Here’s some examples of funny wedding readings and all the inspiration you need…

Funny Wedding Readings for Your Big Day

If you’re having a civil ceremony or you’re not one for a religious wedding reading, why not use these funny wedding readings as a guide? These funny wedding readings and poems will fill your big day with laughter and reflect your personality as a couple…

Yes I’ll Marry you my Dear by Pam Ayres

“Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
And here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.
Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.
Yes, I’ll marry you,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!
It’s you who has to work the drill and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do.”

Let me put it This way by Simon Armitage

“Let me put it this way: if you came to lay your sleeping head against my arm or sleeve, and if my arm went dead, or if I had to take my leave at midnight, I should rather cleave it from the joint or seam than make a scene or bring you round. There, how does that sound?”

I Rely on you by Hovis Presley Continue reading below…

“I rely on you like a Skoda needs suspension, like the aged need a pension, like a trampoline needs tension, like a bungee jump needs apprehension.

I rely on you like a camera needs a shutter, like a gambler needs a flutter, like a golfer needs a putter, like a buttered scone involves some butter.

I rely on you like an acrobat needs ice cool nerve, like a hairpin needs a drastic curve, like an HGV needs endless derv, like an outside left needs a body swerve.

I rely on you like a handyman needs pliers, like an auctioneer needs buyers, like a laundromat needs driers, like The Good Life needed Richard Briers.

I rely on you like a water vole needs water, like a brick outhouse needs mortar, like a lemming to the slaughter, Ryan’s just Ryan without his daughter. I rely on you.”


Short Funny Wedding Readings

If you want a short wedding reading to make up part of your speech or to add a funny closing comment, then these funny wedding readings work perfectly…

Your Personal Penguin by Sandra Boynton

“I like you a lot.
You’re funny and kind.
So let me explain
What I have in mind.
I want to be your personal penguin.
I want to walk right by your side.
I want to be your personal penguin.
I want to travel with you far and wide.”

Some Things Go Together by Charlotte Zolotow

Pairs of things that go together.
Pigeons with park
Stars with dark
Sand with sea
and you with me.
… Hats with heads
Pillows with beds
Sky with blue
and me with you.

Like this? You’ll love…

Sometimes you can inject some humour into a wedding reading while saying something very serious. When you’re getting married, it’s sometimes called ‘taking the plunge’. This alternative wedding reading below does just that – and might be apt if you’ve known one another a long time before tying the knot…

The Little Yellow Leaf by Carin Berger

“And then, high up on an icy branch, a scarlet flash.
One more leaf holding tight.
‘You’re here?’ called the Little Yellow Leaf.
‘I am,’ said the Little Scarlet Leaf.
‘Like me!’ said the Little Yellow Leaf.
Neither spoke.
Finally…
‘Will you?’ asked the Little Scarlett Leaf.
‘I will!’ said the Little Yellow Leaf.
And one, two, three, they let go and soared.”

Gravitation by Albert Einstein

“Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?

Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.”


Quirky Wedding Readings

There are plenty of poems and excerpts from thousands of books that talk about love, companionship, compromise and all the other aspects of marriage. But if you want something a little bit different to set your speech apart from the usual wedding readings, these fun and quirky readings may be perfect for your civil ceremony…

Mayonnaise jar and two Beers by David Sullivan

“When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.  They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things–your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions–and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else–the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

‘Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your  spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first–the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.’

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. ‘I’m glad you asked.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a few beers with a friend.’”

Oh, the Places You’ll go! by Dr. Seuss

“Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to great places! You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the COUPLE who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look ‘em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town.

It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

OH! THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that life’s a great balancing act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

So… be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting.

So… get on your way!”

A Good Wedding Cake by Anon

“4Lb of love
1/2Lb of sweet temper
1Lb of butter of youth
1Lb of blindness of faults
1Lb of pounded wit
1Lb of good humour
2Lbs of sweet argument
1 Pint of rippling laughter
1 Wine glass of common sense
A dash of modesty
Put the love, good looks and a sweet temper into a well-furnished house. Beat the butter of youth into a cream and mix well together with the blindness of faults. Stir the pounded wit and good humour into the sweet argument, then add the rippling laughter and common sense. Work the whole together until everything is well mixed and bake gently for ever.”

A Lovely Love Story by Edward Monkton

“The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was, after all, HIS cage.

Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur.

The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.

I like this Dinosaur, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. Although he is fierce he is also tender and he is funny. He is also quite clever though I will not tell him this for now.

I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur, thought the Dinosaur. She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice. She is also a free spirit, which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.

But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.

He is also overly fond of Things. Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of Things?

But her mind skips from here to there so quickly, thought the Dinosaur. She is also uncommonly keen on Shopping. Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?

I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. For they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.

I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping, thought the Dinosaur. For she fills our life with beautiful thought and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.

Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old. Look at them.

Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.

And that, my friends, is how it is with love. Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together.

For the sun is warm. And the world is a beautiful place…”

Like this? You’ll love…

If you’re looking for a quirky poem to read aloud to your bride or groom, then this alternative but fun wedding reading by John Cooper Clarke says it all…

I Wanna Be Yours by John Cooper Clarke

“I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust
If you like your coffee hot
let me be your coffee pot
You call the shots
I wanna be yours
I wanna be your raincoat
for those frequent rainy days
I wanna be your dreamboat
when you want to sail away
Let me be your teddy bear
take me with you anywhere
I don’t care
I wanna be yours
I wanna be your electric meter
I will not run out
I wanna be the electric heater
you’ll get cold without
I wanna be your setting lotion
hold your hair in deep devotion
Deep as the deep Atlantic ocean
that’s how deep is my devotion.”


Funny Wedding Readings Guide

If you’re nervous about giving a reading at a wedding, remember to keep it short and occasionally pause for laughs. Don’t talk through the laugh – enjoy entertaining everybody and let them enjoy it too!

Funny wedding readings sometimes work better if a pageboy or young bridesmaid recites it. The rule when getting children to do wedding readings is to keep it short and sweet – they get their moment in the spotlight but don’t have time to feel overwhelmed. They’ll also need to practise quite a bit beforehand and make sure you’ve chosen a child who isn’t likely to get stage fright at the last minute and refuse to speak. You’re looking for a confident type.

Remember the rule above of waiting for laughs and ask your young reader to stay in place for a few seconds afterwards to wait for the applause (which is sure to follow). The poem Some Things Go Together above is a perfect short wedding reading that’s funny but thought-provoking too!

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These 12 Funny Wedding Ceremony Readings Will Delight Your Guests

Jill Houser PhotographyAntler Orchid Events

Embarking on a lifelong commitment with the person you love is a momentous occasion, but that doesn’t mean it’s all serious business. Many couples choose to incorporate funny wedding ceremony readings to help lighten up the mood with a good balance of wit and humor. Of course, if you and your partner are writing your own vows, including some funny tidbits is a great way to make your ceremony feel more personal, but it doesn’t have to stop there. Selecting funny wedding ceremony readings is an opportunity to showcase both of your personalities while putting a smile on all your guests’ faces. 

If you’re making selections for your ceremony lineup, we’ve compiled the best funny wedding ceremony readings for every type of couple who loves a good laugh.

Details Details

“I’ll Be Here For You” by Louise Cuddon

A clever poem about facing life’s ups and downs together.

I’ll be there, my darling, through thick and through thin
When your mind’s in a mess and your head’s in a spin
When your plane’s been delayed, and you’ve missed the last train.
When life is just threatening to drive you insane
When your thrilling whodunit has lost its last page
When somebody tells you, you’re looking your age
When your coffee’s too cool, and your wine is too warm
When the forecast said, “Fine,” but you’re out in a storm
When your quick break hotel, turns into a slum
And your holiday photos show only your thumb
When you park for five minutes in a resident’s bay

And return to discover you’ve been towed away
When the jeans that you bought in hope or in haste
Just stick on your hips and don’t reach round your waist
When the food you most like brings you out in red rashes
When as soon as you boot up the bloody thing crashes
So my darling, my sweetheart, my dear…
When you break a rule, when you act the fool
When you’ve got the flu, when you’re in a stew
When you’re last in the queue, don’t feel blue
’cause I’m telling you, I’ll be there.

Eder Acevedo Photography

“When I’m Sixty Four” by The Beatles

This classic song from The Beatles is a crowd favorite for a reason.

When I get older losing my hair
Many years from now
Will you still be sending me a Valentine
Birthday greetings bottle of wine
If I’d been out ’til quarter to three
Would you lock the door
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I’m sixty-four
You’ll be older too
And if you say the word
I could stay with you
I could be handy, mending a fuse
When your lights have gone
You can knit a sweater by the fireside
Sunday mornings go for a ride
Doing the garden, digging the weeds
Who could ask for more
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I’m sixty-four
Every summer we can rent a cottage
In the Isle of Wight, if it’s not too dear
We shall scrimp and save
Grandchildren on your knee
Vera, Chuck and Dave
Send me a postcard, drop me a line
Stating point of view
Indicate precisely what you mean to say
Yours sincerely, wasting away
Give me your answer, fill in a form
Mine for evermore
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I’m sixty-four

Errands and Events by Lauren

“Yes, I’ll Marry You” by Pam Ayres

A feisty marriage poem that packs a punch. 

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear.
And here’s the reason why.
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry.
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.
Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it.
You have to face the neighbor
Should our Labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.
Yes, I’ll marry you,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!
It’s you who has to work the drill
And put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I DO, I DO, I DO!!

Alternative Weddings

The Impressive Clergyman Quote from

The Princess Bride 

The most quotable line from everyone’s favorite wedding movie—and a very funny wedding ceremony reading.

Mawwiage. Mawwiage is wat bwings us togeder today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam wifin a dream…
And wuv, twue wuv, will fowwow you foweva… 

Phoriah Events

“I Wanna Be Yours” by John Cooper Clarke

Light-hearted song lyrics to make everyone smile.

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
Breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust
If you like your coffee hot
Let me be your coffee pot
You call the shots
I wanna be yours
I wanna be your raincoat
For those frequent rainy days
I wanna be your dreamboat
When you want to sail away
Let me be your teddy bear
Take me with you anywhere
I don’t care
I wanna be yours
I wanna be your electric meter
I will not run out
I wanna be the electric heater
You’ll get cold without
I wanna be your setting lotion
Hold your hair in deep devotion
Deep as the deep Atlantic Ocean
That’s how deep is my devotion

“And I Have You” by Nikki Giovanni

We love the simple sweetness of this poem. 

Rain has drops
Sun has shine
Moon has beams
That make you mine
Rivers have banks
Sands for shores
Hearts have heartbeats
That make me yours
Needles have eyes
Though pins may prick
Elmer has glue
To make things stick
Winter has Spring
Stockings feet
Pepper has mint
To make it sweet
Teachers have lessons
Soup du jour
Lawyers sue bad folks
Doctors cure
All and all
This much is true
You have me
And I have you

Officiant Chris

“Marriage is Like My Old Car” by Marie April Gismondi

A poem of comedy and marriage advice all mixed into one funny wedding ceremony reading.

The way I see it, marriage is like my old car.
When I bought it new from the dealership,
everyone around me was saying; “Wow that’s a nice car!”
It was all bright and shiny and worthy of admiration.
And then as the years went by…
there were places where the paint was starting to peel off.
It got a little dent and a scratch or two here and there…
and once it was over a decade old…
People started saying; “Why are you still driving that old thing?”
But my car ran like a top and would never leave me high and dry.
Every time something sounded a little off, or needed attention,
I got to work on it and fixed whatever needed fixing immediately,
knowing that you get what you give.
And then, when she became “a classic”,
it was off to the body shop she went for a new paint job.
People once again began saying; “Wow, that’s a really nice car!”
But what they didn’t know was that all the things that really matter,
were always things that nobody could see from the outside.
A marriage is like my old car.
It’s the maintenance you do between the high of the wedding day,
and gaining the admiration your grandchildren
by being the couple who still laughs and shares secrets,
and still holds hands after all these years.
So don’t worry so much about what people think or say.
Just do your oil changes, keep up with your maintenance,
get out and have fun,
don’t be afraid to blow the dust off now and then,
and fix whatever breaks as soon as it happens.
This is my advice for a marriage
that will motor successfully on down the highway of life.

Anovik

“The Romance” by Shel Silverstein

Humor on the sweeter side, this poem is classic as can be.

Said the pelican to the elephant,
“I think we should marry, I do.
’Cause there’s no name that rhymes with me,
And no one else rhymes with you.”
Said the elephant to the pelican,
“There’s sense to what you’ve said,
For rhyming’s as good a reason as any
For any two to wed.”
And so the elephant wed the pelican,
And they dined upon lemons and limes,
And now they have a baby pelican,
And everybody rhymes.

The Sarasota Modern

“Love Me” by Bee Rawlinson

A clever little poem about growing old together.

Love me when I’m old and shocking
Peel off my elastic stockings
Swing me from the chandeliers
Let’s be randy bad old dears.
Push around my chromed Bath Chair
Let me tease your white chest hair
Scaring children, swapping dentures
Let us have some great adventures.
Take me to your special places

Watching all the puzzled faces
You in shorts and socks and sandals
Me with warts and huge love-handles.
As the need for love enthralls
Wrestle with my damp proof smalls
Make me laugh without constraint
Buy me chocolate body paint.
Hold me safe throughout the night
When my hair has turned to white
Believe me when I say it’s true
I’ve waited all my life for you.

Wedding Officiant Jon Turino

“He Never Leaves The Seat Up” by Anon

A funny wedding ceremony reading for the couple who doesn’t take themselves too seriously.

He never leaves the seat up
Or wet towels upon the floor
The toothpaste has the lid on
And he always shuts the door!
She’s very clean and tidy
Though she may sometimes delude
Leave your things out at your peril
In a second they’ll have moved!
He’s a very active person
As are all his next of kin
Where as she likes lazy days
He’ll still drag her to the gym!
He romances her and dines her
Home cooked dinners and the like
He even knows her favorite food
And spoils her day and night!
She’s thoughtful when he looks at her
A smile upon his face
Will he look that good in 50 years
When his dentures aren’t in place?!
He says he loves her figure
And her mental prowess too
But when gravity takes her over
Will she charm with her IQ?
She says she loves his kindness
And his patience is a must
And of course she thinks he’s handsome
Which in her eyes is a plus!
They’re both not wholly perfect
But who are we to judge
He can be pig headed
Where as she won’t even budge!
All that said and done
They love the time they spent together
And I hope as I’m sure you do
That this fine day will last forever.
He’ll be more than just her husband
He’ll also be her friend
And she’ll be more than just his wife
She’s be his soul mate ‘til the end.

Designs by Franklin

“I Like You” by Ben Rector

This sweet and simple song excerpt would be great read by a child.

There’s no need to complicate it
Dress it up or overstate it
Without too much hesitation
Here’s the way I feel
Well, I like you, I like you
Even when I don’t try to
Yes I do, that’s the truth
I like you

Michelle Breiter Photography

Your Personal Penguin by Sandra Boynton

A children’s book reading with both humor and heart.

I like you a lot
You’re funny and kind
So let me explain
What I have in mind.
I want to be Your Personal Penguin
I want to walk right by your side
I want to be Your Personal Penguin
I want to travel with you far and wide.
Wherever you go, I’ll go there too
Here and there and ev’rywhere
And always with you.
I want to be Your Personal Penguin
From now on.
Now lots of other penguins seem to do fine
In a universe of nothing but ice
But if I could be yours and you could be mine
A cozy little world would be twice as nice.
I want to be Your Personal Penguin
I want to talk with you night and day
I want to be Your Personal Penguin
I want to listen to whatever you say.
Look at these wings, so perfect to hold you
I’d like to say again
What I have already told you
Let me be Your Personal Penguin
From now on.
Now lots of other penguins seem to do fine
In a universe of nothing but ice
But if I could be yours and you could be mine
A cozy little world would be twice as nice.
I want to be (want to be) Your Personal Penguin
I want to walk right by your side
I want to be (want to be) Your Personal Penguin
I want to travel with you far and wide.
Wherever you go, I’ll go there too
Here and there and ev’rywhere
And always with you.
I want to be Your Personal Penguin
Imagine me, Your Personal Penguin
I want to be Your Personal Penguin
From now on.

Funny Wedding Poems For Your Ceremony In 2022

Funny Love Poems For Wedding

Wedding readings and marriage quotes would be incomplete without words about love and romance. Being a union between two people in love, the base theme of a wedding is love, and therefore an extremely personal affair. Expressing this love during the event can be done through speeches, readings, poems or toasts. However, these words of love don’t always have to be serious or solemn. Heartfelt words can also be conveyed through fun. And this is why we have funny wedding day poems.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defences, you build up a whole suit of armour, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life … You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you.”

– The Sandman by Neil Gaiman

“Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
And here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.

Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.

Yes, I’ll marry you,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!

It’s you who has to work the drill
and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do!”

– Yes, I’ll Marry You by Pam Ayres

“More than a catbird hates a cat, Or a criminal hates a clue, Or the Axis hates the United States, That’s how much I love you. I love you more than a duck can swim, And more than a grapefruit squirts, I love you more than a gin rummy is a bore, And more than a toothache hurts. As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea, Or a juggler hates a shove, As a hostess detests unexpected guests, That’s how much you I love. I love you more than a wasp can sting, And more than the subway jerks, I love you as much as a beggar needs a crutch, And more than a hangnail irks. I swear to you by the stars above, And below, if such there be, As the High Court loathes perjurious oaths, That’s how you’re love by me.”

– To My Valentine by Ogden Nash

“What’s Mickey without Minnie,
Or piglet without pooh,
What’s Donald without Daisy?
That’s me without you.

When Ariel Doesn’t sing,
and Pooh hates honey,
when Tigger stops bouncing,
and Goofy isn’t funny.

When Peter Pan can’t fly,
and Simba never roars,
when Alice no longer fits
through small doors.

When Dumbo’s ears are small,
and happily ever after isn’t true,
Even then, I won’t stop loving you.”

– Manticore The Great

“Put the love, good looks and sweet temper into a well furnished house. Beat the butter of youth to a cream, and mix well together with the blindness of faults. Stir the pounded wit and good humour into the sweet argument, then add the rippling laughter and common sense. Work the whole together until everything is well mixed and bake gently for ever.”

– Recipe For Love by Unknown
From classic romantic quotes and poems, to modern day readings, there is always a way to inject some fun into your wedding. A great time for such quotes could be during your wedding vows, if you have decided to write your own. In recalling fun memories, you could use a favorite quote or poem.

These can also be added in wedding readings by close friends or family members. Comic relief being a great way to shake off wedding nerves, will be much appreciated by not only the guests, but by the couple as well. So, while going through all of the necessary and serious marriage rites, be sure to enjoy a giggle or two at your ceremony.

90,000

Wedding Reading Library – Jewelry Articles

If you are looking for a wedding reading, start with these varied designs. There will definitely be the right one for you, whether you are looking for classic and traditional, unusual and unique. Sources range from the Bible to fiction and poetry. Most ceremonies involve two to three readings, which may be the same or completely different.

Classic and Traditional Wedding Readings There’s a reason the classic has become a classic, isn’t it? They are timeless passages about love and relationships.

Wedding Readings from Novels and Literature Instead of hitting you in the head, these passages use metaphors and imagery to awaken feelings and deliver subtle messages. Everyone listening is likely to interpret it a little differently, but that’s part of the magic.

Romantic Wedding Readings When your love is full of passion, you want your wedding read to be just as charmingly loving. These features tender passages come from a variety of sources – quotes, novels, poems, essays – but they are all romantic.

Love Poetry for wedding poetry reading can be an incredible way to describe love, leaving room for nuance, and delivering imagery that is new and different. Of course, there are literally millions of love poems, but these are especially suitable for weddings.

Unique and Unusual Wedding Readings If you are dancing with a different drummer, or you just want to make sure your guests haven’t heard your wedding reading before, this is for you.

Wedding Bible reading for Christians, the greatest love in the Bible.You’ve probably heard “Love is longsuffering, merciful, love” reading the Corinthians many times, but there are some other beautiful love verses that may surprise you. You can also check 21 Old Testament Wedding Readings and New Testament Wedding Readings

Jewish Wedding Readings The most famous Jewish wedding readings from the Song of Solomon (Ani L’Dodi V ‘Dodi Li / I belong to my beloved, and my beloved is Mine). But there are many other traditional, contemporary, and even secular Jewish wedding indications to choose from.

Shakespeare’s Wedding Readings Bard wrote many words about love, but only a few are appropriate for your ceremony. Here are my favorites from his plays and poetry.

Fun Wedding Readings Not everything about the ceremony has to be serious. Adding some moments of frivolity in between the more solemn moment of the ritual can do more than keep your guests entertained. Chances are, your love for each other isn’t all serious either. By adding funny wedding readings, you can express the full version of your relationship.

If you are having religious ceremonies, be sure to consult with your worship service as they may have restrictions on what can be included in the ceremony. But for secular, secular, and more liberal religious events, feel free to be creative. It is worth taking the time to find the correct wedding reading – you want to express your love for each other and what you believe about marriage. 10 Tips On How To Choose A Wedding Reading

Don’t feel like you should be limited by the choices in this library.You can have a favorite song, a love letter you wrote, or a quote from a magazine article. What matters is that what you read is a reflection of your relationship and your views on love, marriage, and commitment.

How to Write Fancy or Silly Wedding Vows 2021 – Other

Juan Silva / Getty Images

One of the hardest aspects of writing silly wedding vows is getting your guests to giggle without making the vows corny. You don’t want to make promises that you can’t or won’t deliver; Promising to always put the seat in the toilet may sound ridiculous at the moment, but chances are, you’ll soon be breaking that wedding vow.Instead, look for qualities about yourself that are funny or amusing — hobbies, habits, or stories — that can be incorporated into your wedding vows.

Incorporating some humor into your wedding vows can add to your special day full of romance and celebration, all the while creating memories and entertaining your wedding guests. Look at your passions for a hint of a quirky addition to traditional wedding vows.

Quirky Additions to Vows

Many times you can use traditional vows as inspiration and add a few personal, whimsical or funny sentences to bring smiles to your guests’ faces.

  • A Tolkien fan may want to include “two rings to control them all” and a link to “one communication”.
  • A sports fan may include a promise to “love and honor in the offseason”.
  • A second marriage for a couple may involve a promise to “be your last”.
  • A corporate power couple may want to add a marriage statement to their vows.
  • A hip-hop-loving couple can add a line or two of their favorite unconventional tune.

Examples of Funny Wedding Vows

Doubles tennis partners
I (name), I will take you (name) to be my legal spouse (husband / wife) and main tennis partner, for richer, poorer, better, worse, sick and in health when we win and very rarely meet when we lose.

I promise to love, honor, and cherish you, bring back my servants, and do my best to disobey. This I swear to you.

When Planes win
I (Name), take you (Name) to be my beloved wife. I promise to love you and be your faithful partner, for the better for the worse, for the richer, poorer, when the Jets win and when they lose, in illness, in health and in the illness caused by the Jets.

I will be true and faithful, and I will cherish you all the days of our lives.

When you shop – lot
I, (name), will take you (name) to be mine (wife / husband), to have and keep from this day forward, for better or for worse, for the richer, for the poorer, for the even poorer, when I have tried a lot, in illness and in health, to love and cherish; from this day forward until death makes us a part.

How To Write Your Own Wedding Vows With Humor

Whimsical or humorous wedding vows usually include just a few bits and pieces of humor here and there, without going over the top and distracting from the main story: commitment to marriage Reading your own wedding vows with some funny mentions can relax you on your big day when you get nervous and create a special memory for you and your spouse.

One way to get inspired and write your funny wedding vows is to talk to your partner about them.Sharing your wedding vows with each other at least a month in advance encourages additional flow. It might be tempting to keep the wedding a secret from each other, but ultimately it’s best to agree on tone and content together for the big day. You don’t want to laugh at your belly if your partner’s vows are delicately romantic.

Take the time to read other wedding vows that contain humor, such as Dr. Seuss’s quirky wedding vows for ideas, and you’ll be well on your way to personalizing your wedding vows.

Top 10 Most Unusual Arab Wedding Traditions and Rites

Each nation has its own unique wedding customs, many of which may seem specific to us. Residents of southeastern countries were no exception – the traditions at an Arab wedding are very different from those we are used to. Many of them will seem unusual, and some are completely exotic. Wedding portal Svadbagolik.ru invites you to consider the top 10 distinctive Arab wedding traditions and find out where they came from and what they symbolize.

An invitation to an Arab wedding cannot be refused

According to Arab customs, guests must come to the wedding ceremony without fail, refusal is not accepted. And even if a person is invited to two weddings that take place at the same time, he must attend both events in the evening. First you need to congratulate those who have sent an invitation earlier, and then other newlyweds.

Henna Night – drawings on the hands and feet of the bride

This rite has existed for hundreds of years.It is held on the night before the wedding with women. This is one of the rituals associated with an Arab wedding, where it is forbidden to take photos and videos, as the bride appears in an “indecent” form with bare feet.

As always, Arab traditions and customs at weddings are designed to bring happiness to the young. On the night of henna, the bride’s palms and feet are painted with thin brushes using a special paint made from henna. Fancy oriental ornaments should protect the bride from evil looks and bring her happiness in married life.

Closed-up bride dress

This custom is familiar to all of us and will not cause much surprise – a Muslim woman’s wedding dress should be closed, because women in the Arab world are not accepted to show their bodies to strangers.

Bahur – wedding fragrance

Bahur is an incense for giving a pleasant smell to the house. In the premises where the wedding is celebrated, this element must be present. Incense is selected especially carefully, since, according to legends, they drive away evil spirits and bring joy and happiness into the house.

Fatiha – blessing of the young

Arab wedding traditions necessarily include the blessing of the young. In the presence of future newlyweds, as well as close members of their families, the first sura of the Koran is read.

Fatiha is an excellent opportunity to get to know your future spouse and his family better, to visit each other’s homes. The ceremony itself can last for several hours. It has a sacred meaning. It begins with the reading of prayers. And then the owners of the house treat guests to traditional Fatikha dishes – knafa and baklava.

Obligatory mahr – a marriage gift for the bride

Many people already know that grooms have to pay kalym for the bride – a kind of “payoff” to parents who give their beloved daughter to someone else’s family. But also the Arab groom must provide the bride with a mahr – a marriage gift that demonstrates his love and loyalty to his future wife.

The largest mahr is paid by the groom in the event of a wedding in the United Arab Emirates. For example, kalym can amount to several hundred thousand dollars, and a prenuptial agreement must be signed before the wedding.Moreover, the contract for the bride is signed by her parents. The weddings of famous Arab sheikhs must necessarily take place within a year after the signing of the contracts. And the celebration itself in splendor and financial investments can be compared with the royal ball.

Loud arrival of the groom for the bride

The bride will know in advance that the groom is coming soon. And this is not surprising, because before the start of the holiday, the groom and the guests noisily arrive at the house of the future wife in a motorcade. Cars go slowly.Many guests walk and dance while traditional Arab drummers beat their drums loudly. It is interesting that a Muslim wedding is a noisy and fun event, but many rituals accompanied by the recitation of prayers are always quiet and sacred.

Nikah – an analogue of a Christian wedding

Nikah for Muslims is something like a wedding for Christians. Moreover, without a marriage “in heaven” it is almost impossible to officially register the relationship.Religious practices are paramount in an Arab wedding. The ceremony is conducted by the imam. The bride and groom sit in front of him and between two witnesses. After reading the prayers, the newlyweds agree to the marriage.

Tradition of Separate Celebration at Arab Wedding

It is not customary for Muslims for men and women who are not relatives or spouses to spend time together, even in the same room. Therefore, traditionally, the wedding celebration is divided into two parts – male and female.

For men, everything is fun – songs, dances and other entertainments. The female half is a sedately seated bride and her female relatives, friends, whose fun is limited only to conversation. As you can see, not only the image of the Arab bride and the women invited is modest, but also their celebration.

The first wedding night at the Arab wedding

The wedding night also implies the observance of traditions. After the Arab wedding, the young are left alone.The newlyweds read namaz, the husband says the Basmalah prayer to protect his wife and future children from evil. The spouse treats his beloved with sweets and drinks, after which a moment of intimacy comes. After her, the young should take a bath.

Muslims’ wedding night does not necessarily imply an intimate relationship. The first sexual intercourse can occur months after the wedding, when the husband and wife get to know each other well enough.

An Arab wedding is an original and interesting event, which is accompanied at every step by the observance of unique traditions and rituals, the portal www is sure.svadbagolik.ru.

Unique wedding traditions of Muslims

The world is full of unique and interesting traditions, but Muslims have something that is not repeated anywhere else. How is the wedding ceremony, what is the name of the ceremony, and what customs will truly surprise you, find out in our today’s article.

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Top 20 Wedding Blogs Right Now

With resources like Pinterest, Instagram, and Google, finding inspiration for your big day is incredibly easy.Case in point: A quick search for “Best Wedding Blogs” reveals hundreds of sites offering everything from clever planning tips to creative DIYs for anyone planning a wedding. But with the sheer amount of wedding content online, it’s hard to find places with both reliable advice and swoon-worthy inspiration.

To help you narrow your search, here are five of the best wedding blogs on the internet right now. And they are so good that we bet professional wedding planners would rather we not tell you about them.From gorgeous wedding decor to allied wedding advice, these blogs have it all. There are five wedding blogs ahead that offer page after page of worthy inspiration. We apologize in advance for the hours you will spend browsing these sites.

Style me pretty

Style Me Pretty – This is a blog that needs to be bookmarked for anyone looking for stunning wedding dress inspiration, Pinterest-worthy tabletop landscape ideas, and proven vendor recommendations.Be sure to keep an eye on this site as it has some impressive wedding features. Even if you are not engaged, you will not be able to get enough.

Bookmark for: The most beautiful weddings, the latest bridal fashion and beauty trends, and a carefully selected list of SMP approved suppliers.

Once upon a time Wed

It’s not hard to see why Once Wed is one of the most popular wedding blogs on the web. On the surface, this is an insanely curated collection of wedding galleries that are some of the best on the Internet.But it’s also a great resource for ideas, including hair and beauty tutorials, floral decorations, and more.

Bookmark for: Surprisingly doable DIY, impressive wedding galleries organized by style and season, and an online community for buying and selling used wedding dresses.

100 layer cake

We could go through the archives of a 100 layer cake for hours. From envious engagement shoots to dreamy wedding venues, this blog has it all.In addition to beautiful wedding photos, this site has a wealth of advice for couples in relationships at all stages, from newly engaged to newlyweds and married couples who want to keep the Spark alive.

Bookmark for: Affordable wedding (and wedding) tips, awesome escape opportunities, and refreshingly unconventional bachelorette and bridal shower ideas.

Green Wedding Shoes

Green Wedding Shoes are the perfect place for those planning a wedding on a budget.While most wedding blogs tend to be about exciting news, Green Wedding Shoes often covers affordable backyard weddings and handmade weddings that don’t require large budgets or lead times. Couples on a tight budget, check out Money Saving Projects on the site.

Bookmark for: Seriously affordable wedding idea, wedding favors and entertainment tips for everything from rehearsal dinner to cocktail hour.

Ruffled

If you are planning a wedding with your own hands, you need to bookmark Tousled ASAP. This site not only has an extensive library of creative projects, but also an online community where members can buy and sell used wedding decor (such as new candles and vases).

Bookmark for: Lots of projects, an easy-to-find supplier guide that includes both local and global recommendations, and Recycle My Wedding (Ruffled’s online store for buying and selling used wedding décor).

Jose Villa

June Weddings

For quality photography, tips, and resources, visit June Weddings. You can search for suppliers, get inspired by real-life weddings, and learn the ins and outs of wedding planning. From your engagement to your big day, they’ve got you covered.

Bookmark for: Dreamy wedding photography, the best providers for everything from videographers to events, and a community of people who are as passionate about your wedding as you are.

Rock my wedding

British wedding blog, Rock my Wedding, offers engaged couples and wedding enthusiasts inspired by wedding ideas, planning tips and tons of DIY tips to make a special day unique (and more accessible). The site is so popular; they even released a book of the same title back in 2017 filled with helpful advice and wisdom.

Bookmark for: Hand-picked vendors, the latest wedding dress collections and planning guides for every step of your wedding preparation.

Wedding Reflections

Wedding Reflections is a stunning wedding blog featuring carefully curated lists of every step you will take when planning your big day. Think about wedding dresses, shoes, jewelry, and more. Of course, you’ll also find inspirational photos from real weddings, helpful tips on everything from the best pre-wedding playlist to handy mobile apps, and thoughtful tips for dealing with the tough aspects of the day.

Bookmark for: Fashion and beauty tips, decor suggestions, planning tips, real wedding inspirations and travel ideas for weddings and honeymoons.

Wedding Chicks

If you’re looking for more than just pretty images to inspire you on a big day, head to Wedding Chicks, a blog that boasts many free planning tools, print materials, vendor lists, registration tips, and wedding website resources. of course, if you’re looking for inspirational real weddings, Wedding Chicks has that too.

Bookmark for: Realistic, helpful tips and tools for planning your wedding from start to finish.

Bizarre Bride

A playful resource for brides and grooms who think their style is far from the beaten path, Fancy Bride provides fun topic ideas, roster ideas, checklists, and free prints. It also offers a variety of authentic weddings with smart and unique aspects to inspire your celebration.

Bookmark for: Unusual inspiration and unique ideas.

Jose Villa

Love my dress

Another wedding blog from the UK, Love My Dress, is your place for dreamy wedding inspiration and trusted resources. Benefit from carefully selected bridal vendors, information on the latest dress collections from a variety of designers, and helpful professional tips.

Bookmark for: Love stories, fashion and trusted suppliers.

Skillfully Wed

Artfully Wed skillfully breaks down wedding inspiration into multiple categories such as color, style and season to help you make the big decisions about your special day. There are also plenty of style and beauty tips as well as anniversary and engagement photo shoots to scroll through.

Bookmark for: Concrete advice and inspiration after you make a few decisions, be it a summer ceremony or an event for everyone.

Budget Savvy Bride

When it comes down to whatever type of event you’ve dreamed of for your wedding, finances will inevitably play a big role on that day. If you’re looking for wedding advice with a budget in mind, check out The Budget Savvy Bride. The site has budgeting tips, tips for buying and selling affordable décor and fashion clothing, and real weddings that fit a wide variety of budgets.

Bookmark for: Tips and tools to help you get your dream wedding on a tight budget.

Boho Wedding

As the name suggests, British wedding blog Boho Weddings is home to a wealth of bohemian-themed wedding content. From whimsical weddings to chic dresses and everything else, this blog is for any couple looking to host a wedding that captures the spirit and aesthetics of the boho lifestyle.

Bookmark for: Everything related to a boho wedding.

Wedding Sparrow

For those looking to plan a sophisticated and glamorous event, think of Wedding Sparrow as your ultimate guide to the stylish wedding you’ve been dreaming of.It offers beautiful stories and inspiration for every step of the wedding process, from engagement to honeymoon and everything in between.

Bookmark for: Carefully selected vendors of wedding dresses, accessories, decor and more.

Jose Villa

Burnett Plank

Founded in 2012, Burnett Boards is an internationally renowned wedding blog filled with inspiration boards, photo shoots, fashion, event style and travel ideas.Whether you are interested in wedding beauty tips or fun boudoir ideas, the site has it all. Its most unique feature, however, is its section of carefully curated inspiration boards that you can easily pin to Pinterest.

Bookmark for: Color-coordinated visualization boards created to post and return throughout the entire wedding planning process.

Rock and Roll Bride

The self-proclaimed “Guide for Alternative Brides”, Rock and Roll Bride is a haven for unconventional couples seeking unique inspiration and ideas.The wedding blog features real weddings that have ditched tradition in favor of individual elements, as whimsical or unique as they may be. Think of the ceremonies hosted by the Chilean banner artists and the receptions at the zoo.

Bookmark for: Wedding inspiration that is far from traditional.

Fragment and Ink

A visit to Fragment and Ink will introduce you to wedding service providers, DIY projects, ceremony vows and inspiration to read, real-life wedding stories, and more.Be sure to check out the site’s signature series section, which includes inspiration boards, signature cocktails, stories of couples who have been married for decades, quotes, and vintage wedding inspirations.

Bookmark for: Beautiful stories from real couples and classic wedding ideas.

Love and Lavender

The wedding content you’ll find on Love and Lavender is as cute as the blog title, and also hosted by a husband and wife duo. Browse images of actual weddings, helpful tips on how to approach every detail of the event, and inspiration for everything from your dress to your cake.

Bookmark for: Stylized shots to inspire you on a big day and reliable resources to bring your vision to life.

Afloral

You may have heard of Afloral, a stunning floral resource for all occasions, but you may not know that the site also has a wedding blog of the same name. This is the place for flower inspiration for couples looking for DIY ideas and beautiful botanical arrangements. Bouquets turned into wedding hoops and floral hair ornaments are sure to inspire any wedding style.

Bookmark for: Floral ideas and charming looks from real weddings.

This wedding checklist will help you say yes without stress

The most extravagant outfits in which brides have ever had to flaunt

War is not a reason to refuse to hold a wedding celebration with all its components. Artist Erica Sarkozy presented a camouflage wedding dress for true connoisseurs of military style.

In fact, this is not a real wedding, but footage from a reality show that was on British television. Several participants had to stand in full view, half naked in the center of the city, and designers and artists painted wedding decorations right on their bodies. An excellent solution for those who do not want to spend extra time undressing before their wedding night.

Be careful with the fire if you don’t want this paper wedding dress on fire right on top of you.

Confectioner from Uzhgorod (Western Ukraine) and his bride Victoria in a wedding dress made of flour, eggs, sugar and caramel. It took 28-year-old Valentin Stefagno two months and five thousand custard cakes to make the 10-kilogram sweet masterpiece.

Isn’t this wedding dress quite charming? However, it is rather difficult to guess that it is made entirely of toilet paper, tape and glue. Designed by Ann Kagawa Lee from Honolulu, Hawaii, this outfit was inspired by Gone With the Wind and Japanese origami.

Yves Saint Laurent took a Russian nesting doll as the basis for creating his wedding dress.

Chantal Coady and Ian Stewart have been negotiating a chocolate wedding dress for many years, and in 2008 the English designer and confectionery firm Rococo had a great opportunity to showcase their co-creation made of white chocolate at Chocolate Week.

Lucca Sigurdardottir has invented a wedding dress for brides who want to “kill two birds with one stone” – to put on a snow-white wedding dress and feed guests with a wedding cake.

Cupcake Wedding Dress – For brides who enjoy snacks on the go.

Wedding dress from balloons.

Wedding dress made entirely of flowers.

Newspaper wedding dress for brides who want to always be in the center of events.

Wedding dress made of bread labels.

Wedding dress made from the wool of one of the bride’s sheep.

Wedding dress made of electric bulbs.

Another “airy” dress made of balls.

Wedding dress made of peacock feathers.

Wedding dress resembling a potato sack.

Best Bridal Fashion Trends 2020: crazyworldmen – LiveJournal

We’ve researched the Bridal Fashion Week catwalks to find the trends you need to know.

Wedding Dress Trends 2020

Prepare your wishlist.Bridal Fashion Week is finally here and there are no flaws in the 2020 bridal dress fashion. From bold botanical prints to romantic sleeves and fun party dresses, you can discover new styles at Prospect Mira Bridal Salon. So if you’re planning a wedding late next year or just in the dream stage, these are the 2020 wedding fashion trends to be aware of. Read on to find out what’s trending right now.

1. Floral Print Dresses

Let’s get down to business right away: these are not ordinary wedding flowers.Bold floral prints have appeared in several 2020 bridal gown collections, adding color to Bridal Fashion Week’s classic white runways. Whether subtle and pastel, edgy and oversized, or as textured 3D embroidery, this cool way to take off flowers adds whimsical visual interest to any bridal gown silhouette.

2. Ballroom dresses

A message to all royal wedding fans: This wedding dress trend is for you.If you’re looking for a bold statement, consider opting for a classic ball gown – and we’ve seen plenty of them in 2020 bridal gown trends and collections. Best in this eye-catching silhouette? It’s actually amazingly versatile and works for most wedding styles. Take on Grace Kelly in heavy satin or an Elizabethan with puff sleeves. No matter the detail, this voluminous style is sure to turn a few heads.

3.Dresses with ruffles

If there is ever time to indulge your inner hopeless romantic, then this is your wedding day – and nothing gets more romantic than this artsy, ultra-feminine detail. A ruffle skirt adds volume to the silhouette, while a fluffy skirt with cascading ruffles is equally quirky and trendy.

4. Air dresses

From streamlined ball gowns to sheer shells, light airy dresses have taken over the runways and 2020 bridal gowns.Weightless fabrics like tulle and organza create a gorgeous ethereal vibe without any extra bulk, so you can hit the dance floor without worrying about tripping over your dress or feeling overwhelmed. Do you know what we call it? A serious victory in wedding fashion.

This is just a part of the trends, get ready to choose your best dress from a huge number of options!

Katrina Keynes “Wedding Gift” | Books, Fantasy Stories

Photo by Kyle Head on Unsplash

The morning stories heading is back! It opens with a story at the junction of magical realism and the fairy tale “Wedding Gift” from Katrina Keynes.

Young Sigrin hides under tables at her second cousin’s wedding. And soon the girl overhears the conversation of the guests, who begin to argue about the newlyweds.

Sigrin found out about the fairies by accident.

She hid under the festive tables from annoying relatives and noisy fun, pretended that her legs were poisonous jungle, and if she was dragged into a dancing circle, then she would cease to be herself forever. At thirteen, this was easy to believe. Much easier than the fact that Iggra’s second cousin will be happy with her husband until the end of their days.Sigrin knew that happiness is not a state, happiness is moments that you never expect, and therefore you need to appreciate each, but not chase after them. Like everything fleeting, they fear being pursued.

She sat with her legs crossed, her green dress pulled up and her hands resting on her white sneakers, and she tried not to forget that if she straightened up, she would immediately hit her head on the table and she would be noticed. To her right were the crocodile shoes of Uncle John, who came in in a white suit and white hat with bleached alligator fangs as if it were his wedding today.Sigrin tried to imagine what John’s bride would be, and her imagination obligingly tossed an alligator to her. Also white, so that everything is combined.

Although an alligator would hardly have been delighted with his uncle’s sense of style – or, on the contrary, would have been delighted. Alligators, after all, can also wish death for such as they are. Come to think of it, there isn’t much of a difference between a human and an alligator.

To the left of Sigrin, Helis was quietly stamping her bare foot. No one knew exactly who she was a relative or friend at this celebration of life, but she was not kicked out: she appeared immediately after the ceremony, dumped several meters of spider silk at the bride’s feet and did not comment on the absence of shoes on her right leg.Her left leg was pulled into a dark slipper, on which the cobweb still glistened. Sigryn hoped that Helys would one day tell her about her battle with the Great Spiders of Western Rock, but for now she just glanced at the broken toenails of her bare feet and tried not to think about the need to trim her own.

At a wedding, when the air is full of music, wishes and tears, it is easy to forget about a thirteen-year-old girl who is here only because of her last name. Sigrin was fine with that.

She pulled a winglet in honey sauce off the table – too small to belong to any bird she knew, and too spicy for her to eat safely. And now she sat, staring at the wing, listening to the noise and thinking about what only thirteen-year-olds can think about on the day of someone else’s wedding.

About alligators, huge spiders-monsters and that it would be great if a huge bird suddenly descended from heaven, dispersed the crowd with its wings, and Sigrin would be left alone under the tables.She would feed the bird with her flesh and take her into the clouds to meet adventure. The bird, of course, would return the flesh, but Sigrin would remain a faithful friend. Previously, this only happened to the princes, but Sigrin was sure that it could very well happen to her. She was no worse than any prince. And even better.

They started talking about adventures at the end of the table, at the edge, behind which the dense jungle of bushes curled and where Sigrin could emerge from the dangerous sea of ​​alien feet and return to an even more dangerous ocean of music and adult fun.There they fired like cannons, corks of champagne, bubbles hissed like poison on mortal wounds, and sharp salty laughter rang out – only the sirens that lured the ship to the reefs could laugh like that.

It was not the sirens who spoke: the voices were too dull, too hoarse. However, maybe they were very tired sirens.

Sigryn has never heard these voices. Perhaps these were relatives from the groom’s side. She thought about putting the wing back in place, but when she heard the name of her second cousin, she froze and listened.

“… this Iggra doesn’t know,” said the first voice, hoarse.

“If I didn’t know, I wouldn’t have gone so far,” answered the second, deaf.

Sigryn couldn’t even tell if they belonged to men or women. Or someone else. For example, an alligator.

– The youth are doing so many stupid things.

“Everyone does stupid things,” the deaf man said reproachfully. – For example, we. Right now. Is it worth discussing the dear bride …

-… without a dear groom?

Both fell silent, and then spoke at the same time.

– I bet it won’t last even a couple of weeks.

– I bet they won’t last even a couple of days.

Sigrin suddenly desperately wanted to break into the conversation and put it on for two years. Although the game is boring, it’s still related! We must stand up for her!

The voices fell silent again, and then spoke again at the same time.

– I bet she won’t pick his body piece by piece, sew and mourn, pouring herself dry?

– I bet she won’t wear out seven pairs of iron boots for him and break seven pairs of iron staffs?

Sigrin frowned.The strangers talked about adventure. About the very ones that she hoped to one day get herself into. But can a wedding lead somewhere there? Doesn’t there come after it a viscous “happily ever after”, where the second is not at all an obligatory part?

– We bet he’ll sell her firstborn for his own secrets and a mountain of gold?

– We bet he turns her into a bear and throws her into the sky?

Sigreen dropped a winglet and it left a ginger oil stain on her white sneakers.

Here she will fly in for damage to property!

The sirens – or not sirens – continued to hiss.

– I bet their daughter will be cursed with a hundred years, and everything in the area will die out, except for herself?

– I bet their son will meet the Wolf, fall at the hands of his brothers and remain dead forever, even if he appears to be alive?

– I bet a beggar woman will approach them and make them spit with toads and sharp gems for the rest of their days?

– I bet they will knock down a dark dog in the evening, and he will return for them with bad weather and pestilence, a misfortune that will grab his teeth with his side and sharpen it to the very foundation?

– We argue ?….

– We bet? ..

– Enough! – Sigrin could not resist. – Everything will be as it will be with them! With happiness and unhappiness and adventure and routine, and they will love each other as long as they have enough strength!

She took a couple of angry breaths, then covered her mouth with her hands and goggled her eyes.

They will come down now – hoarse, deaf, scary. Prophets and messengers from the groom’s side.

But they were in no hurry. And Sigrin herself crawled out into the light.

“Ah, here’s the third fairy,” said the figure in red dully and smiled dazzlingly with a crescent of even teeth.- How much youth, so many impulses!

– And we already thought, where did you go? The figure in blue added hoarsely and flapped its transparent wings.

Sigreen tried to get a good look at them, but she couldn’t. As if they didn’t want to be seen.

“I’m not a fairy.” Sigrin crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “And you are too evil for fairies.

The figure in red laughed at the lunar earthquake and wiggled its webbed wings. The figure in blue slapped an icy paw on the table.

“You’re right, little fairy,” they said in unison. – That’s why you are here.

Sigrin wanted to repeat that she was not a fairy: it was difficult to tell from strangers how old they were, but what if they just didn’t hear well? And then suddenly I felt a pull on my shoulder blades. I looked around and saw the wings – very tiny, like a bird’s.

She looked down: the sneakers were clean. The dress is green. And the thirst for adventure is still the same.

“Iggra is my second cousin,” Sigrin muttered uncertainly.

How long has she become a fairy? And why didn’t you notice? And what should she do now? Run into a dance circle and not be afraid to get lost? Bless Uncle John to marry an alligator? Help Helice find the lost slipper?

“And her husband is our nephew,” the red figure nodded. – See?

The blue figure pointed with a multi-jointed finger at the newlyweds circling in a dance, and Sigrin noticed that the groom had wet-wet hair and shells in his hair. And the bride has a long tail peeking out from under the white dress.

Sigrin looked around all the guests and saw what she had not noticed before: claws, fangs, hair and horns, wings, leaves and strange eyes, soft light emanating from some, and a dark halo around others.

“Oh,” Sigrin said and tried to reach for her tiny wings. Those – wow! – obediently straightened, and she almost pulled out a feather.

“You’ll be more careful,” the blue fairy shook her head (or head?).

“And don’t forget what you wished for them,” added the red fairy.- Your word is junior. Last thing. The great winds usually listen to it.

Sigreen’s mouth suddenly went dry. She didn’t know! And she even managed to forget what she blurted out in an impulse to protect the unlucky Iggra. But does she really need her protection?

“Of course we do,” the fairies answered at the same time. – The most sincere and most unexpected.

Sigrin watched Iggra run a hand through her fiance’s wet hair and fish out a shell.

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