15 Things To Know When You Have An Affair With A Married Woman
I recently got involved in an extramarital affair with a married woman with two kids and got out of it after five months of togetherness. You may ask, why would a man have a relationship with a woman who is already with someone and has a home and a family? Well, there are times and a few situations when a man can fall in love with a married woman, and the woman in question will return the love. That’s when an affair with a married woman can happen. Moreover, dating a married woman is far more intense and fulfilling than dating a young girl with less life experience to her credit.
During our time together, we got used to spending a lot of time chatting, meeting, hanging out, and then, eventually, she started confiding in me. And I was ecstatic, thinking, “Oh wow! A married woman likes me.” But I was wrong, the woman just didn’t like me, she confessed her love for me later. She was head-over-heels in love with me! So my relationship with a married woman was fulfilling.
It did not matter to me that she was the woman of another man, and she had two kids and a family. Eventually, the affair ended, and we went our separate ways. She went back to her family while I became a lonely man, who could not even discuss what I was going through with anyone. This was the most difficult part of having an affair with a married woman.
The breakup was terrible, and it hurt a lot, so I did my research on extramarital affairs and the why and how of their occurrence.
The Statistics On Extramarital Affairs
During the course of my research, I found that I wasn’t an exception. An affair with a married woman is more common than we think. Amazingly, 40% of online affairs turn into real-time affairs
The first and foremost reason for a person to cheat is the desire to have an affair. The reasons may be anything from boredom to revenge or just understandable experimentation, and surprisingly 57% of couples in India are already doing that 2. So an affair with a married woman is something many single men are involved in.
Whatever the reason may be, being in a relationship with a married woman is altogether different from being with an unmarried girl, the differentiator being experience and maturity level.An affair with a married woman is common
15 Things You Should Know While Having An Affair With A married Woman
When you get involved with a woman who is already married, you feel you are probably more desirable than her husband. It starts with emotional infidelity and ends up in the bedroom as it might lead to you having the best sex with her. Plus, you may feel that she is not keen on marriage, unlike other single women, and you can have good fun without dodging questions of commitment.
Slowly, feelings start to develop, and you find it hard to accept that she is not ‘yours’. The initial thrill fades away as you realize she meets you when she wants you (or when she can), not the other way round. She spends all her time with her family but has a quickie with you leaving you wanting her even more.
And that’s why you need to know the probable consequences of having an affair with a married woman is that you will feel emotionally dissatisfied and will continuously find yourself craving her company.
1. She’s not going to leave her husband or break up her family
In the Indian context, a woman can rarely think of breaking her family and going for divorce unless under extreme circumstances. Across the world, women find it hard to break their own homes and walk out of the marriage just because they get the thrill somewhere else.
Being a male, you should be aware of this fact and you may continue until she decides to end it due to certain emotional or family reasons. When you are in an affair with a married woman you will be left to nurse a broken heart. However, don’t lose all hope. There are certain situations where an extramarital happily ever after does exist.
At the same time, it cannot be the presumed outcome of such a relationship. If you’re in love with a married woman, it’s best to have a frank conversation about whether you two ending up together is even a possibility for her. This will help you set expectations realistically.
2. She may just be looking for revenge
Many married women engage in an extramarital affair if they suspect their husband is having one or have discovered the same. While having an affair with you, she may just be using you to teach her husband a lesson. She may be feeling that she is giving her husband a taste of his own medicine while sleeping with you.
Maybe, the great sex that you had was part of the beautiful revenge she had planned for her husband. So your relationship with a married woman is a tool for revenge. Think long and hard about the nature of your relationship.
Did it begin as an emotional affair with a married woman and then turn physical? Or is it purely driven by lust? The answer will give you clarity on why a married woman is having an affair with you.
Related Reading: What Are The Consequences Of Affairs Between Married Couples?
3. She may be beating boredom or spicing up her life
After years of marriage, monotony sets in. But options are available. A routine sets in and sex becomes boring. A new person to share some feelings with and a passionate session of sex make it look exciting and happening again.
So she was maybe just having fun, while you may assume she’s serious about the relationship. Does she ask you to use sex toys? Is she very interested in experimenting even with the condoms you buy? She tries all kinds of seduction tricks on you from pouring hot chocolate sauce to licking ice cream off of you?
As mind-blowing as the sex may be, chances are she is just fulfilling her fantasies with you. You’re the exciting forbidden fruit that adds thrill to her otherwise plain and predictable life.
4. You are just an exciting chapter in the book of her life
A relationship with a married woman is at her convenience. Because she’s hiding from her husband. She may end it if she develops a fear of getting caught. Or maybe, when she gets caught. Or if she’s just looking for some fun outside, she may leave you when she finds another option or gets bored of her affair the way she did with her husband.
This uncertainty can also keep you hooked to this relationship with a married woman and make you desire her more. However, this momentary thrill can lead to a lifetime of scarring. So, it’s best to enter the affair, knowing that it can end at any point in time.
5. Be ready for the heartbreak
Because the woman you love will suddenly disappear any day it may be wise to know this and accept it. Women rarely walk away from their families to be with someone new.
When she pulls back, you may be left feeling like the heartbreak will kill you. Yes, if you’re truly in love with a married woman and she doesn’t see a future with you, you have to brace yourself for intense, crippling pain. You might find it hard to recover from your affair with a married woman.You are headed for a heartbreak
6. Problems to build your own family
Men who get involved with married women feel their partners will leave their husbands and start a family with them. This is a rare occurrence. And in waiting for this to happen, they let go of other options to settle down and have a family. Sometimes, the wait is so long that such men end up staying alone all their lives.
Never, in any case, imagine a future with her. Because women generally turn back to their family and saving it will be their priority. “I’m seeing a married woman and it’s good while it lasts but it may not last forever,” remind yourself of this every single day so that you don’t lose sight of reality in the throes of emotions.
7. You are the second option
Her husband is her priority. She might cancel plans with you if she needs to be with her family or husband. Be ready for the ‘second fiddle’ stuff in your affair with a married woman.
We know of someone who was having an affair with a married woman and had a romantic evening planned with private dining arrangements along with flowers and champagne only to have her cancel on him at the last minute. She texted him five minutes before they were supposed to meet that she wouldn’t be able to make it as her husband brought home pizza and wanted to do a movie night with the kids.
So, even when what you have planned sounds more fun and appealing, she will always pick her family. When she calls you, sounding sorry and crestfallen, and says, “Baby, I want nothing more than to be with you right now but I can’t risk my husband getting suspicious”, what can you even do except being understanding.
Related Reading: My Husband Is Impotent And I Am Having An Affair With Someone Else
8.Family commitments first
You have planned a beautiful evening with her. But she says her kids want to watch a movie. She will go to the cinema, and you will end up feeling what? Left out. It’s natural; a woman will give priority to her family. In an extramarital affair, you will have to make the compromise most of the time.
That’s why getting too closely attached to your partner can lead to immense and repeated disappointments and hurt. Even if you’re in an emotional affair with a married woman and love her deeply, learn to protect yourself.
9. She has sex with her husband too
You can’t rule this one out. No matter what she says, what happens behind that bedroom door stays there. While having sex with you, she may also be having sex with her husband. Being in a relationship with a married woman means saying goodbye to all the norms of exclusivity that you have been conditioned to believe in.
You have to make your peace with the fact that she is sexually intimate with another man, and perhaps, sleeps with him more often than she does with you. This can lead to jealousy rearing its ugly head in an affair with a married woman, and ‘do not ask, do not tell’ is the best policy to keep those unpleasant feelings of jealousy, insecurity and possessiveness out of the equation.
And if she’s out to experience some fun outside the marriage, they may be a couple more partners too. Make sure you use protection to avoid any kind of STDs.
10. Emotional manipulation/seeking a shoulder
If she’s complaining about her husband all the time and saying how inconsiderate he is, she may be just giving you a signal that she is available. Or maybe she’s just seeking a shoulder to cry on. In your relationship with a married woman, you have to be aware of that.
You must remember that a marriage is a powerful bond, and even though she may be unhappy with her husband now, things will get better. Remember to criticize her husband as little as possible. If possible, ask her to keep you out of her marital troubles.
Even if you want to be a supportive partner to her, then hear her out, be empathetic, compassionate and supportive of her struggles but without venturing into the space of husband bashing.
11. She may miss her hubby while with you
While having an affair with you, she might feel guilty and miss her husband even more. Because she shares kids and a home with her husband, she might feel like going back to her family. The initial phase of the excitement of being with you wears out and she seems to worry about her family more.
Read the signs carefully. When you are having Thai food does she suddenly say her husband loves it? When you tell her she is looking stunning in a dress, very nonchalantly she will tell you, it’s an anniversary gift from her husband. What does this say? She is always thinking of her husband.
12. Dealing with the husband’s wrath
And if the husband caught her red-handed, you may be the subject of his wrath. Because no husband wants his wife to share a bed with the ‘other man’. Moreover, he will direct all his anger toward you, sometimes manifesting in physical violence as well. You’d be better off if you join a self-defense course or are great at running.
This will be the first thing that would come in handy if you are having an affair with a married woman. Even if things don’t escalate to that extent, you cannot rule out the possibility that her husband might do anything in his power to get back at you. For instance, if you’re having an affair with a married woman at the workplace, he could get HR involved and mess things up in your professional life.
Other than that, from smearing your name on social media to badmouthing you in front of people you may know in common, the reactions can be extreme and with far-reaching consequences. So, beware!
13. She’ll struggle with conflicting emotions
Whether it’s an emotional affair with a married woman or a physical one, whether she is cheating with you online or IRL, expect a lot of emotional turmoil in the relationship. While she may have genuine feelings for you, the cheating guilt will get the better of her every now and again.
Yes, even if your affair with a married woman stems from her being caught in an unhappy or unfulfilling marriage, she will still be torn between wanting to be with you and doing right by her spouse. This can lead to a lot of hot-and-cold dynamics that can take a toll on your mental health and well-being.
Related Reading: We Had A Loyal Relationship But My Wife Was Diagnosed With An STD
14. “What are we?” You’ll never know
Another tricky aspect of being in a relationship with a married woman is that the ‘what are we?’ conversation will never have a conclusive outcome. Even if you’re madly in love with a married woman and she, you, the moral compass we’re conditioned to abide by will stop her just short of going all in.
You will have to get used to radio silence or evasive responses, every time you say ‘I love you’ to her. If you ask her how she feels about you, she may become withdrawn and distant. This can come as a huge blow to your self-esteem and can forever alter the way you behave in future intimate connections.
The consequences of an affair with a married woman can linger on long after the relationship has ended. So, it’s absolutely vital that you get into a relationship with a married woman with both eyes open and find ways to protect yourself.
15. Be prepared to be dropped like a hot potato
An affair with a married woman yields no stability. One moment, you may be thinking, “I’m seeing a married woman, and it’s going great. I see a future with her,” and the next, she could be having the “I can’t do this anymore” conversation with you.
Given the baggage she comes with, it’s best to take the one-day-at-a-time approach in your relationship with a married woman. Don’t get sucked in too deep or start making plans of a happily-ever-after with her. When push comes to shove, in all probability, she WILL choose her husband and family over you.
Married Women And Extramarital Relationships
Married women are getting more and more into extramarital affairs, and it’s mostly at work, thanks to the changing social dynamics like women participating more and more in the workforce, getting more involved in the social life and most importantly, the powerful presence of social media.
Additionally, women also have affairs because they want to experience the thrill in their lives, especially if they have married early. Some married women marry for convenience and look for warmth and affection in marital relationships. Sometimes it is plain boredom that drives married women to seek pleasure and love outside their marriage.
Whatever the reason, extramarital affairs have been rising and will continue to do so. And while men generally are believed to be the culprits, married women too seek pleasure, thrill and excitement outside their married life. Having an affair with a married woman is not a good idea, but even then if you go ahead, be aware of the consequences.
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Love and happiness are certainly important to me in my 20-year marriage to Stephen. They are also important to me in my nine-year affair with Michael. I didn’t have an affair lightly. I know people have affairs for all sorts of reasons and think ultimately that they have a goal in mind – the end of their marriage, a lasting new relationship or a complete change to what they see as a boring life.
I’m none of these things. I want no drama disrupting my family. I want to stay happily married and carry on my affair and I never, ever want anyone else to know, so I have every detail planned and covered. My husband doesn’t suspect, my sisters and my best friends have no idea and I make sure there’s no evidence at all that can trip me up.
I didn’t start an affair because I’m lacking anything with Stephen. He’s a brilliant dad and funny, intelligent, fit and attractive. We’ve always made an effort to keep things fresh – of course you get bogged down in daily life, but we go out for dinner by ourselves or have a day off when we pack the kids off to school and go back to bed for a few hours. We also do a lot as a family, as well as socialising with friends and enjoying a variety of hobbies, so being organised is vital and, like many working mothers, I keep a meticulous diary to make sure everyone is in the right place at the right time.
I started plotting how we could do it and never get found out
I also have a diary in my head of my times with Michael, but I never put anything in writing. No love missives – texts are about the families getting together – and any emails are work related because we work in the same field. Stephen was friends with Michael first, having met him at a school event when our youngest child was just starting. He couldn’t believe we hadn’t met professionally and soon introduced us. He’s completely different from Stephen, who is very forthright, enthusiastic and go-getting while Michael is dreamy and creative, but with an incisive sense of humour and very witty, so they get on well.
I was quite shaken when I started to find Michael attractive. I’m not stupid enough to think you can go through life fancying only one person, but I’d kept any previous little crushes firmly in my head. Stephen is quite a flirt himself and the odd little bit of jealousy never did me any harm, and tended to respark my interest in my husband.
This was different. For the first time since we got married, I could imagine myself having an affair and at first it made me uncomfortable. I started plotting how we could do it and never get found out, and almost convinced myself that I was just being academic about it. Then we all got quite drunk at a party and Michael and I really started flirting. I thought life would go back to normal the next day and it did in front of Stephen and Jane, but we had a completely different relationship when we were alone.
We started talking dirty. At first it was just a little edgy – do you still fancy Stephen/Jane? Ever been unfaithful? Ever thought of it? It got more and more explicit and I couldn’t get him out of my mind. But I got a bad shock when he sent me a filthy text one night. I was sure he was drunk as it was short but very graphic. At that point my conscience was almost clear as we’d done nothing but talk, so I said, “Oh my God, Stephen – Michael’s just sent me a text that’s meant for Jane!”
Stephen thought it was hilarious and I texted back and said, “Isn’t this for Jane? Stephen says lucky her!”
Stephen teased him about it for ages but the next time I was alone with him I was furious and told him never to do something so stupid again. He said he thought I fancied him and I said very calmly that I did, but I wouldn’t risk my marriage or kids for anyone. It took another six months of discussion and planning before the affair started. We agreed that it was to be an added extra to an already strong friendship, but organised calmly and dispassionately, so no one would suspect.
By the time we slept together, we were both in a total state and it was a complete disaster. He’d been to the first day of a conference – I arrived that afternoon and checked into the same hotel. We had three hours in the late afternoon till his flight home and despite all our talk about being calm and dispassionate we were both unbelievably nervous. We were like two teenagers, and not in a good way.
For months I’d been totally turned on every time we were anywhere close to each other, but not now. The sex was clumsy and painful and a couple of times I wondered what the hell I was doing. He had his own worries – it was over far too soon and I felt dissatisfied as well as guilty – and he clearly felt the same. We had another go before he had to rush for his plane and it was just as bad. He said he would text me and I snapped at him not to – had he forgotten all we agreed? Stephen phoned later and in the midst of the chat about the kids asked if Michael was at the conference so I said he’d popped in before he left.
Coming home the next night was hellish. I was sure Stephen could tell I’d had sex with someone else but he was the same as ever and I was pathetically pleased that I was able to enjoy sex with him as normal. It was another two days before I saw Michael again and I was desperate to phone him, despite my rules, though I managed not to. He looked so miserable I was instantly irritated, convinced Jane would have guessed something was up. I was tempted to suggest we just forget it but I didn’t want to make him even more upset so I was reassuring and said we’d sort something out.
We meet as lovers about twice a month, which probably does keep the magic and anticipation going
We went away for a week’s holiday and I did a lot of thinking. I decided that nerves had made the sex awkward, and once we got over the hump – so to speak – we’d be fine, so I deliberately made plans. Stephen took the kids to the cinema that weekend. I phoned their house, telling Jane I had mislaid papers from the conference and asking if Michael could bring me his so I could copy them. I read one of Stephen’s porn mags to get me in the mood, opened the front door and literally dragged him into the toilet, where we had exactly the sort of sex I’d imagined.
That was the last risk I took. I’m sure no one suspects we’re having an affair. We meet as lovers about twice a month, which probably does keep the magic and anticipation going, but I’m endlessly careful; I do worry about CCTV now as it’s everywhere. We usually meet at a conference hotel or at the airport and I might say to Stephen that I bumped into Michael and had a coffee with him, though I obviously won’t tell him that was after lunch and before sex. We’ve managed to resist that temptation to tell others by talking to each other instead. There are no romantic letters, emails or texts – and because we have fairly constant contact, there’s none of that terrible panic that illicit lovers seem to have about when the next encounter will be.
This care is also my safety net should Michael ever want more. He says he still loves Jane but if he decides otherwise I would just deny everything and there’s no proof. Not a note, credit card bill or hotel receipt – everything is paid by cash – so I’d just walk away.
I wouldn’t be friends with Jane if I didn’t want the smokescreen that provides – we’re too different and there’s a slightly snobbish side to her that irks me, but a monthly coffee or occasional girls’ night makes it seem that we have a separate friendship and so she’s much less likely to suspect anything. She’s even said that I’m good for Michael as he doesn’t have sisters so it’s nice to see him have a friendship with a woman.
Domesticity doesn’t do it for everyone long term, no matter how much we’d like it to
I love both men, I’m harming no one and have no intention of doing so. I know we’re being greedy but it’s not affecting anyone else badly. If anything, it enhances my sex life with Stephen and when you’ve got two men seeing you naked you certainly keep yourself fit. I want everything to continue as it is, whereas many people having affairs want something to change, usually other relationships, so they can be together all the time. Strange as it may seem, my biggest worry is that, years on, Michael may die first and I won’t be able to grieve properly, because although the close friendship is known and taken for granted, obviously the affair isn’t. In a matter of fact way, we also assume that, when we’re much older, if our partners die we’ll end up together almost by default. Like everyone else, I’m aiming to live happily ever after, but with both men as part of my life. The only way to make that feasible is to keep everything as tidy as possible.
Perhaps we don’t want to explore the premise that for most people it’s not fidelity and love that keeps them constant to their partner, but fear of potential messiness should they be discovered. How many people, no matter how satisfied with their sex lives and happy with their partners, would say “no thank you” to an explosive sexual encounter if it was guaranteed that they’d never be found out? Domesticity doesn’t do it for everyone long term, no matter how much we’d like it to and although that’s apparent in male behaviour over the centuries now that women are on a par with men, surely this means such potential restlessness applies equally to both sexes?
It takes a very brave person to give an honest response, but, before judging me, ask yourself just one question – what’s stopping you from doing exactly the same?
As told to Joan McFadden
I fell in love with a married woman.This is my story
I have always prized loyalty in all relationships. A disloyal person, whether in friendship, business, or love, cannot be trusted. I was an engineer in a job market full of thousands of engineers produced annually. So when an offer came to teach at a government university located in a mofussil town, I took it up hesitatingly.
Better be 31 and a teacher, no matter where, than 31 and broke. My girlfriend of four years had also decided she wanted to move on. So I figured, life in an obscure college as a teacher would give me the peace and quiet I needed.
That couldn’t have been farther from what lay in store. My first meeting with her was quite routine, a basic introduction to staff members I was to share the campus with. The university was our own little world, as not much lay outside. She was not in my department, five years older, and married with two children, putting her in the “not happening” section in my “loyalty is life” head.
We shared a table in the staff canteen. The next semester the schedules changed but I looked for every opportunity to be in the canteen the same time as her.
We bonded over Camus and Derrida, questioned Hegel and argued over Nietzsche. She was the organic river flowing in my technical life.
She had been teaching at the university for a little over a year. Her husband was in the city with their children. She took up this job when her husband lost his and though she missed her children terribly, their future had to be financially secured. But when we were together, nothing else mattered. Not her reality. Or mine.
Cafeteria discussions turned into late-night conversations walking around the campus, which then moved into our flats. We were quite sure that ours was just a friendship of like minds. But we had to be discreet to avoid tongues wagging in our tiny community. This did make me aware of her married status. But it also made it more fun.
I felt like a student stealing that first kiss, away from parents and teachers. One night, I leaned in and kissed her. It was not planned or thought. I just don’t know what happened. Was that the first time I’d thought of her as more than a friend?We shared a table in the staff canteen. (Photo: Reuters)
Of course not. But I’d previously managed to push those feelings into the recesses of my subconscious. She responded, if only for a second, before pushing me away and walking out.
The next few days she avoided me, while I tried to apologise. Though if I am honest, I wasn’t sorry. This relationship went against everything I believed in. Yet it felt right. In fact, not being able to be with her seemed wrong. I finally managed to get her to talk to me. She said her husband was a nice man and didn’t deserve this. Neither did her children. I understood, or tried to.
We stopped talking. For weeks we pretended to be strangers in the same campus. Then the holidays came and it was a relief to get away. I even looked for jobs elsewhere so I wouldn’t see her every day and be able to move on.
The new academic year began with a heartbroken me. Disappointed in myself for falling for a married woman, in life for making me fall in love with a married woman and in her for being married. But something had changed.
One night, she knocked on my door. When I opened the door she hugged me and said she missed me. We started to talk again. After a few weeks I kissed her again. Only this time she didn’t push me away.
It has been over six months now. We’ve created our own oasis. A sub reality where notions of right and wrong are bent. She says she may be moving back to her family, as her husband’s financial position has improved. I don’t question her.
I honestly do not know where I stand in her life. What made her change her mind or what lies ahead. I’m aware of what my actions might seem like. But I didn’t set out to love a married woman, or destroy someone’s family. Right and wrong seem amorphous from the precipice where I stand. All I know is that we are here, together, in this moment. And for now, that’s all that matters.
(This post first appeared on Bonobology.com)
Also read: How love struck a fairytale marriage and ruined it
True wife confessions: How women’s real-life stories became the new internet sensation | The Independent
“I am married, rather begrudgingly, to a man who no longer makes me feel anything,” writes Shelly in her blog, Confessions of a Wayward Wife. “Things are OK between us. Maybe that’s the problem – things are fine. But it isn’t exciting or even interesting any more. Our love-making is performed mostly out of habit. If he leaves the dishes expectantly in the sink, it makes me furious. Even the way he moves in bed makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a fork.”
Fork-induced eye injuries notwithstanding, these admissions don’t necessarily mark Shelly’s marriage out as unusual. Even happily married couples might wince in recognition at those moments of irrational fury that can accompany long-term relationships. Marriages that have gone off the boil are also not a rarity – therapist Shirley P Glass states in her book Not Just Friends that one or both parties in 50 per cent of all couples will be unfaithful, and adultery remains the most common reason cited by divorcing couples. What makes Shelly distinct is the fact that she is cheating on her husband and writes candidly about it online (at confessionsofawaywardwife.blogspot.com) under a pseudonym. And she’s not alone. Shelly’s blog is one of a growing number of “infidelity blogs” which attract a loyal online following.
Infidelity blogging is part of a bigger confessional blogging scene. Sites like Post Secret ( postsecret.com), which publishes people’s anonymous confessions in postcard form, might have started the trend as far back as 2005 but the internet is now awash with places for the guilt-ridden to unburden their virtual souls. Secret Tweet ( secrettweet.com) enables users to post anonymous confessions to Twitter, Second Chance ( secondchance online. blogspot.com) publishes people’s regrets anonymously, and True Wife Confessions ( truewifeconfessions.blogspot.com) is a forum for women to post their real-life relationship confessions. One post reads: “I know this is hypocritical but since you’ve gained so much weight, I’m just not that attracted to you any more.”
Dawn Rouse, the founder of True Wife Confessions, admits to writing the first 20 confessions – including less shocking revelations such as “I know where your belt, glasses or wallet are. I just think it’s funny to watch you run around like a crazy person looking for them” and “Sometimes you only have to make me laugh to change my mood. It is not a strategy you use enough”. But now she has more than enough posts to keep the site refreshed. Rouse offers some insights into why women are so keen to write about acutely personal issues in such a public sphere. “I feel there is a definite lack of space for women to say the unsayable; the things that we as humans need to say or lose our minds,” she explains. “I may say these things in a therapist’s office. Others may only have access to a blog like this. You get it out. Then it dissipates, gives you the impetus to say it to your partner, or confirms that you have some different choices to make in life.”
Callie, a wife and mother who blogs anonymously about her affair with a married man, agrees. “Most of my friends know my husband so I couldn’t talk to them about my affair,” she confides. “Blogging was a safe way to find people who could relate to my circumstances without it affecting my ordinary life.” For her, infidelity blogging isn’t a brazen attempt to flaunt unfaithfulness but is instead inspired by the need to know you’re normal, and not alone. “The thing that has amazed me most about other bloggers is that they are all just ordinary people trying to make the most of their situations,” she says. “In one way or another, their marriages no longer work but they don’t want to leave because of the broader implications. Having a community of people in similar circumstances makes it less isolating. “
Blogging also gave Amy, the author of My Married Life ( marriedwifeblog.blogspot.com), a much-needed emotional outlet to talk about her affairs. “The prevailing attitude towards infidelity is: ‘Work it out at home,'” she says. “People wrongly assume that someone who cheats doesn’t love their spouse.” Amy began blogging to explore whether other people shared her view that loving her husband and having affairs were equally legitimate parts of her life, and she soon found a virtual community of supportive, like-minded bloggers.
Tuesday Malone, a married mum who writes about her affair with a married man at insidetheaffair.com, blogs for similar reasons. “Infidelity is an extremely isolating experience,” she says. “Apart from the moments of intensity you share with your lover, you are unable to share the experience with anyone else in your life, including those closest to you.” Tuesday’s regular readers range from people having affairs to those whose partners have been unfaithful. “Others are just interested in infidelity or they like the writing,” she says. “Many of us are going through the same experiences and emotions – it’s like having your own personal ‘cheer squad’ on the sidelines.” Petal, a wife and mother in her thirties who has an open marriage following her husband’s discovery of her affair, admits that she also enjoys the attention bestowed on her by her readers. “I suppose some of the comments feed my ego a bit,” she admits. “Having people give me feedback is a bit heady.”
Blogging, like infidelity, can become an addiction in itself – and for some, infidelity blogging can become something of a demanding mistress too. Tuesday Malone admits this. “There is no doubt that discovery would ruin my life in many ways,” she reflects. “But like some perverse drug I cannot seem to give it up.”
Bloggers do sometimes hang up their boots, of course. Amy thinks she’ll eventually lose interest in blogging because finding opportunities to write isn’t easy. Tuesday Malone agrees that her blog would be brought to a swift conclusion if her husband found it, although she takes steps to avoid that, using a proxy server, only blogging when she’s alone in the house and always deleting her browsing history. She claims she’s equivocal whether discovery would actually be a good thing – but she hesitates and I can’t decide if the implication is that it might free her to keep blogging without subterfuge, or that being exposed might in itself be good blog material.
For many anonymous bloggers the risks of being found out are outweighed by the benefits that blogging brings, despite concern that discovery could hurt loved ones. Kimberly describes the dangers in her blog, The Errant Wife ( www.yourerrantwife.blogspot.com). “We know we could be caught, but the needs are such that they are worth the risk,” she writes. “In the cost/benefit analysis our destruction doesn’t seem so bad when compared to our craving … and we all think we are too smart to get caught. “
Serial Mistress, a divorcee who dates married men and writes about her experiences at serialmistress.blogspot.com, sees things differently. “People are real, and very important to me,” she says. “My blog would never be written to the detriment of a relationship.” Of course, it’s difficult to overlook the fact that somewhere there are unwitting wives whose husbands’ extra-marital exploits provide much of the content for such blogs.
There’s an argument that says infidelity blogs are written to the detriment of relationships. But does guilt exist in virtual reality? Opinion is divided. Ms Scarlett, a fortysomething married mum, writes about her affair with a married man at msscarlettletter.blogspot.com. She doesn’t feel guilt about her affair or her blog, and argues that’s common among infidelity bloggers. “Why? Not sure. Maybe we’ve been pushed far enough in our real lives that it just doesn’t feel wrong,” she muses.
In contrast, Callie feels guilty on both counts. “I have tried to be fairly respectful of my husband and to avoid writing about him. But just learning about what I have done would be devastating to our relationship,” she admits. “I don’t think he could ever understand why I felt the need to do it.” Tuesday Malone says guilt is inevitable but describes it as a twinge rather than a full-on assault. “Guilt should pervade my life at every turn,” she acknowledges. “I am betraying my husband by having the affair. I am betraying my lover by writing my blog. But somehow I have blocked the guilt and not allowed myself to feel it. The thing I feel most guilty about is not feeling guilty.”
At heart, infidelity blogging appears to be an effort to give concrete reality to relationships that often have their roots in unreality; to legitimise something that society mostly denounces. An infidelity blogger might not be able to hold the hand of her lover in public but she can create an online persona around their affair and write in intimate detail about illicit hours spent together.
Still, writing online about infidelity could be seen as a harder betrayal to understand than the adultery itself. After all, while an affair can be unintentional, or at least unpremeditated, there’s nothing unwitting about blogging. It’s hard not to feel pangs of pity for the partners who know less about the person with whom they exchanged vows than scores of virtual strangers. But it’s not always easy, either, to condemn the choices of those for whom adultery and the internet offer a release from the realities of difficult relationships.
Either way, whether they are seeking virtual absolution or just attention, the new infidelity bloggers seem to be having their cake and writing about it too.
The serial mistress by ‘Karen Marley’
I blog about my experiences as a single woman, dating married men. I started blogging to help people understand that mistresses aren’t all home-wreckers and unpaid hookers. I’ll always be in the firing line regarding my life as a serial mistress but even if my blog came under criticism I wouldn’t stop. The typical mistress has always been portrayed as a damaged woman who falls for a man she can’t have, and spends the rest of her time either pining over him or trying to wreck his marriage. I’m not interested in wrecking homes or destroying lives and I make no demands of the men I date, so I have nothing to be ashamed of. I refuse to hide just because that’s what society says the “scarlet woman” should do. I love being single and I enjoy the company of successful, charismatic men who have other lives to go to when they’re not with me. I love living alone and I enjoy close relationships with attached men, without it becoming mundane, without having to pick up pants off the floor, and without the grief and hassle most relationships endure.
The yummy mummy by ‘Betty Walker’
I am a mother, a partner, a businesswoman, a friend and a lover. The real me never really sees the light of day until I blog. My blog allows me to share my experience with a like-minded community. I didn’t realise there were so many of us out there until I started this journey. My personal feelings are usually hidden beneath a veneer. As a mum and businesswoman I’m required to be on my best behaviour but sometimes you just need an outlet to say the things you can’t normally say. Mums have it hard – society still expects us to be virtuous and homely, and we don’t have the equality in the home that we do in business. We lose all sense of sexuality and self. I think this is why we are seeing a rise in female bloggers. Just to say out loud what you feel is a form of therapy. I feel guilty everyday but I’m not doing anything that hasn’t been done before, it’s just wrapped up in a different package. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone and that’s always in the back of my mind. Maybe I’ll stop when my story is told.
The unfaithful wife by ‘Amy S’
I’ve been married for almost seven years and I have slept with quite a few other men. My husband is not aware. I looked on the web to see if there were other women in the same situation and all I found were people being shot down by the moral police. So I started my blog as an experiment; a place to order my thoughts and talk at my own pace, and to connect with others in similar circumstances and find out if they felt the same things. I love my hubby dearly; I don’t think I love him any less than someone who is faithful. My blog is not a place for evangelists against cheating, although I do listen to good advice. Maybe blogging is a justification. Maybe it’s a desire for community. I write about my infidelities from an emotional and physical perspective. I love my sexuality and want to connect with others like me. Besides my friends, the people who read my blog are mostly spectators and voyeurs like me. I like reading about people who love their spouses but have discreet sexual fun with others.
The secret affair by ‘Tuesday Malone’
I am a thirtysomething married woman having an affair. I started blogging because I felt isolated from both my husband and my married lover. I didn’t feel I could confide in a friend as I was afraid of being judged or misunderstood, so I went to an internet café in a different part of the city, started a blog and wrote my first post. The feeling of liberation was immediate. My blog is my journey through the moral and emotional minefield of infidelity, as well as its social and personal consequences. I write about my experiences of reading between text- message lines and having to explain why one’s knickers are in one’s handbag and not on one’s person. Blogging enables me to share my experiences with a like-minded, non-judgemental community, who provide a surprising level of emotional support and analysis. It’s extremely comforting to know I am not alone. I began writing for myself, but I now write with my “commenters” in mind. I find it inspiring to write “to” this community because I know I have a sympathetic and encouraging audience. Part of the attraction is also the element of danger surrounding writing an anonymous public blog.
The Scarlett woman by ‘Ms Scarlett’
I started blogging because I needed somewhere to get my thoughts down without fear of judgement. I also needed an outlet before I started talking about my other life to people in my real life. I write about my relationship with my lover – its ups and downs, as well as about relationships in general. I don’t really consider it public. I don’t write under my own name, and there’s no way anyone I know would identify me as the writer even if they found the blog. It started as an outlet, somewhere to talk about my life, but it has turned into a community, a sharing of ideas with people I’ve never met but who I consider friends. They know exactly what I’m talking about – we’ve all been through a lot of the same things. As one of them said just today, “Whoever said pen-pals are a thing of the past never tried blogging”. I write for myself; it’s the cheapest therapy I’ll ever get. I would be stunned if my family ever found my blog and connected it to me, so I don’t really worry about being caught.
How Our Marriage Survived an Affair With Someone Who Knows Me
“I was mad at his family, because his family has a lot of adultery in it, so I was like, Oh, thanks a lot for giving me this dude. And I was mad at myself for knowing that and accepting him anyway.”
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A Philly couple shares how their marriage survived an affair. Photograph by Andre Rucker
This story is one piece of our Marriage Stories feature, a look inside real-life Philadelphia marriages. Here, an anonymous couple, married 19 years, shares their story.
She: We got married in 2002. The first three years of our marriage were so happy. We had our first kid in 2006, and we were so excited. But that was also a really traumatic year — a difficult birth, serious illnesses in our extended family, we got pregnant again, a lot of grief and trauma.
He: At the end of 2007, we took a trip overseas with my in-laws and the kids — one was a few months old, and the other was just under two. It was a month-long trip, and I could only get off for a week. I flew back and drove to one of my favorite brunch spots in Philly, and a woman I knew walked in and sat down next to me. We got to talking.
She: That was the part that bugged me just as much as him actually having the affair — the fact that she knows me, she knew that we were married, and we were always very friendly.
He: She lived nearby, we wound up in her living room, and one thing led to another. My wife and kids were away for another three weeks, so we spent a lot of time together. Yes, there’s sex, but then there’s sex with somebody you actually have a good connection with. So that really complicated things.
She: We came back home, and I could tell he was weird. I’d ask him: Are you okay? Are you having an affair? Are you gay? We went to couples therapy, and he said he just didn’t love me anymore. Six months later, I found their emails. I packed up the kids, packed a bag, cleared out our bank account, and went to my parents’ house. He finally fessed up.
He: There were massive amounts of deception going on — CIA-level shit. Like, the woman I was seeing installed a rope ladder out of her back window so I could exit if my wife ever came there. I was shocked and relieved when my wife found out, because the amount of secrecy and deception that was required was extremely stressful. It was an incredibly emotional moment. She freaked the fuck out. I felt the world collapsing around me.
She: It kills you. It kills you. I was so angry, because I’ve always asked the hard questions, I gave him so many outs, he had so much time to tell me. I was mad at his family, because his family has a lot of adultery in it, so I was like, Oh, thanks a lot for giving me this dude. And I was mad at myself for knowing that and accepting him anyway.
He: We eventually went to therapy, and eventually I moved back into the house. But shortly thereafter, the other woman and I started to see each other again. I believe we were literally addicted to each other. She never put pressure on me to leave my wife. If she had, I don’t think I would have left, and it probably would have ended the relationship a lot sooner.
She: The first time, it was, “We have two babies, and it’s not so easy to walk away.” The second time, I had a divorce attorney all set.
He: I remember lying on my friend’s couch and looking at what a wreck I made of my life, how I screwed up her life, and how I could potentially be screwing up my kids’ lives. I think I came to the precipice and saw the deep chasm before me. I told the other woman that I needed to get back with my wife, and that there was no way to do that and see her at the same time. And I pried myself away from her.
She: I remember him calling me. He was a mess. He used the word “epiphany,” and I remember laughing at him, and being like, “You’re a joke. An epiphany? Dude, fuck you.” But at the same time, you could just hear the difference. He was a different person. And now, he’s just dad-husband-worker. It wasn’t that long ago, but it feels like a different lifetime, a different person, two different people.
He: Once she made the decision to go back in, there weren’t snide remarks, there wasn’t checking up on me. I think she came to the decision of, if we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this, and we’re going to plow forward, and that’s what we did.
She: Initially it was, What did I do wrong? And then I realized: I didn’t do anything wrong. Life threw a lot of shit our way, and I was walking through it and he walked away. But it gave me a voice that I never took advantage of, and it forced him to grow up. I think we needed it, in some terrible way, and I wish we didn’t need it, and I don’t think many marriages survive it — but I think they can. If you’re going to do the work.
Published as a part of a “Marriage Stories” feature in the April 2020 issue of Philadelphia magazine.
Cheating horror story: ‘I discovered my wife’s affair through our bedroom fan’
A heartbroken man has revealed how he discovered his wife’s 18-month affair in the most unlikely way: through their bedroom fan.
The husband, who goes by the username Seamus5150 on Reddit, explained he and his wife had been married for more than 17 years and he never suspected she was cheating.
RELATED: Internet shares ‘worst cheating stories’ and they’ll make you want to be singleA man discovered his wife’s affair through their high-tech fan. (Getty)
Admitting they’ve had “minor bumps” in their relationship and things have been distant during the coronavirus pandemic as he works in the medical field, he said he thought their marriage was still “tight”.
That is, until he went to change the filter on the high-tech Dyson fan in their bedroom and discovered something terrible.
The fancy home gadget pairs with an app that lets users access certain functions, so when Seamus went to change the filter, he grabbed his wife’s phone to update a few settings on the fan.A notification on his wife’s phone left the man horrified. (iStock)
He noticed she had put a password on her phone and was planning to ask what had prompted that when a Snapchat notification popped up on his wife’s phone.
“My stomach dropped immediately as I read the small tag, ‘I’ll bring the special toy’ it said,” Seamus recalled in a detailed Reddit post.
“My mind just stopped functioning. She asked what was the matter, after I guess several minutes of me just sitting and staring at the bedroom fan.”
Explaining his wife was gearing up to go on an interstate business trip the following week, Seamus started putting the pieces together quickly.
RELATED: ‘My ex is “micro-cheating” on his new partner… with me’The wife had been having a secret affair for 18 months. (Getty Images/iStockphoto)
Not wanting to let her know what he had seen, Seamus told her he was “getting info about the IP and router” linked to the fan on her phone.
Then, after his wife went to bed, he went to his laptop, where his wife was still signed into Facebook, and began to do some digging.
RELATED: ‘I’m still in love with the man I had an affair with’
“I’ve been up all night reading her chats,” he confessed, adding that he also accessed her texts.
“There are at least 15,000 that date back to February of last year; messages, memes, flirty pics and some x-rated ones too.”
Revealing the messages stopped three months ago, Seamus assumed his wife must have moved her affair to Snapchat, as the app was “more discreet”.
He was right; he was able to access his wife’s Snapchat profile and discovered that just a few nights prior he had been lying in bed with his wife while she was sending dirty messages to another man right beside him.
“I desperately want this to be a bad dream. She’s said terrible things about me. She’s told him my insecurities. She’s told him ‘I love you’,” Seamus revealed.
“She’s literally throwing away our life for this. She knows cheating is an absolute deal breaker for me.”
“She’s literally throwing away our life for this.”
What’s worse, Seamus discovered the “other man” was his wife’s younger co-worker who had a spouse and three children of his own.
At a loss for what to do, Seamus considered confronting his wife or the other man, but instead called a divorce lawyer to set up a meeting.
In a later update, he revealed the lawyer talked him out of a dramatic confrontation with his wife or following her to the hotel where she was meeting her affair partner – both things Seamus had considered.The wife had been having an affair with her younger coworker, who had a family of his own. (Getty Images/iStockphoto)
Instead, he waited for her to come home and told her he knew about the affair and was filing for divorce, at which point his wife “cried and pleaded that she could explain”, but she couldn’t.
Though his wife tried to make excuses for her “mistake”, Seamus said he was done with their marriage after her betrayal.
RELATED: ‘Why I regret taking my husband back after he had an affair’
The dramatic story had Reddit users horrified, with hundreds of people flooding the comments with messages of support and advice for the devastated husband.
Many advised him to cut contact with his soon-to-be-ex-wife outside of legal meetings and others told him to kick her out of the home they shared.The man said he would be divorcing his wife after she ‘threw away’ their marriage. (Getty Images/iStockphoto)
Several suggested he also reveal the affair to the wife of the “other man”, or tell their family and friends his wife’s infidelity was the reason the marriage would be ending.
But the overwhelming response to the situation was blunt, and could be summed up in one user’s comment: “Your wife is the worst.”
Married Woman Seeks Affair | Humans
The shit thing about being married to a nice guy is everyone likes him and everyone thinks you’re a bitch. My husband is nice. My husband is so nice, every time someone meets him they love him, he has a plethora of friends and comes across as a perfectly normal lovely person. Little do people know he actually is a dick and hates everyone but that’s another story for another time.
Anyway, when I got sacked from my full time job and stormed home crying and deciding now was the time I was going to start studying full time, leaving us financially stretched, of course, my nice guy husband was perfectly nice about it. He was supportive and caring and encouraging and just… I’m not going to say it again because you can guess. He’s an angel, he’s perfect and should be up for an award and I’m selfish and a lazy layabout. So anyway, I started studying. I went to college and I came home moaning about how old I was compared to my classmates and I complained about the long assignments and my frustration that I was never going to achieve what I ultimately wanted. He sympathised and understood but I felt sort of isolated. I felt like a student because I was and I felt like, because he was financially supporting me, there was a barrier between us. He had his work friends and real adults around him everyday then he had to come home to his moaning student wife.
Then a weird thing happened. I met this guy. He was a lazy layabout that drank too much and that no one really liked and was weird. He wasn’t a student — just a layabout. He wanted to be a student though so I encouraged him and he went to college, I had a friend! My husband liked him because they both love wrestling and video games and I had someone to moan to about that stuff and go to student nights and drink with, and it was great. There was one problem, though, which is that that guy had a penis. Not such a problem to me or to my husband, but it was to, apparently, everyone else in the world. What I came to find was that if you were married you couldn’t be in the same room as another penis without wanting to interact with it.
We got comments and judgement when my friend moved in with us to our spare room. He was, like me, a broke student, so living with us saved him from renting his own place — we had the room, we all got on, it was fine. With us.
This past year, though… college courses, as they so often do… end. And the culmination of our college course was me and my friend going to university. Through a serious of misfortunate events, we both ended up at a really great university at a picturesque location which we love, but… it’s like a three hour train ride from our house, and costed a fortune to travel. So we decided to move to a flat near uni for the purposes of study. Not sex.
So, after some frantic flat searching and spending all our money on it, we ended up in a flat near uni. My husband kept living in our home; I would be living in a little seedy, sordid love nest with another man. That’s the story you’ll get about us, anyway.
The real story is I’m a twenty eight year old woman. I’ve been married for four years and with my husband for thirteen years. We’ve been through ups and downs and we’re still together. We don’t want to live separately and it sucks, but I’m determined that I will do something nice for my husband and get my degree and get a career for us to have a good life. I’m not thinking about an affair or sex or anything remotely in that area. I’m thinking about essays and how to eat as cheaply as I can to save money. You’d think in 2017 people would be a bit more open-minded and understanding but I guess I’m just spoiled because… my husband is really nice.90,000 When you have an affair with a married woman | Psychologist Solovyova Larisa
Love triangles are different. But they always arise for one reason. When there is no satisfaction in the relationship.
And a man can have a relationship with a married woman.
If a married woman is looking for a relationship on the side, it means that she does not receive something important for in a relationship with her husband. Anything she picks up romance and love, or there is no emotional closeness, or her husband is not able to satisfy her in bed.
Not being able to get what she needs in the family, a woman wants to get it from another man.
Married women are interesting. They perfectly understand how to please a man. They know how to show care and warmth, they know how to emphasize the advantages of their appearance, they are sexually uninhibited.
Passion for a married woman can flare up unexpectedly and completely engulf you.
You will really be good together.
Your relationship will always revolve around sex.
You will think about past meetings and dream about future ones.
But meetings will take place only when it is convenient for her.https://www.badfon.ru
You will always see a wedding ring on her finger and understand that it does not belong to you completely.
You will have a small place in her life.
There will always be lies between you.
You will be tormented by jealousy for her husband, who has all rights to her and with whom she is not ready to part.Because a lot connects them. Finances, housing, children, past and future plans. The woman is not ready to destroy all this.
When a woman realizes that the relationship in the family has completely failed, she files for divorce.
But if she is in no hurry with the divorce, then the marriage suits her in many ways. Almost satisfied. With her lover, she fills the voids that her husband cannot fill. And then she realizes that living in a defective marriage is quite tolerable. After all, everything that she does not receive with her husband, she will make up with her lover.
And by the way, there is always a chance that the husband will find out about his wife’s betrayal and decide to talk to you seriously.
While you are in love with a married woman, you are not interested in other women. You are missing out on an opportunity to build a long-term relationship with a free girl.
And one more thing. At any time, a married woman can break up your romance. And there is nothing you can do. Because you have no right to it. And you just have to lick your wounds.
It’s up to you to decide whether you want to continue your relationship with someone else’s wife.
A woman in such a situation is a fairy with two magic wands, which she manipulates.Tries to sit on two chairs. At the same time, she understands that this situation will not last long.
In order not to be manipulated, you need to clearly understand what you want from this relationship and understand what you want in the future.
But if you decide to break off this relationship, you will have to make great efforts. Emotional connections are not easy to cut off.
Therefore, it is necessary to end any relationship, any communication with your former lover, to make her firmly understand that you have decided to put an end to it.
You will need time to recover and start living with a blank page.
© Psychologist Solovieva Larisa Alexandrovna
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7 nuances in relationships with married women • Growth Phase
One cannot speak about love unambiguously or adjust it to standards.Everyone has their own understanding of this feeling.
Still, there are situations in which close relationships are undesirable, unpleasant, or an emotional burden.
When entering into a relationship with a married woman, not every representative of the stronger sex understands what awaits him.
What began romantically and beautifully over time becomes overgrown with unpleasant sensations – jealousy, pangs of conscience and the need to hide from everyone.
In order to avoid trouble, it is better to build relationships only with free representatives of the beautiful half of humanity.
And yet, everything happens in life, so it’s time to remember the proverb: “Forewarned is forearmed.”
If an affair with a married girl seems inevitable, it is helpful to know what to prepare for.
A few words about self-assessment
Any representative of the stronger sex is flattered when a married woman pays attention to him. This can be attributed to the competitive spirit that all men have.
If a lady, despite the presence of a close man, drew attention to you, it will amuse pride.
Relationships with a married woman fuel their own ego and build self-confidence. You can, on occasion, boast of love successes in front of friends or colleagues.
For example, an affair at work with a married woman will bring more trouble and trouble than positive.
You will have to carefully hide from employees and bosses, weigh literally every step or word so as not to accidentally give yourself away.
Pleasing their own pride and self-esteem, many guys forget about the “other side of the coin”.Married ladies very often have an affair on the side simply in order to compare a spouse with another man, or simply to have fun.
This state of affairs is very unpleasant. To play the role of entertainment or a model for comparison is demeaning.
Before conquering a married woman, you need to accept that such a relationship will not be permanent. The novel will last a month, a year, or several years, but most likely it will not fall into the “forever” category.
Nothing is more permanent than temporary. In a relationship with a married woman, you will have to live for today and not think about the future.
If you remember why ladies start romances on the side, it becomes clear the whole futility of such a relationship.
Women rarely leave a family, even one that is far from ideal. Some are looking for entertainment, others make up for what they receive less in communication or in bed with their husband.
At the same time, most women clearly understand that their romance is a temporary whim.Therefore, their intrigues end in parting, and not in a new marriage.
Sooner or later, love for a married woman will become a burden for her, and for you – a source of mental suffering.
The fairer sex have romances when a crisis occurs in their relationship with their husbands.
The psychology of women is such that as soon as the black streak passes, she begins to look for a way to get rid of a boring and already unnecessary lover.
Before conquering a married woman, you need to honestly answer yourself: are you ready to fear publicity all the time? Hiding and playing a double game is a lot of stress.
It is only in films that the main characters manage to masterfully lead others by the nose; in life, they are much more likely to be punctured in something.
As soon as the affair becomes known to others, troubles are inevitable. The righteous anger of the deceived spouse will fall on both of you with incredible force.
If you are having an affair at work with a married woman, judging colleagues is the least of the troubles. In many organizations, intimacy between employees is prohibited by corporate ethics.
When information about you reaches your superiors – expect trouble. You may not be fired, but they will definitely demote you or be transferred to another department, away from the object of your forbidden passion.
The relationship with a woman with a family must be hidden from friends and relatives. They will most likely condemn your love for a married woman.
You will have to hide from everyone and be afraid of every passer-by on the street – what if this is your acquaintance? Further, thanks to gossip, a chain reaction will occur – the rest of the people around you will become aware of your relationship.
It is extremely rare that the prospect of a relationship is seen on the first date. It so happens that a light affair over time develops into something more serious and long-term.
An affair with a married lady is no exception. In the process of a forbidden relationship with a man, a woman may want to start a family with him.
She will leave her husband, file for divorce and wait for your actions. Answer yourself to the question: are you ready for this turn of events?
Before you get close to a woman with a family, you need to think over different options for the development of events, not excluding the transformation of an easy romance into a serious relationship.
Another aspect that should not be overlooked is children. If your chosen one has a child, when creating a new family, she will expect you to take part in the upbringing of your now son or daughter.
Do not forget that the child has a father who will not disappear after the divorce, but will still remain an important person. It will be difficult for both him and the newly-made spouses.
A woman may want to have a common child, or it happens that she becomes pregnant during your affair.It is a tremendous motivation to leave your family and create new relationships with you.
If the love for a married woman is sincere and strong, you will be pleased with the prospect of a joint future. Starting a relationship just out of a desire to have fun can get you overwhelmed, and the consequences become more than unpleasant.
Finance. How can it be without them?
Money is not the most important thing in life, but it is they that make it possible to accomplish many tasks.
Giving your beloved woman a bouquet of flowers or a gold ring from a new collection of a well-known manufacturer, arranging a date or just having dinner at a restaurant – all this requires funds.
In a relationship with a married woman, the lover competes with her husband all the time. If the family budget of the chosen one is modest, it is not difficult to impress her. An ordinary bouquet of roses will cause indescribable delight.
But if the husband of the mistress is a wealthy person, it will not be easy to surpass his gifts. The bouquets should be huge, and the restaurants should be expensive and as prestigious as possible.
In this case, only creativity and romance can save, which will allow even the most modest bouquet to be presented as something wonderful and incredible.But will you last long?
When choosing gifts, you will have to take into account their visibility and ambiguity. Flowers can still be attributed to corporate greetings, but the appearance of a new gold chain or even a set of underwear cannot be plausibly explained.
Elements of conspiracy will haunt you everywhere, even in such cute and romantic things as choosing a gift.
Spending time together
One of the most difficult things is that love for a married woman has to not only be hidden from others, but also shown only when the chosen one has time for this.
Be prepared for the fact that on weekends you will wait for her from family picnics at the dacha, going on a visit or even a secluded vacation with your husband.
You, as a lover, will have to accept and adapt to the plans of her family. This becomes especially problematic when preparing surprises.
Would you like to surprise her with a surprise Sunday picnic by the starlight? What a pity, but the mistress will have to refuse – the husband has returned from a trip and he needs to cook dinner.
And so every time. Any surprise will always have a chance of complete failure due to the inability to predict the actions of your beloved’s spouse or children.
Too many emotions
Love is a source of many positive emotions, but besides happy moments, an affair with a married woman also has negative sides.
You can start with pangs of conscience and thinking about what people will think. Public opinion always plays an important role in life.
The fear of disclosing relationships outside the family will also torment your chosen one, giving her a lot of negative emotions, for example, a sense of guilt for cheating on her husband.
Even if her family relationship is far from ideal, she will still consider that she is acting meanly, cheating on her spouse.
The need to hide all the time will turn into a serious source of stress over time. Women are more emotional than men, so your significant other will suffer much more.
Get ready for the fact that at times you will have to talk about how to proceed or convince your loved one that your relationship has some meaning.
While calming the conscience of the beloved, at the same time you will have to struggle with your negative thoughts (especially when the man is also married).
If the mistress sees doubt, she will become even more convinced that this relationship is wrong, and you are committing a real crime with her.
You are unlikely to be able to tell your heart not to love and to forbid yourself any feelings. Reasonable arguments do not work when it comes to love, and therefore an affair with a married woman is possible even if its correctness is denied.
But do not rush to give up, try to think over all the reasons to be together, think over the positive and negative sides of the future affair. Do this now that you are not completely immersed in love and relationships.
And it would be good to start to understand yourself. Understand: is this love or just a hobby, backed up by mutual sympathy?
Finally – think about yourself! Do you want to play supporting roles? Maybe it’s better not to develop mutual sympathy, but to avoid an affair with a married woman?
A deliberate and timely decision will prevent troubles and a sea of negative consequences that are inevitable during a relationship with a married lover.90,000 7 ways to get out of the love triangle ⇒ Blog of Yaroslav Samoilov Sometimes it happens that a free, successful man who is popular with women suddenly falls in love with a married woman. A feeling, like a sudden flash, overtakes him, and now the whole world is enclosed in her one look, despite the fact that the beloved is not free.Let’s talk today about how to behave in this situation and why it still happens.
From this article you will learn:
- Why do men fall in love with married married
- What if you fell in love while married
It sometimes happens that a free, successful man who is popular with women suddenly falls in love with a married woman.A feeling, like a sudden flash, overtakes him, and now the whole world is enclosed in her one look, despite the fact that the beloved is not free. Let’s talk today about how to behave in this situation and why it still happens.
Why does a man love a married woman
It is not difficult to understand what drives men. A hunter by nature, having experienced sympathy, can no longer stop. Even if a man suffers from love for a married woman, he begins to look for advantages in the current situation and, of course, finds them.
Complete absence of any obligations, no remorse due to the inability to marry the object of your passion, freedom of action. What else does a womanizer want? Rare, pleasant meetings, and now the chosen one herself is in a hurry on business. Domestic life, caring for her husband and children, obligations to relatives do not leave a woman time for unnecessary reproaches and whims.
A man’s love for a married woman is quite “beneficial” financially. Even if you want to give her the whole world and buy up all the flowers in the world, a married woman will most likely refuse an expensive present herself in order to keep the peace in her family.If you do not live in the capital, where you can still get lost, but in a small town, then from the list of expenses you can safely cross out dinners in expensive restaurants, attending theatrical premieres and concerts of pop stars. Fearing to be recognized, the couple will choose a hotel for secluded meetings somewhere on the periphery, which means that it will cost less.
Men seem to be more or less sorted out. But what pushes a married woman, mother and mistress of the house to have a lover? Psychologists note that the reason lies in the fact that the spouses have moved away from each other over the years, trust has disappeared, and the extremely rare intimacy does not bring pleasure to both.
The desire to feel needed, the opportunity to be childishly spontaneous, to experience youthful excitement again, push the woman into the arms of a stranger. He may be less successful than her husband, not so smart and beautiful, but it is with a lover that a woman receives affection, attention, admiration for herself – all that she so lacks in marriage.
5 signs that a man is in love with you
- You will hardly see a married man declare his love for a married woman.A man in love will try to look deliberately indifferent. However, his ostentatious calmness will necessarily accompany the sparkle and interest in the eyes, awkward compliments inappropriately, fuss in movements. A man in love, especially on a first date, will nervously shift from foot to foot, fiddle with something in his hands, look away, trying not to look into the eyes. Do not be joking about this, let him relax and become himself. Do not help a man cultivate a complex of weakness, since nature itself is prescribed to him to be strong.By the way, men in love are mistaken, believing that they are showing, from their point of view, weakness. Psychologists have long proved that in a state of love, a man is much stronger emotionally, on such days they are more successful in negotiating, concluding profitable deals, signing successful contracts.
- A man in love changes his style of speech. The joker and joker becomes silent and brooding, and vice versa. There are also those who begin to speak very slowly, with an arrangement, as if pondering each word.
- A man’s love for a married woman gives rise to insomnia! Reddened eyes, shaking hands and the third cup of coffee in the past half hour – these are sure signs that at night he was pondering the situation, trying to understand himself. Although a story about an incendiary party in a nightclub or men’s gatherings, for example, in a bathhouse, will be invented for you. Of course, you will hear about the sufficient quantities of alcohol drunk and the long-legged blondes accompanying it. Pretend to believe, let him be cocky and free.At least in your eyes.
- Being in society, a man in love will try to become the soul of the company and win the attention of others. He’ll tell bearded jokes, try to be the star of the dance floor, or wow everyone at karaoke. If you understand that he is doing all this only for your sake, try to support him, smooth out the awkwardness of the situation.
- A man in love becomes very absent-minded and awkward, gesticulating, he can throw a glass of wine on you, step on your foot, not hold the front door, or hand you a coat.This is fine! Imagine yourself in his place. Your behavior during the period of acute love is not much different, just an experienced woman knows how to disguise her inconsistency with coquetry, and explain forgetfulness by a woman’s nature.
These are perhaps the most striking signs of a man’s love for a married woman.
Love triangle: he is free, she is married
For some reason, it is generally accepted that the cause of love triangles lies in male polygamy. But facts are stubborn things, and they say quite the opposite: much more often women are the initiators of adultery.They are driven either by a really big real feeling, or by the desire to take revenge on her husband and make him jealous. But in each individual case, there is a reason. There is only one thing in common: if a woman decides to commit adultery, it means that not everything is going smoothly in her family.
Let’s not focus on why men cheat. Here everything is more or less clear: desire will assert itself, the need for novelty and a variety of sensations, sympathy and love, finally. Many men distinguish between family and relationships outside of it, not counting sex on the side of betrayal, and therefore return home without remorse.There are times when a man suffers from love for a married woman, but does not even try to change anything in the relationship that has arisen.
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With female psychology, everything is more complicated. They will not assert themselves, collecting connections on the side and flaunting it. They will not fall into the bed of the first comer just because they were overtaken by an irresistible desire to surrender to this particular man.
So what motivates a woman who risks her family well-being, and sometimes even exposes herself to danger (unfortunately, there are often cases when deceived husbands use assault) to change her spouse? The reasons are different, but we will try to consider the most typical.
- Tense relations with husband
A tense situation in the family, when the husband is indifferent or, on the contrary, picky about his wife, is rude to her, tries to humiliate her at any opportunity, or even opens her hands altogether, contributes to the fact that the woman is intuitive will seek solace on the side. She will prefer closeness with a man who will be affectionate, will be able to understand, encourage and calm.
- Lack of attention from the spouse
If a man is too busy building a career or devotes all his free time to his hobbies, he has almost no time for his family.Discord from this is inevitable, even in a successful first pair. A man mistakenly believes that since he has provided his wife and children with a decent life, it is not at all necessary to demand attention from him. Coldness and indifference of a loved one greatly lowers a woman’s self-esteem, can provoke deep depression. It is not surprising that in such a situation a woman will plunge into a relationship with a man who will show attention to her, give her vivid emotions, and be affectionate in intimate relationships.
- Wanting revenge on your husband for cheating
Cheating out of revenge is not the best way to raise your own self-esteem.Resentment pushes a woman to a rash act, which can later lead to the breakup of the family. Having taken revenge in this way with a casual partner, very often a woman begins to look for a permanent lover for herself. An offended husband, who does not consider his betrayal to be something unnatural, most likely will not be ready to forgive his spouse. The crack that has arisen in the relationship threatens to grow to the size of a universal catastrophe, when both spouses, tired of constant lies, simply part.
- Sexual dissatisfaction
Rare intimacy, refusal to accept and understand the spouse’s wishes in bed, affection, which has long become a habit and is performed automatically, can seriously injure a woman.All her attempts to bring an additional romantic into the relationship – erotic lingerie, candlelight dinner, light music and pleasant aromas – meet a blank wall of misunderstanding. A healthy woman who wants full sex is likely to seek and find it on the side with a man who is ready to please her.
- Emotional indifference
A man can sincerely love his other half, but after several years of marriage he becomes stingy with feelings, rarely compliments or praises his wife.A woman begins to think that she has become uninteresting, withdraws into herself, perceives marriage as a series of endless household duties. Of course, subconsciously, she will strive to become better and desirable for someone again, to diversify her life with emotional outbursts.
- Searching for new love
Love is a bright firework that illuminates everything around with bright light and gives a constant holiday! The ideal of love relationships, invented in early youth, makes a woman look for a new object for her feelings, if, in her opinion, family life has become gray and insipid.Often such women become the next victim of an experienced womanizer who is ready to pour oil into the ears of a new partner. As soon as such a gentleman gets what he needed (money, a new position, status acquaintances, etc.), he immediately disappears from the life of his passion, leaving her with a broken heart.
Pros and cons of the relationship between a married man and a married woman
Relationship with a single lover most often brings a woman a lot of problems. Wanting to escape from everyday routine, reproaches, misunderstandings, she may come under pressure from her chosen one, who does not want to share her with her legal spouse.The lover can set conditions, use threats of exposure, or even go himself to clarify the relationship with her husband. The ending of such a relationship is always unpredictable and unpleasant.
Love between a married woman and a married man develops in a completely different way. Partners treat each other’s families with understanding and respect, not wanting to destroy their usual nests.
Single men prefer a relationship where a woman is ready to satisfy his sexual desires on demand.His married mistress does not always have free time, first of all, solving the problems of her family. Therefore, such a relationship is usually fleeting, the bachelor will try to find someone else for himself or will constantly change partners.
Sometimes it happens that a man is dating several women at the same time. Imagine what blow his mistress will experience, who went to deceive a loved one, and in return received betrayal from her lover.
The love of a married man for a married woman is not subject to such cataclysms.A married lover who, just like you, is looking for variety or consolation on the side, will most often build a long-term relationship with one woman.
When communicating with a married lover, you can not be afraid that he will watch you around the house, spontaneously call or write SMS, persistently offer to spend weekends or vacations together, give unplanned gifts and bouquets of flowers. In a casual meeting, a married lover will behave appropriately so as not to harm your reputation.
Parting of a married woman and a married man usually occurs without unnecessary drama and tantrums. Many, for example, work colleagues even manage to maintain friendly warm relations.
Love between a married woman and a married man is a kind of alliance with the same rules of conduct for both.
Trouble can lie in wait for especially sensual young ladies who want to fall in love with a married partner without memory. By idealizing her chosen one, drawing a new life for herself, a woman can begin to demand that her lover divorce his wife, destroy her family.At the same time, she will not even ask if her lover needs all this. Usually such a relationship ends with the fact that a man tries to minimize all communication with an overly loving partner, and on occasion simply disappear from her life.
Yes, you can now object and talk about the novels of non-free people that ended in marriage. But there are very few of them. Usually, however, the romantic flair persists precisely until the threshold when it is necessary to hide and hide your relationship from strangers.Even if both lovers get divorced, they do not always create families with each other. Shortcomings that initially seemed cute appear, demands arise that give rise to reproaches, feelings disappear. Lovers simply part, replenishing the army of free men and women.
7 tips on what to do if you are married and fall in love with another
In no case should you take them as a dogma, but still take them on board, because no one is immune from a sudden outbreak of feelings.So, how to behave:
- Take a break Just annoyance – take a break. Try to be alone for a while if possible. If it is impossible to go on vacation, live as a hermit in the country, rent a hotel room for a couple of days, turn off your phone, do not go to social networks. Try to weigh the pros and cons, and think about what you are losing and gaining. Trust your intuition.
- Listen to yourself What attracts you to a lover? Passionate kisses, dizzying sex, his attention and caresses? Think about how your spouse behaved at the beginning of your relationship.Why did you choose it? Answer yourself honestly if your fault is in the coldness of the family. Do you need a new romance if you and your husband are connected by feelings of inner unity and only with him do you feel safe?
- Revealing the Truth or Be silent? Cheated husbands and wives become hostages of love triangles. Save the nervous system, refrain from hints. Reveal the truth only when you finally decide to leave. When talking, try to explain everything calmly and confidently, be tactful, thank your spouse for the years you have lived together, do not offend him.Part good friends, especially if you have children together.
- The fleeting “I can’t live” and “I can’t breathe” are not at all a reason to destroy the family. The glamor usually dissipates, but the mistake will be impossible to correct. Love between a married woman and a married man is most often doomed from the start.
- Try not to miss the moment when the lover wants to establish total control over you. At first, it seems that SMS every half hour and small calls during the day are a manifestation of care and attention.They are usually followed by scenes of jealousy and scandals. Do you need all this?
- Leaving, leave Having made the decision to break the connection, do not stop and leave. It’s the same with my husband: a divorce means a divorce. Otherwise, you will simply be mired in deception and torment yourself with innuendo. But always remember that you made the decision yourself, and if something does not go as planned, you will have only yourself to blame.
- Double play is hard Try not to show your family the signs of falling in love.Be attentive to the feelings of loved ones, reveal the truth only when you are completely sure that you have met your true love. Do not demand that family members share your joy with you, do not offend them with your inattention after the breakup. Do not sever ties with your past, because these were probably not the worst years in your life.
Thank you for reading this article to the end
Hi, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy halves, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
Most of all, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!
7 books about female infidelity
Text: Elena Dolgikh / Revizor.ru
Photo: Kai Carpenter
The love triangle is one of the most frequent themes in world literature.And the situation in which the two “vertices” of this triangle are already linked by marriage is one of the most exciting “configurations” for him. This is unambiguously evidenced by the competition of a short romantic story “Lady with a Dog”, which we conducted in the summer. But the topic of betrayal is by no means limited to a short-term resort romance. As well as their reflections in the literature.
Here are some samples.
The most famous novel
“Anna Karenina” Leo Tolstoy
Who does not know the story of Anna Karenina, who threw herself under the train out of despair and a desire to take revenge out of jealousy on her beloved Vronsky: “ I will punish him.”
Her name is used as a common noun in two cases: if someone decided to joke that he threw himself under the train: “ There is also a book about Anna, don’t read it at night. From life so unlucky, she got run over by a tram. ” And of course, in the second, when it comes to cheating and unfaithful wives. And even somehow it is customary not to love the heroine, to condemn her for choosing a young lover and leaving her son.
Tolstoy conceived a type of married woman from high society who cheated on her husband and lost herself.He said that his task was to make this woman only pathetic, but not guilty. There were about 10 versions of the novel, and in the very first, where the characters had different names, the ending was completely different. The heroine’s husband gives her a divorce, the heroes get married, they have two children. It is not “Anna” who commits suicide, but “Karenin” – he shoots himself, his body is found in the Neva.
Most Realistic Novel
“Madame Bovary” by Gustave Flaubert
The story of Emma Bovary, a romantic person languishing from a bourgeois life with an unloved husband in a remote province, dreaming of a fatal love in luxury, gladly cheating on her husband, “like in novels”, has a real prototype and an almost identical story.Young Delphine Delamare, like Emma, married a young doctor-widower who was fascinated by her. Dolphin’s romantic nature could not bear the boredom of provincial philistine life. She began to spend her husband’s money on expensive outfits, and then cheat on him with numerous lovers. After, entangled in debt and losing attention from men, she committed suicide. Her husband, unable to bear her death and the revealed infidelities, like Charles, died a year later. The writer takes this story, realizing that provincial adultery is an excellent theme for the novel, with the help of which he can express the passions that rage his soul.
The most romantic novel
Somerset Maugham’s “Patterned Cover”
A book in which, like the lightest threads of a veil, words are intertwined. Each dialogue is filled with charm, pain, love and beauty, and later rebirth. Kitty is a frivolous spoiled coquette. Fans are circling around her, but her choice falls on the taciturn bacteriologist Walter. They are completely different people, but this did not stop Kitty from answering him “yes” and insisting on an early wedding.Because she’s a 25-year-old almost spinster can’t get married later than a 17-year-old engaged sister. And it is better to live with a stranger than to live with an oppressive mother for just one more minute. After the wedding, the young people leave for China. Kitty is bored with her husband. And Walter simply does not know how to interest, captivate a woman, how to tell her about his feelings. One day Kitty meets Townsend – the complete opposite of Walter. Gallant, noticeable, the soul of the company, you are not bored with him, you are attracted to him, you can know passion with him.They fall in love with such. And she fell in love. Cheating on her husband, Kitty takes pride. But her husband finds out and puts her before a choice: to stay with her lover or to go with him to the province, where the cholera epidemic reigns. What do you think the unfaithful wife chose?
Most Sensual Romance
“The Bridges of Madison County” by Robert James Waller
Professor Robert Waller wrote his only novel, The Bridges of Madison County, in 11 days. The writer did not plan to publish it, he just read the manuscript to his friends.In 1992, the novel was published, the book became a literary sensation: 90 weeks on the bestseller list, the first circulation was seven million copies. Italian Francesca is married to a farmer (good, but down to earth person) from the American wilderness, mother of two children. She lives a monotonous and boring life, afraid to admit it even to herself. This was not what she dreamed about in her youth, when she lived in Naples, dreamed of adventure and sincere ardent love. One evening, when her husband and children have gone to the fair for a few days, a truck pulls up to her house.This is a lone wolf – photographer Robert, he stopped to find out the way. It so happened that they passionately and without looking back fell in love with each other. For this love, which they both longed for, they were given only 4 days – the happiest in their life.
The most scandalous novel
Lady Chatterley’s Lover by David Lawrence
A scandalous book written during the Puritan post-Victorian era. The circulation of the novel was seized, burned and banned in various countries until 1960 “due to the abundance of scenes of a sexual nature.”In battle, Sir Clifford Chatterley was wounded. His lower body is paralyzed: sexual relations with a beautiful young wife are impossible. Connie loves her husband and remains faithful to him, although married life for her was reduced only to joint meals, endless conversations, reading aloud and loneliness in bed. Sir Clifford invites his wife to find a lover. And even agrees to give the child his name and title if Constance becomes pregnant. She refuses until she meets the huntsman who looks after the estate while walking in the forest.
Connie, practically with the permission of her husband, becomes Oliver’s mistress, indulging in exquisite sexual experiments with him. If you were Lady Chatterley, how would you handle such a proposal from your husband?
The Most Poetic Novel
“The English Patient” Michael Ondaatje
Some critics have written that this Booker-winning novel is hundreds of pages of pure magic. And so it is. I want to read this book in silence, aloud, dying, forgetting about everything.At the end of the war in a mined Italian villa in Tuscany, the lives and fates of the heroes are intertwined. A Sikh sapper, a turned-over thief with disfigured hands, a young nurse and her patient, dying and disfigured. After receiving terrible burns in a plane crash in the Sahara Desert, the unnamed “English patient” tells a beautiful and very complex love story with a married woman – the wife of a friend against the backdrop of war and geopolitical intrigue.
The Forgotten Waltz Anne Enright
Ann Enright writes about the drama of everyday life, about the volatility of relationships between people, about adultery and brings it to the height of a Greek tragedy.Where does an empty affair end and a real attraction begin? When does empathy turn into compassion?
Gina is madly in love with her husband. He is cheerful, gentle, and seems to her the perfect man. But at a party, she one day notices a married man who remains somewhere on the edge of her consciousness. Three years later, Gina meets him again, she almost forgot about the first meeting, but passion flares up between them. And we see all this through the eyes of Evie, the sick daughter of the very man whom Gina fell in love with.
“Our wives – the feathers are charged”
Wives of writers intrigued viewers.
Writer Wives90,000 99 reasons why women need lovers THIS IS STRANGE STATS
– What are the three words that a man hates the most during sex?
– Have you finished yet?
– What are the three words a woman hates the most during sex?
– Honey, I’m already at home!
Until recently, anonymous questionnaires were popular among psychologists and sociologists.Their data is still wandering from one book on popular psychology to another: the number of sexual partners during the life of men is 5-6 times greater than that of women. You don’t have to be a great mathematician to calculate that then the female population of the planet should also exceed the male population by 5-6 times. In fact, the number of people of both sexes is about the same, and in peacetime there are even more men. So what’s the deal? It’s simple. The fact is that women tend to underestimate the number of their partners, and men tend to exaggerate, so polls, even anonymous ones, cannot be trusted in the slightest.Practicing psychotherapists have long known about the unreliability of questionnaires. At the first reception, women are not frank enough and do not mention all of their connections. To hear the truth, you need to gain confidence, and this will require more than one meeting. Several years ago, large-scale genetic studies were carried out in Great Britain on the material of five thousand married English women aged 30-40 years. And then it turned out that about 11% of their children do not belong to their legal fathers, and in most cases the mothers did not even know about it.The study led to more than two hundred divorces, and thousands of British and Americans took their offspring for genetic testing. The new results only confirmed those already obtained. Some mothers agreed to the study by induction into a hypnotic state. And then it turned out that these children are from single relationships without any feelings and continuation. Women cheated with colleagues at work, old friends and just casual acquaintances, and after a couple of weeks they forgot about it. But there were also deeper reasons for marital infidelity and long-term emotional relationships.It used to be thought that only 20 & # 8211; 25% of married women have outside relationships. Modern research has completely refuted this statistic. In large cities, about 40% of married women have regular lovers, and this number is constantly increasing. And how many women have casual relationships at least once? There are no such statistics. But it can be assumed that almost 100%.A LITTLE ABOUT PSYCHOTYPES
The wife is in bed with her lover, and then the husband enters. How do women react?
– John, I hope you won’t stop me from doing my small business?
The German woman looks at her watch and says reproachfully:
– Hans, you came a full three minutes earlier.
A Frenchwoman pushes her lover in the side:
– Oh, Pierre, move over, the three of us will be more fun!
The Russian falls to her knees and shouts heart-rendingly:
– Petya, dear, just not in the face, I have to work tomorrow!
– Taras, tse ti? And what about? Oh, I’m so bloody, so bloody …
How much is a woman prone to cheating? This is largely determined by her psychological type, which is easy to define. There are six main psychotypes: hyperthymic, hysteroid, impulsive, epileptoid, schizoid and psychasthenic.They are also called “personal accentuations”. So, let’s start by defining your psychological type. Read the test questions carefully and mark the option that works best for you. Better one. If you cannot choose between options, check a few, but no more than three. Do not try to bend your heart, otherwise the test results will be questionable.Test
1. You have come to the hairdresser. You had your hair done, you looked at yourself in the mirror and were horrified. What is your reaction?
A.Go home quickly, wash your hair and try to build something more decent on your own.
B. Begin to lament loudly about this and call those present as witnesses.
V. You will be indignant, possibly with the use of obscene language, and threaten with retaliation.
G. You will try to bargain for the right not to pay.
D. What a trifle! Is it worth it to be upset for this?
E. Look at yourself in the mirror again. Or maybe nothing? Some other image …
2.Your husband invites you to seriously change your life (quit your job, move to another country, have a baby), but you disagree with him. What do you say?
A. No way! I have huge plans, I cannot refuse them.
B. Can I be in society at the same time?
V. Fuck you!
G. Scrupulously calculate all the financial and career complications, show him the bill and add that this is why you disagree.
E. Try to explain that you like your life, and will drag on until the last moment.
E. Think about it: maybe he is right? What if it really will be better?
3. What kind of footwear do you prefer?
A. Fashionable but comfortable.
B. Graceful, edgy, showy, catchy.
V. Sports – sneakers, trainers, military boots.
G. Solid, better known company.
D. To be honest, I don’t understand anything about it. I wear what is accepted.
E. Convenient and familiar.
4. You have a wedding anniversary. How would you like to celebrate it?
A.Invite your friends and have a lot of fun.
B. Luxurious dinner at the restaurant; bouquet and perfume from her husband are required.
Q. Let my husband surprise me.
G. To celebrate is unnecessary extravagance. Better let my husband give me something useful in the household.
D. Somehow unusual – to go to a concert of a group of drummers or to have a seance.
E. Tikho, in the family circle.
5. You walk into the kitchen and notice that there are brown spots on your fridge.What is your reaction?
A. I already have a lot to do. We ought to hire a housekeeper.
B. A woman, first of all, must take care of herself, and then only for the cleanliness of the apartment.
Q. Would you like to buy a new refrigerator?
G. Grab a rag and scrub right away until you achieve perfect whiteness.
D. Turn around and forget about it. Or decide to paint the refrigerator tomorrow.
E. For a long time you will torment yourself with the question: “Am I really such a bad housewife?”
6.Imagine that you are not on a budget and you are buying a house. Which one would you like?
A. Large and spacious, not far from the capital, always with guest rooms and a separate office for you.
B. Stylish and beautiful.
B. Mandatory with a court, pool and billiard room.
G. Sturdy and reliable, with all the comforts.
D. A cliff-top castle or villa on an uninhabited island in the Pacific Ocean.
E. Such as will suit her husband.
7. What do you like to read?
A.Social and political literature, books on management, economics, finance.
B. Fashion magazines, biographies of stars, love stories, books on popular psychology.
V. Militants, sports pages in newspapers and magazines.
G. Epic novels (with continuation), detective stories, historical novels.
D. Popular science literature, computer magazines, fantasy.
E. Books for children, descriptions of nature, books of useful advice.
8. You quarreled with your husband or boyfriend.The next morning you learn that he had an accident and is in the hospital. Your actions?
A. Immediately forgive him and rush to visit the hospital.
B. Try to prove to everyone that the quarrel has nothing to do with it, and join those who go to visit him.
V. And I have something to do with it ?!
G. It is my own fault. But it’s supposed to visit.
D. It’s a pity, but nothing can be fixed.
E. You will suffer and punish yourself, but you will not go to him – you will be too ashamed and embarrassed.
9.If nothing limited you (no money, no education, no experience and position, no lack of talent), what would you like to do in life?
A. Business, finance, journalism, work with many traveling, business trips, negotiations and business meetings.
B. You would like to be an actress, singer, designer, salesman, teacher, owner of a beauty salon or fashion boutique.
C. Work in the Ministry of Emergency Situations, in an ambulance, in a risky business, or some traditionally male occupation.
G. Any place that pays well and can be guided.
E. In science or art, where you can show originality and implement unusual ideas.
E. Anything where you need to reflect and analyze, but you do not need to make decisions.
10. You promised your child to go to the zoo with him and did not keep your promise. He whimpers and says that you deceived him. What is your answer?
A. Can’t help it, I have too much to do today. Here, take your paints and paint.
B.You can’t go anywhere, you have a runny nose!
V. If I did this, then it must be so. Go to your room.
G. My plans have changed, this is my parents’ business, and you have to obey.
D. But next Sunday we will go to the park to ride the rides.
E. I probably shouldn’t have promised it. Dad said that he had no time to go with us today, and I still need to cook dinner.
11. Your child’s teacher says that he is completely ill-mannered, and you are a bad mother.What is your reaction?
A. I’m not a bad mother, just too busy at work.
B. This, of course, is not true, but I seem to burn with shame.
V. It is not yet known what kind of mother you are!
y. The teacher must be in trouble and out of sorts.
E. I use modern progressive methods of upbringing, and my child decides for himself what to do in a given situation, and in this school they try to cut everyone with the same brush.
E. I will try to leave as soon as possible and not meet with this teacher again.
12. You return from the supermarket with heavy bags. An unknown young man offers help. What do you say, do or think?
A. Make a joke and gratefully accept your help. Before the entrance, you will entertain him with cheerful conversations.
B. “Oh! It’s impossible! They are overwhelming! ” – you will exclaim, and you will flirt with him all the way.
V. “Don’t meddle in your own business!”
G. Think: “I wonder what he wants from me?”
D.I may not even notice it if I am too focused on the fact that they must be conveyed without fail. E.
“Thank you, don’t worry. I can handle it myself. Besides, my husband will not like it if he sees that a stranger is helping me. ”
13. You were going on vacation abroad, but your husband’s car suddenly broke down and had to be urgently repaired. So there was only money left for Sochi. Your actions?
A. I will borrow the missing amount or take out a loan and still go abroad, but without my husband.
B. Instead of a trip to Sochi, I will buy myself an evening dress.
V. I will tell my husband everything I think about him: “If you don’t know how to handle equipment, don’t drive a car!”
G. We will save up the required amount for the next vacation and go where we planned.
D. Let’s go to the Volga and live on the shore in a tent.
E. Nothing, the main thing is that the husband is not nervous. And you can go abroad some other time.
14. Your friend did not invite you to her birthday. What do you think?
A.How she spun, poor! Well, nothing, good friends do not need an invitation. I’ll come and so.
B. Oh so ?! I will come without an invitation, and in the most luxurious dress – let him be jealous.
V. Well, she went! It hurts! After that, we are no longer friends!
G. I will remember and take into account, although I will not pretend that I am offended.
D. Maybe you should give her vitamins that improve memory?
E. Probably, I will continue to maintain relations with her, we have been friends for so many years … Maybe she will invite next year?
15.Let’s say you have a car. For you, this is …
A. It is convenient and pleasant. I love driving!
B. A beautiful toy that you can brag to your friends.
Q. I feel stronger in the car.
G. Indicator of my social status.
D. The woman behind the wheel is so beautiful and mysterious!
E. Means of delivery to the country and back. It’s too dangerous to drive in the city.
16. You are having a party. Dancing. Loud music. Neighbors come from below and begin to reproach you.What is your reaction?
A. Sorry for interrupting you. But look how much fun we have!
B. Open the door to show off your evening gown, smile radiantly and promise to end the party not too late.
V. I have volumes. I do what I want.
G. Sorry, but we have to celebrate the birthday (the defense of the diploma, the publication of the book, the wedding anniversary, etc.)
D. Are you our neighbors from below? Better stop by tomorrow.
E. Sorry, this will not happen again.Soon they will all disperse.
17. On Saturday at seven o’clock in the morning you will be woken up by a call. You hardly get up, pick up the phone, and it turns out that this person has a wrong number or is looking for a stranger by your number, or he needs some help. He is very sorry for disturbing you at a time like this. What is your reaction?
A. It’s okay, it’s good for me to get up early.
B. Well, why raise a person at dawn. I won’t sleep now …
V. You should have called at five in the morning! Hooligans!
G.Listen, before calling at a time like this, think carefully. And dial the phone correctly.
D. Yes, please call anytime. They say that if you interrupt sleep, you remember more dreams.
E. You know, let me call my husband to the phone. He will talk to you.
18. Imagine that you are an actress. The main role that you dreamed about was given not to you, but to your friend. What is your reaction?
A. Well, if it’s better for a movie, let’s try to work together.
B.She always knew how to present herself!
V. Here is an upstart!
yr. I’ll try to find out who her patron is, and get into his trust.
D. My game is too original. Not every director is able to appreciate it.
E. In general, everything is the same. Although it will be more difficult to communicate with her.
19. You are late for an important meeting, and your cell phone batteries are out of charge, so you cannot warn the waiting one. Your actions?
A. I’ll try to quickly find a pay phone.
B. I’ll ask someone who is nearby for a cell phone.
V. What bastards! We sold a defective phone. We need to make a scandal in the store!
G. It was necessary to read the instructions better. I guess I did something wrong with the phone. Now I have to apologize for being late.
D. Find the nearest Internet cafe and send a text message.
E. Why am I always so unlucky ?! Correctly the husband says that you need to be more careful.
20. You are sitting on the beach and suddenly discover that in front of you in the water a guy and a girl are making love quite openly.What do you think?
A. I haven’t tried that yet. We must take note.
B. Well done, guys!
V. I will look around with my eyes, with whom I could repeat their feat right now.
y. What a horror! Here are the shameless! Plus it’s unhygienic.
D. And how, I wonder, do they do it? It seems to me that this is not very convenient …
E. I would never have dared …
Filled in? Surely some letter appears more often in your answers. The dominant psychotype corresponds to it.But there are no pure types, so be sure to pay attention to those letters that occupy the second and third places. And remember, there are no good and bad types. We all have strengths and weaknesses.A. Hypertimic
Honey, I can’t find my tie! Where did you move the wardrobe again?
She is always at work, can sleep 5-6 hours a day and do several things at the same time. The boredom and monotony of family life are like death for her.He hates homework, like any monotonous and monotonous work. Therefore, the hostess is bad. Unless he would hire a servant. The only thing it can excel at is cooking, as it can be creative and diverse.
Likes to travel and communicate with people, so he often chooses the profession of a reporter, PR manager or insurance agent. With some hysteria (see below), she can become an outstanding actress.
If she does not have work and she is forced to stay at home, she will bring all relatives to rearrange furniture and permanent repairs, or will cheat right and left to her faithful.
Hypertensives of both sexes are prone to adultery, and women of this type usually enjoy great success with men, often even despite their unpresentable appearance. She loves everyone, is friends with everyone, always jokes and starts noisy parties and entertainment. A smile plays on her lips, and that alone makes her charming.
However, this psychotype also has disadvantages. Hypertensives are addictive, but fickle people. They tend to give up halfway through what they have begun if they are suddenly interested in something else (or someone else).They can promise and not do: “What? So I said it yesterday. And today I am already different! ”
In addition, many hypertensives are subject to sudden mood swings, sometimes independent of external circumstances. She just laughed – and suddenly she was crying. Maybe premenstrual syndrome is to blame, or maybe deep depression for several years. Moreover, depression is often filled with feverish and meaningless activities: eternal repairs, smashing dishes or betrayal with the first comer, without any feeling, just out of despair.In the depressive stage, the hyperthymic is no less prone to adultery than in the active stage (it is also called “manic”). So you can drink with joy, but you can also with grief.
Writer and screenwriter Sidney Sheldon has written an excellent autobiography, The Downside of Success, a life story of the typical hyperthymic. He could write a script overnight, or he could suddenly fall into despair and suddenly refuse a lucrative offer, considering himself unworthy.
Hypertimics have a huge social circle, and they consider everyone to be their friends and are sure that they have no enemies.Restrictions in communication are as unbearable for them as routine in the family or at work. And limiting relationships with the opposite sex to innocent friendship or flirting without continuation is just as dire.
If the hypertimic is correct, it means that he is either not a pure hypertimic, or is so busy at work that he (or she) has absolutely no time!
Conversation between two actresses: – Honey, you look so good today that I did not even recognize you!
According to psychologists, the “hysteroid” type arose in ancient times, at the dawn of human culture.Imagine a camp of primitive people. Rumor spreads that a herd of mammoths has been seen nearby. But mammoths appear here not only not every day, but not even every decade. The average life expectancy at that time was 25 years, so, perhaps, none of the young and strong hunters have any idea how to hunt mammoths. And now an ancient aksakal (over forty years old) comes forward, who still remembers the previous appearance of these animals. He not only knows how to hunt, but he knows how to show it in faces (because words are not enough).He turns into a mammoth, then into a hunter, then into the leader of the herd, then into the strongest of people. Young people listen and watch with bated breath. He is the first actor and first teacher. And – a typical hysteroid.
Women have to raise their children and also become their first teachers, so hysterics are traditionally encouraged in girls. So this psychotype is very common among the fair sex. It is from this that the well-known misconception arises that women are more emotional than men.Hysteroids are really emotional, but … not all women are hysterics.
For a hysteroid in life, appearance comes first. From one friend I once heard a phrase that struck me, which she said for granted: “Clothes are the most important thing!”
The hysteroid lives with feelings, and if they grow cold, he readily rushes into a new romance, because without emotional shocks he withers and withers. A hysterical woman is a born actress or teacher from God. It is important for her to be in public all the time, because she cannot live without human attention, she loves to be in the center of events.Therefore, hysterical women who did not enter the theater university and did not go to the teacher training, often become saleswomen or waitresses.
Hysteroids love bright colors: red, lemon, black and white combinations. They can be seen immediately by their extravagant and fashionable clothes and a lot of jewelry: baubles, hairpins, beads, rings and bracelets, which do not always match each other. They are simply striking. Businessmen who have no time to look for someone because of the workload of business often fall for such ladies.And then these gentlemen complain about female deceit. After all, hysterics are rarely true.
In addition, the cage, in which the “new Russians” often try to put their wife, is simply the end of the world for the hysteroid, even if it is golden. And the point is not that one cannot get out of her, but that no one sees a lady in her. Then the hysterical woman falls into depression and begins to self-actualize in a variety of ways – for example, she comes up with diseases for herself or her children in order to communicate with doctors. Or makes lovers.Hysteroids love to talk and know how to do it brightly and beautifully. But they are not always true. In the French film “My Dad is a Hero” with Depardieu in the title role, a fourteen-year-old girl told everyone that her dad was in prison, traveled to different countries … And in general, he is not her dad, but her lover. That greatly complicated the life of the hero Depardieu, whom those around him began to look at with disgust. The young dreamer barely got out of the net of her own lies.
The hysteroid lies as simply and directly as it breathes.And not even for the sake of profit, but for the sake of beauty and fascination. So I don’t want to condemn. Therefore, in spite of everything, he retains the sympathy of those around him.
Hysteroid women (as well as men) are extremely susceptible to flattery. They listen to compliments like music and become manipulative. Flatter – and do whatever you want with them.
Hysteroids are sincere in their feelings. Such a woman does not just change lovers, she really falls in love with everyone.
A positive trait of the hysteroid – he knows how to listen and can sympathize.Although he usually does this only so that they would listen to him, but very few people know about it. Therefore, hysteroids are reputed to be good interlocutors.
A training car rolls up to the driving school building at full speed, brakes sharply in front of the entrance.
A young lady jumps out from behind the wheel and shouts:
– Hey, urgently give me another instructor! That weakling I brought in has a heart attack!
Impulsive is the first psychological type to appear in human society.The most useful members of the tribe for the ancient people were hunters and warriors – they got food, fed everyone else, protected women and children. The main personality traits were quickness of reaction, the ability to make decisions under time pressure conditions and a certain aggressiveness.
There were warriors, but there were also warriors. Almost all peoples have preserved legends about them. For example, Irish women went on military campaigns with their husbands, and some of them were so successful in the martial arts that they became mentors of famous warriors.
But impulsivity is still considered a masculine trait. This man should be a kind of “macho”, and the woman is written to spin, sew and embroider. But in reality, there are not so few impulsive women. It is they who work as tram and trolleybus drivers, eager to serve in the army and the police, lay sleepers, build houses, rescue, take on hiking trips, climb rocks, play football, throw a discus and bodybuilding, as well as stop horses at a gallop and enter into the burning huts.
It is extremely difficult for an impulsive woman to realize herself in modern society precisely because all professions suitable for her are considered traditionally male. And as a woman, she seems to those around her masculine and unattractive, too harsh and rude.
However, impulsive women are liked by psychasthenic men who like to have a strong and decisive person nearby who will lead them.
Impulsive people like to command and often become middle managers.True, their subordinates dislike them because of their nasty character.
They have a really complex character. Impulsive ones like to run into trouble and start quarrels – which greatly spoils their life and can bring them to places not so distant.
Impulsive women are not prone to fidelity. But they change not with their heart and mind, but with an exceptionally well-known place. For some reason, men believe that in order to change, a woman must certainly feel at least sympathy for her lover. They are wrong.This hysteroid definitely needs sympathy, and the impulsive one will do without any unnecessary troubles. For cheating impulsive women, spontaneous sex with unfamiliar partners is characteristic. They do not attach importance to this and do not consider it treason. Well, think it’s just sex!
I do not remember the grievances … I write them down.
Epileptoidy is almost as old as impulsivity. Some scientists believe that epileptoids are among the higher animals.For example, in a pack of wolves, the leader is not so much the most agile and experienced as the most powerful epileptoid.
The main feature of the epileptoid is the ability to linearly plan. He cannot consider many options for the development of events, but he predicts well the most probable, if the situation is stable. For him, each cause has only one effect, and this effect has one more. Therefore, in order to feel at ease, an epileptoid needs order and routine. Any “mess” in society, in the apartment or on the work desk annoys and pisses him off, because it interferes with planning.
Epileptoid ladies make the most accurate and homely housewives. They are ideally clean, like in intensive care or high-precision production. Everything is in order: things are laid out in their places, no books on the dining table, no unwashed dishes on the writing. Pickles are on one shelf, jams are on the other, and on each can there is a sticker with the name and year of manufacture.
It is interesting that there are such men too. For example, he must have a list of attachments on each folder with documents, each drawer of the writing desk has its own purpose, the wardrobe is in perfect order, and each box of shoes can have a photo of the shoes in it.An hysteroid or an impulsive one will be horrified and immediately retire from the apartment of such a landlord, realizing that he cannot get along with this bore. A hypertimic can appreciate how order saves time in everything, and envies organization, but he himself will never do it. But another epileptoid will immediately appreciate and admire.
Epileptoids love coziness, comfort and other long-term pleasures: sleep, peace, delicious food. At the same time, the epileptoid is not at all lazy, it is simply circumstantial. A society with many epileptoids is most productive in producing the wealth they value most.
Another name for this psychotype is “down to earth”. And this is quite consistent with his character. An epileptoid usually evaluates a person by how much money he has or what place he occupies in the social hierarchy. Such ephemeral things as fame, interesting work or benefit for humanity – for him, only an empty sound, senseless shaking of the air.
Epileptoids have strong leadership qualities. These people love power, strive for it and often find themselves at the top of the social ladder.While physical strength was respected in society and physical strength played a large role, epileptoid men were in power. But gradually, intelligence, the ability to predict became more and more valuable – and as a result, … epileptoid ladies began to make their way into leaders. Men were so afraid of this competition that they hastened to legislate the subordinate position of women. For example, in Russia, up to the nineteenth century, the wife was entered in the husband’s passport.
Art appears to the epileptoid useless and uninteresting.However, if he (or she) has the means, he can hang the walls with paintings by famous masters to emphasize his high social status. But he will choose them not to his liking, but to the taste of critics.
Also in the choice of other things: at home, cars, clothes. They should not be so much beautiful and comfortable as correspond to his “level”. Of the appropriate, he will prefer those that are more reliable and more practical.
Epileptoids are not inclined to cheating, although there are situations in which a woman of this psychotype is quite capable of having a lover:
1) She cannot realize her imperious ambitions either in the family or at work and plays out on her lover, who, as a rule, is younger than her , admired her to the highest degree, and therefore manageable.
2) This is required by society – for example, her friends have lovers and believe that this is necessary for every self-respecting lady.
3) She has surpassed her husband so much in earnings and career growth that she believes: she needs a new life partner, more in line with her social status, and is looking for a candidate.
4) The lover helps her make a career. Epileptoid ladies prefer constant lovers, episodic relationships are not typical for them.
Boyfriend to Girl:
– I have two tickets to the concert.
– Wow! Lucky you, you go twice.
The main feature of the schizoid is non-standard. All major discoveries, inventions and revolutions in art were made by schizoids. But this does not make it easier for the schizoid himself, the non-standard creates a lot of psychological problems for him. And if the schizoid is a woman, it is even more difficult for her. Problems begin in adolescence, when boys stubbornly look through her, as if she is not there at all. No wonder. The schizoid simply has nothing to seduce: there is neither the brightness of the hysteroid, nor the strength of the impulsive, nor the optimism of the hyperthymic, nor the weakness of the psychasthenic (see.below), no charm, no taste and no dress. In addition, he has a non-standard emotionality, which is often perceived by others as a lack of emotionality at all. The schizoid woman is considered a “blue stocking”, cold, insensitive, even frigid. Moreover, the latter may not only not correspond to reality, but completely contradict it.
According to others, a schizoid girl does not know how to behave like a woman and therefore is unattractive. Often, even her attractive appearance does not save her.Young people perceive such a beauty as cold, unapproachable and not interested in the opposite sex (which is not true). I had a friend of a schizoid psychotype, a blonde with regular facial features and gorgeous skin. Despite this, she could not get married until she was 30 and had practically no fans.
With professional self-realization, a schizoid woman is not easier. The best spheres of activity for her are science and art. Moreover, art is not a public type of acting, but extremely intimate – for example, painting or poetry, where you can create alone with yourself.Not only can you not earn a lot of money neither in science nor in art, they are still occupied by men. And the schizoid woman will have to fight her way through the dense male cordon and work with her elbows, to which she is not adapted. This requires aggressiveness, which means at least a little impulsiveness or epileptoidy.
So a schizoid woman has a high chance of becoming an unadapted schizoid who has not found his place in society.
Of course, the higher the intellect of the schizoid, the easier it is for him to adapt.And this is true for both sexes. Despite the widespread belief that men shy away from smart women like fire, she can get married simply by carefully studying the problem and making a strategy. Read several books like the guide “How to get married?” Desperately fighting boredom, force yourself to read several glossy magazines and find out what is in fashion now.
The schizoid lady has another method to arrange her personal life – to achieve fame in her profession.Then she will automatically be in sight. At an art exhibition, it is impossible not to notice the author of the paintings – he will be presented. Moreover, there are men who are capable of falling in love through poetry, a novel or a painting. And then, somewhere after thirty, she may well marry an admiring hysteroid, psychasthenic or other schizoid.
A schizoid woman should not seek marriage with an impulsive or epileptoid “new Russian” woman. Epileptoids consider schizoids “crazy” and can bully them in every possible way – because schizoids are destroying their habitual habitat by acting outside the box.And impulsive women do not understand at all. However, usually schizoid girls do not seek to marry a rich man, since they are indifferent to material wealth. For a schizoid woman, there is another danger – to marry the first person they meet, because no one needs her. This first comer can be burdened with an inferiority complex (that’s why he chose a girl who is not successful) and then assert himself at her expense.
It is so difficult for a schizoid lady to find a partner that she will not cheat, unless she completely loses intellectual contact in marriage.The reasons for the adultery of a schizoid woman can be:
1) lack of communication with her husband;
2) lack of understanding in the family.
For a schizoid, it is still important whether he is an extrovert or an introvert.
The extrovert is open to the world and is interested in everyone around him. He has many friends, he communicates easily. An introvert is more closed, he is interested not in external events, but in his own experiences, he has few friends, it is difficult for him to make acquaintances and establish contacts with people.
The schizoid extrovert is much easier to adapt than the introvert.The latter are organizing sites like “Antisex” and recruiting supporters over the Internet. Their sermons boil down to the fact that love and intimate life is an extremely harmful activity that takes time and energy, which can be directed to something more useful for society. This is a defensive reaction of people who, due to their psychological characteristics, find it very difficult to find a partner. The founders of such movements, as a rule, are male schizoid introverts. But women of the same psychotype often join their “company”.
Of course, this is not an option. There are many other interesting sites on the Internet, and it is on the Internet that the introverted schizoid is easiest to find a lover or beloved. Because the author is not visible there – neither how ridiculous he dresses, nor how awkwardly he moves. But your clever thoughts will be read and, perhaps, will be enchanted.
– What is the shape of the Earth?
– Round. –
A how to prove it? –
Well, let it be square, I do not insist …
The main feature of a psychasthenic is multivariate thinking.He sees not one consequence of an event, but several. As a result, it is difficult for him to choose between different options, especially if there is no time to collect additional information and analyze it thoroughly. The decision-making process for a psychasthenic is extremely painful. He is too afraid to make mistakes and lose. Therefore, he wastes time and misses many opportunities.
His caution is sometimes excessive. He checks three times to see if everything is off before leaving the house, and then he is still tormented by the question of whether he turned off the iron and turned off the water.Having left on vacation or a business trip, he will be worried about whether something will happen in his absence.
Psychasthenics of both sexes are often insecure and shy. It’s not as bad for women as it is for men. Psychasthenic women, as a rule, get married quickly, so they find themselves a protector and commander who will decide everything for them. But their marriages are rarely happy, because they choose rude impulsive men as partners, and then they suffer all their lives next to the family sadist. It is difficult for such a woman to decide on a divorce – simply because it is generally difficult to decide anything, and she will live with her tormentor until he kicks her out, kills her, or simply finds himself another victim.
If she gets divorced, then she is often left alone. Because the failure in family life convinces her of her own chronic bad luck. Now she is afraid of marriage and no longer tries to arrange her life.
The psychasthenic is easily convinced that he is a failure. One failure in any business is enough – and he will no longer do it. But in vain!
Psychasthenic is extremely faithful and honest. If this is a pure psychasthenic, he is not at all inclined to cheating. However, a psychasthenic woman can change if:
1) she has hysterical features.Then, fearing rejection, she tries to get herself as many men as possible – just to be on the safe side;
2) her husband does not make all decisions for her. In this case, she can set off in search of a stronger partner, but in fact – an even greater tyrant;
3) if he tortured her so much that she nevertheless decided to break up with him and is looking for another defender in advance.
It should be noted that there are many psychasthenics among women. Because traits of this psychotype are traditionally encouraged in girls, as well as hysteria.This man should be brave and decisive, and the woman should be modest, weak and submissive. What such upbringing leads to is not difficult to understand. An hysteroid + psychasthenic is either a ready-made Don Juan in a skirt (with higher hysteroidism), or a house slave (with high psychasthenia).
You can change your psychotype, but within a fairly narrow framework. By working on himself, the psychasthenic can get a second, for example, an epileptoid radical. It is difficult for him to act according to circumstances, so he begins to prepare everything in advance: words, clothes, an apartment.And he acts like an epileptoid, which only benefits him.
Epileptoidism is also useful for the impulsive, which makes him more stubborn and balanced. A small epileptoid radical for hyperthymics will help to organize work better and learn how to bring things to an end.
On the other hand, psychasthenic traits can make the epileptoid more far-sighted, and impulsivity can help him make decisions faster. But if impulsivity (or other accentuation) is very low, it never gets high.You can harmonize your personality, become more adapted in society, more successful and self-realized, but not turn into another person with a different character.
Listen to news
British resident Osagi Eigbonohan defrauded thousands of pounds sterling from women with whom he struck up romantic relationships through dating sites and social networks, Guardian newspaper reports, citing the National Crime Agency.
According to law enforcement officers, a forty-year-old man used several pseudonyms to communicate with his victims. On one occasion, he introduced himself as Tony Eden and struck up a ten-month relationship with a woman on a dating site. He later convinced her to lend him money to buy equipment for his overseas business.
As a result, she made nine transfers to accounts registered to fictitious persons. The funds then went to Eigbonohan’s personal account, which he used for his daily expenses.
Data from his phone showed that he received money from at least eight other women and corresponded with more than 670 people, one of the women was terminally ill. The man was taken into custody.
Earlier it was reported that the former Italian volleyball player Roberto Cazzaniga had been in correspondence for 15 years with a fraudster who pretended to be a supermodel Alessandro Ambrosio. The athlete never saw the girl, but believed that they were having an affair. Cazzaniga gave her a car, and also paid for heart surgery.Cazzaniga admitted that he had accumulated € 700 thousand in debt. Now he is broke and went to the police.90,000 Women and the public media in Switzerland Group photo with women: “An income of 6 thousand a year for a woman is a very good income.” Srg
Dismissal after marriage? Lack of the right to drive? A maximum wage that was not even half of the maximum wage for men? What is simply unimaginable in Switzerland today, until recently, by historical standards, was a real practice, including in the Swiss public media, radio and television.On the occasion of the all-Swiss Women’s Strike, we offer you a historical insight into the past of the national media holding SRG SSR, of which the Swiss International Radio SWI swissinfo is also an autonomous subdivision.This content was published on June 14, 2019 – 17:53
Anna Sterchi, SRG Broadcasting CompanyAvailable in 3 other languages
To begin with, a simple question: why was everything the way it was, is Switzerland such a backward country? The question is not easy, for this it is necessary to assess those events not from the current enlightened positions, but from the then convictions that reigned in the country, which had just begun to enter the era of modernity, modernity.“The removal of a woman from the stove, the hearth, by and large contradicts efforts to protect the interests of the family. A woman’s place with children, not at a typewriter, ”is a direct quote from an SRG internal document from 1951.
The author of this momentous quote was the then executive director and board member of the television company. In his opinion, “a married woman should devote all her strength to her own primordial destiny, that is, to her family. Social benefit considerations tell us about the dangers of double wages in the same household.And if women, and even married women, continue to remain within the framework of work, it will simply open the gates and doors to this “social disgrace”.
Are you married? Serve on your own!
What’s most interesting is that the person who wrote these lines was not at all some mossy “hawk” when it comes to the work of married women. In this document, he only gave “general considerations” as to why SRG should continue to comply with the provisions formulated back in 1935, according to which “married employees must leave their jobs for six consecutive months.”
An exception to this rule could only be made in the event of a particularly unfavorable situation in the labor market. And only then the married employees were not fired, although they could change the nature of the labor agreement from a normal contract to a contract that was usually concluded with auxiliary workers. This is exactly what the Berne radio studio argued in 1947, when it hired two married female secretaries: “The opportunity in the future to hire equivalent single workers for their positions should be immediately used.”Assistant Secretary at SRG TV and Radio Company: “The mainstay of the state is the family, and the main economic support of the family, no doubt, is the man. A woman, as a rule, is able to perform this function for a very short time. ” Srg
A high-ranking official then named a number of additional reasons why married women have nothing to do at work. “There is no need to hush up the fact that organizational and, above all, personal difficulties arise and will arise every time where and when both men and women have worked and will work together on the radio.Admitting married women to work at SRG will increase these difficulties because experience shows us that employees of the same editorial office often have marital relations with each other. ”
What is the situation at SRG today?
43% of employees of the shopping center are women.
The share of women in managerial positions is 29%.
74% female employees of public electronic media work part-time, compared to 42% among men.
Wages here for women are on average lower than men’s incomes by 2.4% , and part of this disparity arises for reasons not related to discrimination, mainly due to additional payments for night work, as well as work on weekends and holidays, since this work is done mainly by men. Without this factor, the difference in salaries of men and women in SRG mall will be only 1.5% in favor of the former.End of insertion
Therefore, in the end, he recommended “to adhere to tried and true practice”, because otherwise “we will commit injustice primarily in relation to those who until now preferred to conscientiously observe the established order.”
Equal work – equal pay
When SRG was founded in 1931, female employees were counted in terms of earnings in the lowest, eighth salary category, which corresponded to the maximum annual earnings of 6 thousand francs, while men included in the first category earned then 15 thousand francs a year (in terms of purchasing power, one more zero should be attributed to these figures today).
Deviations from this order were allowed only in the rarest, exceptional cases, and they required a separate decision of the board, which has always become the subject of harsh debate.For example, in 1937, the then regulator, the predecessor of the current VASOM, severely criticized the decision to pay the SRG chief accountant, a woman, as well as the editor-in-chief of Swiss International Radio, the current SWI Swissinfo, also a woman, wages at an increased sixth wage rate. The logic was beautiful: “If these positions are so important, then take men for them.”
What did the then leadership say about this? From his point of view, during the global crisis and the difficult situation on the labor market, when so many men are unemployed, “we have to put up with the fact that women are in the background.At the same time, an earnings of 6 thousand per year for a woman is a very good income. ”A radio journalist at work: holding a microphone is allowed, driving is not. Srg
Unequal income for equal work was common practice at SRG two decades later, in the 1950s. It was believed that “the family is the mainstay of the state, and the main economic support of the family, no doubt, is the man. A woman, as a rule, is able to perform this function for a very short time, and then only until the moment of marriage, and in general, earning money, she, as a rule, should only take care of herself.Hence, it is quite logical and legal to assign her a more modest income, not to mention the fact that too good an income will almost certainly motivate a woman not to tie the knot. ”
Reason for dismissal: an affair with a colleague
“We intend to terminate our employment relationship with Mrs. X and Mrs. Y from 1 January 1958,” said the director of Swiss television to the General Directorate of the SRG broadcaster. The reason for their dismissal: both women began relationships with the editorial staff and decided to start a family with them, entering into marriage and family relations.And on Swiss television, couples are generally not allowed to work.
As for these ladies, “relations with them will be transferred to temporary labor agreements, they will be employed as an auxiliary labor force in case of illness or leave on vacation of other colleagues, as well as during periods of emergency work”. By 1971, the situation in the country had changed: women received the right to vote and vote, but they still could not drive the vehicles of the TV company. Only two years later, the head of the transport department of the Swiss radio and television SF DRS sent a request to the management whether women could be granted the right to drive cars on the balance sheet of the TV and radio company.