Child seduction stories: When Parents Make Their Children Partners: Adams PhD, Kenneth M.: 2015757315879: Amazon.com: Books

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When Parents Make Their Children Partners: Adams PhD, Kenneth M.: 2015757315879: Amazon.com: Books

Introduction

When I began writing Silently Seduced twenty years ago, I could not have imagined its longevity and impact. Since then, hundreds of covert incest survivors have discussed the book with me in therapy sessions and have mentioned it in lectures. They most frequently report two main reactions to the book: one, that it clarifies a troublesome parent-child relationship history that was perplexing and previously beyond the reader’s understanding; and two, that the succinct and clear manner in which it is written allows readers to be undistracted by repetition or material that is spurious to the topic. As such, Silently Seduced has not only been informative to its readers, but transformative as well. For many, it opened an emotional, experiential moment that ignited the search for more clarity and healing.

Over the years, I have received many important and thoughtful questions that the original text did not adequately answer. For example, some readers are still seeking clarity on why I consider it incestuous when a parent turns a child into a surrogate husband or wife but does not touch them sexually. Others have sought more information on how best to manage their adult relationship with their parent. They want to neither continue with the same level of inappropriate closeness nor completely ‘divorce’ their parent.

Other questions have been about how to deal with siblings, how to date, and how to handle the tension between the intrusive parent and the romantic partner. Readers have wanted more perspective on emotional issues, such as how to break free from the suffocating guilt or fear of engulfment that seems to plague covert incest survivors so often. A desire for a healthy relationship and a way to finally feel contented in love is the source of many questions. Wanting to understand why their sexuality seems so burdened, even though there was no sexual touch, creates a frequent source of confusion for survivors.

I’ve also been asked about certain populations or special circumstances. For example, are there different issues for a gay man who is involved as a surrogate husband to his mother than for a straight man? What about when a daughter plays the role of a surrogate partner to her mother as opposed to her father? Are there implications for single-parent households or for adults who choose to have and raise a child as a single parent? What are the specific problems and concerns for the partners or spouses of covert incest survivors? How should they best respond to the difficulties in their relationships caused by the covert incest of their partners?

Although many survivors of covert incest are able to relate to the stories of overt incest survivors, most struggle to feel validated because they have not been physically violated. Covert incest survivors are still suffering in silence. In fact, most are not aware that their relationships with their parents were incestuous. I’ve written this book to give such survivors a framework to understand what happened to them, how their lives continue to be affected, and how to begin the process of recovery.

What follows in this new edition is an update to the original text and a new chapter that addresses the questions that have emerged over the last twenty years. The new chapter, Frequently Asked Questions, is a dialogue between you, the reader, and me, as if we were sitting down in a therapy session or I was responding during a lecture. In addition, new material has emerged in the field over the years that supports my observations. The bibliography has been updated to reflect those sources.

In the first part of the book, I use the word ‘victim’ to describe the person still experiencing the effects of covert incest. These early chapters describe the victimization process and its consequences. In the last chapters, I discuss change and recovery. I use the word ‘survivor’ instead of ‘victim’ at that point to help underscore the important transformation from being a victim to reclaiming life. Also, to help the stories flow without the encumbering use of he/she or him/her, I use personal pronouns interchangeably.

The stories presented in the book are composites designed to illustrate the traits of covert incest survivors. Your actual experience may vary. No one story represents any one person’s particular life. To protect their right to privacy, I have purposely avoided using the stories of my clients. However, their sharing certainly has influenced my thinking. To that extent, there may be some overlap between what I have heard in my practice and what I have included in these pages. I am grateful to my clients for the sharing of their lives and the trust they have given me in the process. I respect their courage.

As I did in the original book, I strive to be clear and to the point, with as little psychological jargon as possible, in hopes that the new edition becomes another transformative step in your journey from pain and struggle to healing and freedom.

I was six when a man first touched me. I didn’t speak up until I was an adult | Rebecca Carroll

There’s a reason why, when a woman whispers her story of sexual abuse, when she writes about it, when she Tweets about it or carries a mattress around on her back, calls the police or a rape crisis line, I believe her.

The reason is because it happened to me. And you didn’t know, because I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell anyone.

Uncle “Doug” was an old friend of my parents; he visited our family often and occasionally joined us for holidays. One evening, when I was six, he offered to babysit me and my older sister at his house.

Before bedtime, Uncle Doug told us both a bedtime story about a werewolf who howled at the moon in the bitter cold of winter on top of a snowy hill, just like the hill outside the window over the sink in Uncle Doug’s kitchen. He could do these pitch-perfect character voices, and in that way, he was charismatic and appealing to children. The werewolf would howl, he said, his thirst for the blood of children relentless, until one night he came charging through a window of a house trying to catch the little girl inside. The broken glass pierced his throat, and then he was dead, his head hanging over the sill, blood dripping down the wall to the floor.

And then my sister went to bed, and I sat in his small, dimly lit kitchen, on his lap, as he nuzzled my hair and then my ear and neck, and squeezed me hard and soft at the same time. I remember staring fixedly at the window in his kitchen, into the dark snowy night, through a pane of cold glass, the moon casting shadows, a dark tree, listening for the howl of the werewolf, trying not to pay attention to what was actually happening.

What was actually happening is that he was kissing me, whispering in my ear things I didn’t understand, and rubbing the tops of my 6-year-old thighs, right where my underwear started, while I sat on his lap.

Afterwards, he took to calling me his “wifey” and signed notes to me: “Love, your hubby”. There was never another physical encounter like the one at his house, but when he visited ours, he would request “private” viewings of me practicing my ballet and leer at me longingly in my leotard and tights; he looked for any opportunity to touch me – my hand, my shoulder, the small of my back. After a couple of years, when I started to understand how inappropriate his behavior was, I refused to have anything to do with him.

I never told my parents anything. My only act of acknowledgement that he did something bad was when I crossed out with a ballpoint pen the “Love, your hubby” at the bottom of a poem he had written in my autograph book when I was eight or nine. The poem: “Tulips in the garden, tulips in the park/But the best place for tulips, is tulips in the dark”.

Uncle Doug did not hurt me physically, but he laid the groundwork for who and what I would become with men throughout my adolescence and into my early adulthood – a wreckage of fondled girlhood looking out a dark window whenever a man was on top of me. His adult hand edging up my six-year-old thigh made it seem natural to me when much older men showed interest or pursued me as a teenager. Or perfectly normal for me to try to seduce a 35-year-old when I was 15.

I never felt like a victim – and I might even still argue that I wasn’t victimized enough to claim that label, and instead call myself a product of a premature sexual experience. But for years, every time a man touched me – especially if he was older, even if I pursued him and told myself and him that it was ok – I’d catch myself looking through a non-existent dark window waiting for it to be over. Relationships came and went but never lasted, and I thought both that didn’t have anything to tell, and no one to tell it to.

Eventually, I told someone: after about eight months of dating my now-husband, who was curious and emotionally invested in “us” in a way I’d never experienced, I proudly called myself promiscuous. He looked at me with compassion and confusion and said, “Really?”. I confessed: “Not promiscuous in the way you would think.” And then I told him the truth.

And then I told someone else. And someone else after that. I chose to narrate my own story, rather than let the one Doug told persist any longer in my own mind.

Doug, like most abusers, relied on me not telling. They all rely on us not telling – to save their reputations, avoid consequences, and keep on abusing. Those of us who do tell, who let go of the shame we know we’re supposed to feel, are in such a minority that it enables the rest of you to disbelieve both those that tell and the existence of those who can’t yet. It’s hard for you to imagine being in a group of five women and knowing that one was sexually assaulted. It’s hard for me to believe that we can just go unheard – our experiences unknown – without consequence.

But all of that is why it’s so important for women, for abuse survivors, to tell our stories: because the more of us who do, the more we chip away at the ability to ignore or to choose not to believe. I believe – and I believe that you can choose to as well.

Woman overcomes PTSD to find her ‘happy ending’ – Love What Matters

Disclaimer: This story contains details of sexual abuse that may be upsetting to some.

“In a small house, in a small town, where kids were playing, doors wide open, and everyone got along, was a child who had a story to tell. This child grew up with a mom, dad, and baby sister, a regular average childhood. Loved by the whole family, everything was great until one night, something so clear, it will never and can never be erased from memory.

My name is Beth, I am 30 years old, living in a small town, in a small state, where everybody knows everyone no matter where you go, and here is my story.

When I was about 5 or 6 years old, I went to the carnival with my father. It was pretty late and we had just got done riding the strawberry twirly ride. I was quite nauseous, so my father decided it was time to go home. The first thing I remember was him taking me to our little car and I was sitting in the front seat; even to this day I think to myself, ‘Why was I upfront, it is so unsafe.’ He buckled me in and then it happened; I became violently sick everywhere, all over my lap, the dashboard, and on the floor. My father just looked at me, smiled, and said, ‘It’s OK, this happens. We will get it cleaned.’ Then he took me home.

Courtesy of Beth Papili

Standing in the washroom, I was completely naked. My father had my clothes and put them in the washer. Then, he took me upstairs into his and my mother’s room, where instead of getting a bath like I thought, he laid me on the bed. That is when it started…

I can remember the pain as he said, ‘Just lay there, be still, your Daddy‘s good little girl.’ I just stared at the ceiling, remembering his breath on me.

While I do not think he fully inserted himself inside of me,  I do believe it was enough that it hurt me badly. I did not understand this pain or why he was doing this to me. Why the man that is supposed to protect me was hurting me.

Finally, my father left the room to start my bath. There was a window behind the bed and as I gazed outside of it, trying to ignore the situation in the room and what had just happened, there was a woman coming out of the building behind our house. It was a food company building, and as she was walking out, she stared up at me and I waved violently, like ‘HELP!’ I did not scream, I did not bang on the window, because I did not want him to  hurt me more or come after me. The woman stood there, looked at me, and walked away, going to her car to leave. My safety, my possibility of help, was gone.

When my father came back into the room, he started to pleasure himself.

He then placed me in the bathtub as I was still bleeding. The pain in my lower area was not awful, but still stung and was hurting. Kneeling down next to me, he told me if we spoke about this to my mother or anyone else, something awful could happen to him, my little sister, and my mom. He said, ‘You wouldn’t want us to go away, would you?’

I shook my head ‘NO’ because I did not want anything to happen to my daddy, mommy, or my baby sister, so I stayed quiet.

Fast forward a few years later and I was about 7 or 8 years old, in second grade at this point. I had an appointment, so my grandmother came and picked me up. I was laying in the front seat, sitting there, when all of a sudden I said to my grandmother, ‘If I told you something, will you promise me nothing would to happen to my mom or my sister or my dad?’

She said, ‘Yes darling, what is it?’

I told my grandmother everything and anything I could remember of that night, every detail of what he told me. I wound up at the psychiatrist office for my appointment, the cops came to take my story, and my mom was called. I sat on my mom’s lap and looked at her as I told her and the police everything that happened. The police wrote everything down and asked me a couple of questions as well. The next thing I knew, nothing else was done, not an exam – nothing.

A few years later, my mother told me my father was not charged with statutory rape or anything severe.  He never served years in prison and was given a slap on the wrist with a sexual predator label. He will be registered as a sex offender for life and just get a few years’ probation.

I am now 30 and  found out not too long ago that my father sits in Florida state federal prison, never to get out. I have never spoken to or written him since that original incident. It was such a relief because I always felt like he was going to come searching for me and/or possibly harm me. I lived with the fear and guilt as if I had done something wrong.

Courtesy of Beth Papili

My whole life changed in an instant; one day I had a family, then my family became smaller. I blamed myself for what had happened. I always thought I was dirty and an awful person because of what had happened. Needing to stop the mental pain I was living with, I tried to fix it by killing myself.

At some point, I realized it was time to take back my fears and that for me to live my life for me. I decided I needed to relearn my brain, relearn my life, and relearn the truth. Because he is gone, my father has no control over me and I can now truly live. I sought help for myself and continue to seek help for others. Some see seeking help as a sign of weakness, but to me it is a sign of true strength to know when something is truly wrong and you are okay with asking for help. There is nothing wrong with allowing some of that burden to be on someone else for a bit, leaning on them for support.

After many years of seeing my therapist and psychologist, and many years of just understanding what has happened with my role in this, I am not, and I repeat, I am NOT the victim, I am the survivor.

I have allowed this man to try to destroy my life, and due to that, I have been raped twice in my life. I have allowed men to harm me and will do so no more.

I did grow from this life-altering experience and will do everything in my power to not allow it to define who I am as a woman, nor allow myself to blame him for my actions, both past and present. Mentally, I still have night terrors and cannot trust men easily. Reassurance from my husband that he loves me and that he is always there for me is something I need. I also live with PTSD, depression, bipolar, and anxiety.

Courtesy of Beth Papili

I am protective of my kids, one of whom is my 9-year-old daughter. We talk as much as we can about ‘no-no’ areas and that it is okay to tell me, or anyone at all, if someone harms her. I told her ‘I will protect you, I will believe you, even if nothing has ever happened to you.’ Please talk to your children and let them know it is not okay for anyone to hurt them or make them feel you, as the parent, will be hurt because of what has happened to them.

Courtesy of Beth Papili

Whoever reads this, I hope you have the strength to say something if someone has harmed you. Do not worry just because they may be a family member, do not worry you are going to hurt their feelings, or if they are going to be in trouble. It is NOT okay, and you are NOT to blame! What someone does to you, whether it is a family member, a friend, or even a stranger, does not define who you are. It does not make you weak, it does not make you vulnerable, and the fact that you survived rape or being sexually molested makes you brave and a survivor.

I’m now 30 with three kids, and a husband who dares not to ever harm me, let alone raise his tone.

I never thought I’d find my happily ever after or allow myself to find happiness.

I thought all men would hurt me.

Why wouldn’t they? They have since childhood.

I’m blessed to be married to my soul mate, my best friend, and to be able to live a great life with my amazing family.

Sean Shannon/Let’s be Candid

I hope my story helps a teen, a mom, a dad, or anyone that can relate to my experience and is scared.  You are NOT alone and you are NOT the victim. We are survivors of disgusting people who do not deserve to be here in this world or to be able to enjoy life for what it really is.

I hope my story can reach someone who just needs to hear a happy ending.”

Courtesy of Beth Papili

This is an exclusive story to Love What Matters. For permission to use, email [email protected]

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Beth Papili of Wilmington, Delaware. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here, and subscribe to our best stories in our free newsletter here.

Read more empowering stories of young women overcoming abuse:

‘I was staring at a naked picture of myself on my father’s computer. ‘What the heck?,’ I said out loud, the last words before rage overtook my body.’

‘Don’t tell nobody. I’ll give you some money when I get paid,’ he said as he was getting off me. I was scared out of my mind. My uncle, my favorite uncle, had hurt me.’

Provide hope for someone struggling. SHARE this story on Facebook to let them know a community of support is available.

WE MUST SPEAK OUT ABOUT SEDUCTION AND SEXUAL ABUSE IN INDIANA SCHOOLS

“A Jeffersonville teen pleaded guilty Friday to molesting 20 children over 17 months while working as a teacher’s assistant at an elementary school and a Clark County YMCA.”

“A former assistant dive coach at a northwest Indiana high school faces four years in prison after reaching a plea agreement in a sexual misconduct case involving two female students.”

“A choir teacher in central Indiana has been arrested on one charge of child seduction.”

“A male high school student filed suit in federal court against IPS. He claimed he was sexually abused and harassed by his counselor, and some in the school were aware of the inappropriate relationship.”

“Former Warren Central Spanish teacher and coach faces two counts of sexual misconduct with a minor and one count of child solicitation for fondling or touching.”

“Indianapolis Public Schools pays $600K to settle counselor sex abuse lawsuits.”

Under Indiana State law, child seduction involves sexual conduct between a child care worker, such as a teacher over the age of 18 and a minor student.  It encompasses conduct of a sexual nature, including sexual intercourse, deviate sexual conduct and any fondling or touching with the intent to arouse either the child or the adult.

Child seduction and sexual abuse is happening, right now, right in our own state of Indiana; the stories shown above all happened in the first half of this very calendar year!

As personal injury attorneys at Ramey & Hailey Law, our work includes helping victims of assault and abuse of all kinds. We find seduction cases in schools particularly tragic, because they involve the very people we trust to educate and train our children. The very leaders we trust to serve as mentors to our children are instead exploiting them.

Indiana House Bill 1079 passed in the spring of 2017, was designed to close gaps in the criminal screening process for school employees.  The bill requires that:

  • both public and private schools conduct expanded criminal history and child protection index checks on prospective employees
  • schools check applicants’ references, including their most recent employer.
  • current school employees undergo an expanded check every five years
  • courts notify school officials when a person has been convicted of rape, trafficking, or child molestation.
  • no school district, charter or accredited nonpublic school can establish a policy that delays or restricts the reporting of incidents of abuse
  • every school must provide child abuse education to students in kindergarten through Grade 12

Seems these measures, implemented two years ago, aren’t having nearly the desired preventative effect. As an attorney, I frankly cannot imagine a personal injury greater than robbing a child of innocence and trust.  In fact, according to the Encyclopedia of Psychology, when perpetrators of sexual abuse take advantage of young victims, the reactions on the part of the child might include shock, fear or disbelief, with long-term symptoms of anxiety, fear or even post-traumatic stress disorder. 

“If a school employee has mistreated your child, the first thing you want to do is make sure the problem stops,” writes E.A. Gjelten in Lawyers.com. “After that, you may ask: Whom can I sue?”

But, why would you, as the parent of a child abused by an educator want to file a civil suit of your own against the school district in which the problem occurred? To receive compensation to help pay for the costs of medical and psychological treatment for your child. The unfortunate truth is that child sexual abuse increases a young person’s long term risk for mental, physical and behavioral health issues.

Our work as personal injury attorneys in Indiana is focused on helping parents get the financial help their children are going to need.  We’re there to provide a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen, but we also know that the courage of parents and children to carry their cases to court can help some very sad stories have happier endings.

By
Mary Beth Ramey
|
Posted on
June 19, 2019

Grooming Children for Sexual Molestation by Gregory M. Weber : The Zero 5.0laf



Grooming Children for Sexual Molestation


By Gregory M. Weber



You’re a thief—a con artist. You recently met an elderly widow with a good–sized bank account fueled by pension and dividend checks. In sharp contrast, your own financial engine is running on fumes. You decide to take her money.


So you befriend the lady. You run small errands for her. You buy her gifts. You listen to her stories and you comfort her when she feels lonely. You put your arm around her and tell her you understand her problems. You spend time with her each day. You tell her she’s special. You gain her trust. Her natural suspicion disappears.


Only then does the conversation shift to money. You tell her about a tremendous investment opportunity. You offer her a chance to share in this special event. If she’s curious, you play on that curiosity. You answer her questions and downplay her fears.


And your work pays off. She trusts you. She signs the check.


Three minutes after her bank opens, you’re in the wind, cash in hand and ready to target your next victim.


But what if you’re a child molester—a predator? What if the object of your desire isn’t the widow’s bank account, but her six–year–old grandson? What steps will you take to get what you want?


Not much will change. A predator will identify and engage his victim. He’ll gain the child’s trust, break down his defenses, and manipulate him into performing or permitting the desired sex act. If necessary, the predator will gain access to the child by employing the same techniques with the child’s parent or adult caretaker.


The process is called grooming. It increases the predator’s access to his victim and decreases the likelihood of discovery.


Anna C. Salter is a respected psychologist. She is an expert in the field of child sexual maltreatment, and she spells it out:


“The establishment (and eventual betrayal) of affection and trust occupies a central role in the child molester’s interactions with children….The grooming process often seems similar from offender to offender, largely because it takes little to discover that emotional seduction is the most effective way to manipulate children.”


These men are convicted child molesters. They, too, are experts in the field of child maltreatment, and they also spell it out:


“[P]arents are so naive—they’re worried about strangers and should be worried about their brother–in–law. They just don’t realize how devious we can be. I used to abuse children in the same room with their parents and they couldn’t see it or didn’t seem to know it was happening.”


“I was disabled and spent months grooming the parents, so they would tell their children to take me out and help me. No one thought that disabled people could be abusers.”


“[P]arents are partly to blame if they don’t tell their children about [sexual matters]—I used it to my advantage by teaching the child myself.”


“[P]arents shouldn’t be embarrassed to talk about things like this—it’s harder to abuse or trick a child who knows what you’re up to.”


Here’s what the predators are up to.


Grooming is a process. It begins when the predator chooses a target area. He may visit places where children are likely to go: schools, shopping malls, playgrounds, parks, and the like. He may work or volunteer at businesses that cater to children. Other predators strike up relationships with adults who have children in the home—single parent families make particularly good targets.


Victim selection and recruitment are next. There is no prototypical victim of child sexual abuse. Any child may be victimized. Not surprisingly, predators often target children with obvious vulnerabilities. A child who feels unloved and unpopular will soak up adult attention like a sponge. Children with family problems, who spend time alone and unsupervised, who lack confidence and self–esteem, and who are isolated from their peers are all likely targets.


Predators engage or “recruit” their victims in different ways. Many use a combination of forced teaming and charm. They may offer to play games, give rides, or buy treats and gifts as tokens of friendship. They may offer drugs or alcohol to older children or teenagers. And they almost always offer a sympathetic, understanding ear. Your parents don’t understand or respect you? I do. Other kids make fun of you? I know what that’s like—it was the same way for me when I was your age. They don’t trust you at home? Boy, I know what that’s like—your parents never really want you to grow up. But I trust you. I respect you. I care for you more than anybody else. And I love you. I’m here for you.


Successful predators find and fill voids in a child’s life.


A predator will usually introduce secrecy at some point during the grooming process. Initially, secrecy binds the victim to the predator: “Here’s some candy. But don’t tell your friends because they’ll be jealous, and don’t tell your mother because she won’t like you eating between meals.” Later on, secrecy joins hands with threats: “If you tell your mother what happened, she’ll hate you. It’ll kill her. Or I’ll kill her. Or I’ll kill you.”


The forging of an emotional bond through grooming leads to physical contact. Predators use the grooming process to break down a child’s defenses and increase the child’s acceptance of touch. The first physical contact between predator and victim is often nonsexual touching designed to identify limits: an “accidental” touch, an arm around the shoulder, a brushing of hair. Nonsexual touching desensitizes the child. It breaks down inhibitions and leads to more overt sexual touching—the predator’s ultimate goal.


The best way to recognize grooming behavior is to pay attention to your child and the people in your child’s life. Gavin de Becker sensibly reminds us that “[c]hildren require the protection of adults, usually from adults. Their fear of people is not yet developed, their intuition not yet loaded with enough information and experience to keep them from harm.” There are many demands placed upon our time, but nothing—nothing—is more important than the welfare of our children. When we blindly surrender responsibility for them to others without question, we invite trouble. Parents should know their child’s teachers, coaches, day care providers, youth group leaders, and other significant adults in their lives. Make unannounced visits. Ask questions. Stay involved.


And please—talk to your children. Teach them to recognize grooming behavior. Teach them to be wary of any physical contact initiated by an adult. And teach them to trust you with their problems and their pain. The safest child is the child who knows he can bring his problems and concerns to parents and adult caregivers without reproach or retaliation.



Gregory M. Weber is an Assistant Attorney General for the State of Wisconsin. He specializes in the prosecution of crimes committed against children. He may be reached at P.O. Box 7857, Madison, Wisconsin
53707-7857, or by e-mail at [email protected]

News Story of the Day

Eliminate the statute that helps child abusers | Editorial

December 02, 2021

Updated: Dec. 02, 2021, 7:00 a.m. | Published: Dec. 02, 2021, 7:00 a.m.

Since Gov. Murphy signed a 2019 law that suspended the statute of limitations for civil sex abuse lawsuits for two years, more than 1,200 cases were filed — two-thirds of them against clergy or a religious institution.

A window to justice opened, and the people who had spent years or decades harboring an unfathomable pain stepped through it.

But the deadline for those victims to file suit ended Tuesday, and examination of the available data makes this much clear: The suspension of the statute needs to be extended, and our lawmakers should consider waiving it entirely.

Victims of abuse need time to decide whether they can share their experience. That’s why the bill championed by Senator Joe Vitale was crucial, because the previous window for civil action in our state was preposterous: Victims had to bring civil suits before they turned 20 or within two years from the time they connected their trauma to the abuse.

That’s why one examination of these lawsuits filed during this two-year window is revealing. The Record reports that 80% are based on allegations that took place between 1960 and 1990. Only 40 are related to incidents that occurred after 1990.

 

More than 850 sexual abuse lawsuits have been filed as deadline approaches for past claims

November 14, 2021

More than 40 years after a 15-year-old boy was reportedly sexually abused by the Rev. John Capparelli, the alleged victim filed a lawsuit in Essex County Superior Court against the Archdiocese of Newark and the church where the disgraced, defrocked priest — who was murdered in 2019 — once served.

The plaintiff in the case, not identified by name, spoke of being raised in a devout Catholic family and participating in youth and church activities at Holy Trinity Church in Westfield, before ultimately becoming a victim to what was described only as “unpermitted sexual contact.”

It is just one of hundreds of civil lawsuits that have been filed in New Jersey since the state opened a two-year window that greatly extended the amount of time victims of sexual abuse had to sue.

And now, that window is closing. At the end of the month, a two-year extension allowing such lawsuits on decades-old allegations comes to an end.

Advocates, however, say the COVID pandemic has made it difficult for victims to meet with attorneys and build their cases and have called for more time to allow others to seek justice.

“The pandemic closed our courts for some time and it delayed in many ways the statewide investigation of the five Catholic Dioceses in New Jersey,” said Mark Crawford, a clergy abuse survivor and state leader of SNAP — Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests.

The New Jersey law, passed in 2019 and signed by Gov. Phil Murphy, waived the statute of limitations to sue under a 24-month time period ending on Nov. 30, 2021. The law also allowed adults who were assaulted as children to file civil suits until they turn 55, or seven years after they discover that they were abused. It targeted not only individuals who allegedly committed sexual assault, but the churches, athletic organizations, schools and community organizations for whom they had worked.

SNAP and leading advocacy organizations, such as Darkness 2 Light, RAINN, Together for Girls, and the Army of Survivors, will recognize November 18th as the international #EndChildSexAbuseDay.

November 02, 2021

 

 

 

This November we have a great chance to bring the needs, wants, and asks of survivors to the world stage in a big way! SNAP and leading advocacy organizations, such as Darkness 2 Light, RAINN, Together for Girls, and the Army of Survivors, will recognize November 18th as the international #EndChildSexAbuseDay.

More than 50 countries will be joining us as we make noise on social media and in the streets to draw attention to the needs of survivors, the ways we can prevent abuse, and the action that we are demanding our leaders and elected officials take. We need your voice to join the chorus!

On November 18 we, as part of the steering group for the Keep Kids Safe coalition, will release our Federal Blueprint for action (click here to read the blueprint in full). A key part of this blueprint, and something that SNAPpers have demanded for years, is the importance of a federal investigation into institutions that perpetuate abuse and cover-up, like the Catholic Church, Southern Baptist Convention, and others.

Top Catholic predator cleric who lives in St. Louis is in court today

October 28, 2021

By David Clohessy 

10/28/2021

An ex-priest in the St. Louis area, who is the most highly ranked and prominent US Catholic official to ever face criminal charges of child sexual abuse is back in a courtroom today.

https://whdh.com/news/court-hearing-scheduled-for-ex-cardinal-mccarrick-accused-of-sexually-assaulting-teen-boy-in-mass-nearly-50-years-ago/

https://www.snapnetwork.org/former_cardinal_theodore_mccarrick_s_pre_trial_hearing_is_to_be_held_thursday_october_28

Very few St. Louisans know that he and dozens of other predators from all across the US are living here. Sure, he’s old. Sure, the church center that houses him is ‘out in the boondocks.’ But that doesn’t mean he’s ‘cured’ and is now safe, nor that we should care less about the safety of rural kids. And virtually none of those predators in Dittmer – who’ve been deemed too dangerous, by their own church supervisors, to live back in their home dioceses – are known to St. Louis parents, police, prosecutors, or parishioners.

The cleric in court today is Theodore McCarrick, the only US Catholic cardinal, current or former, ever to be charged with child sex crimes. We hope his prosecution happens quickly. We hope that his victims feel some measure of relief and validation that he’s finally facing justice. And we hope that Catholic officials in St. Louis finally begin honoring their pledges to be ’open’ about abuse and disclose the names of the hundreds of out-of-state child molesting clerics who’ve been secretly welcomed into our archdiocese for decades.

 

https://www.snapnetwork.org/fact_sheet_on_st_louis_area_accused_priests_feb19

 

https://www.snapnetwork.org/snap_press_releases/2005_press_releases/012505_importing_predators.htm

What if you experience harm instead of healing in the confessional?

October 26, 2021

Liberty University threatened to punish students who reported being raped with conduct violations: report

October 25, 2021

Pope releases shocking letter from Church sex abuse victim

October 21, 2021

The Pontifical Commission for the Protection of Minors publishes a “letter to seminarians” written by a woman who, as a little girl, was sexually abused by a priest

The Pontifical Commission for the Protection of Minors released a letter from a victim abused sexually by a priest, on Monday, October 18. 

By Loup Besmond de Senneville | Vatican City

At the insistence of Pope Francis, the Pontifical Commission for the Protection of Minors has published a “letter to seminarians” written by a woman who was sexually abused by a priest when she was a little girl.”I am also here on behalf of the other victims… children who were deeply hurt, whose childhood, purity and respect were stolen… who were betrayed and had their unlimited trust taken advantage of… They were killed once (twice, many times)… their souls were torn into little bloody pieces,” says the unidentified author in a letter in Italian that she sent to the pope. Francis then instructed the pontifical commission to publish the text on its website.”For years I was abused by a priest,” writes the woman. “I try to survive, to feel joy, but in fact, it is an incredibly difficult struggle,” she continues. My body “remembers every touch””I suffer from dissociative identity disorder, severe complex post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety, fear of others,” she writes, emphasizing that her body still “remembers every touch”.”I don’t sleep and if I can fall asleep, I still have nightmares,” the abuse survivor says.”I am afraid of priests, of being around them,” she adds, saying she can no longer go to Mass. The woman then makes a poignant appeal to seminarians and priests. “Please do not allow these wounds to be even deeper and new ones to occur! … God has called you to be his instrument among humanity. You have a GREAT RESPONSIBILITY! A responsibility that is not a burden, but a GIFT!” she writes. She urges the men not to “sweep things under the rug”, because “otherwise, the rug itself will fall apart”.”Realize that when we hide these facts when we remain silent about them, we hide the dirt and thus become a COMPLICIT,” the abuse survivor warns the clerics and seminarians. She ends her letter with this appeal: “PLEASE BE A GOOD PRIEST!” 

Mother and son incest: The untold stories of boys raped by their mothers

IAN was just a boy when his mother raped him. He’s not alone. These are the harrowing stories that need to be told. WARNING: confronting content.

TRIGGER WARNING: This story discusses experiences of childhood sexual abuse, incest and suicide.

“I AM very sorry I brought you so much pain,” Marcus* wrote in his final letter, “Thank you for caring for me. I know I didn’t deserve it.”

Marcus died by suicide two years ago and when he did, he left University of Canberra researcher Lucetta Thomas a message.

The sentence that stayed with her was this one: “The only course of action is for you to do something positive, like finish the PhD.”

To an outsider, these could be understood as simple words of encouragement. Lucetta knew their real meaning; this was an urgent final plea.

The PhD she’s currently writing is about sons who were sexually abused by their biological mothers — just as Marcus had been.

Since she met him, Lucetta had witnessed Marcus struggling to come to terms with what happened to him in childhood.

“He was not only sexually abused by his mother from a very young age but when he became older and was able to physically prevent her from abusing him, she engaged another friend to be her strong arm so she could continue the acts of sexual violence against him,” Lucetta explains.

“When Marcus died, I knew I had to finish the research. I didn’t want this to happen to anyone else. I wanted these men to know they aren’t alone and it’s not their fault. There is help out there,” she says.

It turns out Marcus is far from alone. For Lucetta’s study, 94 men who had been abused by their mothers filled out online surveys. Of that number, she then interviewed 23 men at length over the phone.

“The abuse often started before the child hit puberty, when the child was still quite young, so they had really no concept of what was going on but they were still being coerced or manipulated into performing sexual acts,” she says.

While some boys were mentally coerced into “a full sexual relationship” with their mother, Lucetta explains that others were on the receiving end of “incredible violence” if they tried to resist. Mothers might also withdraw of basic human needs, such as food and shelter.

Hamish,* now in his 50s, was 12 years old the first time he recalls having sex with his mother.

“She had this big bedroom and if we were ever sick or anything like that we’d stay in her bed. One day she just initiated it, she just started touching me and it just went from there.

“She preyed on the fact I was coming into puberty and made me feel important and special,” he tells me.

From this distance Hamish now understands he was just a child when the abuse occurred; he was unable to consent to sex with an adult in a position of power.

At the time though, it was a different story: “I thought I was enjoying it and I thought I was grown up.”

Despite growing up in a wealthy suburb and going to a private school, home life was difficult. His single mother suffered frequent physical illnesses, such as pneumonia and pleurisy. In retrospect Hamish thinks his mother was also mentally unwell.

“It was a good household to be in when my mother was in a good mood and it was a horrible household to be in when she wasn’t,” he says, “she would threaten to kill us and she’d lock all the windows and turn on the gas.”

“I got hurt,” Hamish continues, pointing to a decades-old scar on his the top of his head.

Especially when his mother was sick, Hamish cooked, cleaned and went to the shops to get food for the family.

“She saw me as like some sort of de facto relationship, I’ve got no doubt about that. She’d say: ‘You’re the man of the house’,” he recalls.

Meanwhile his mother warned him to stay quiet about their sexual relationship.

“People wouldn’t understand, you can’t ever tell anybody,” she told Hamish.

The truth is that Hamish had no one to disclose the abuse to — and even if he did, was terrified of splitting up his family.

“You’re physically and mentally trapped in this relationship and you can’t get out of it,” he says.

This isn’t an easy interview. When I ask what went through his head during that period in his childhood, Hamish struggles to form an answer. Like so many men in his position, the distress lies not in the words but in the silence.

“[I’ve] spent most of my life trying to repress these thoughts and memories,” he says, “I haven’t talked to anyone for 30 years about it.”

When he was just 15, Hamish’s mother died. While making it clear he didn’t wish for her death, Hamish is blunt: “She did me a favour … I’ve always felt that it enabled me, in some respects, to get on with my life.”

He worked damn hard to do just that. Hamish married in the early 90s and fathered two sons of whom he’s extremely proud.

About 10 years ago a television news story prompted him to briefly mention the childhood sexual abuse to his wife. After the disclosure he promptly told her: “I never want to talk about it ever again, ever.”

Quietly reflecting on this, he says: “It’s really hard to tell someone you love, ‘By the way, my mother abused me and I had sex with my mother’.”

True to his word, Hamish never did discuss it again with his wife — something he has lived to regret.

“I love my wife and for a lot of the time we had a good relationship but this thing [the abuse] came between us,” Hamish says, “it did slowly poison our relationship.”

“Our marriage was never the same after I told her about my mother … just telling her wasn’t enough, we needed to get help,” he says.

Three years ago Hamish had an affair and his marriage unravelled. As a result he lost his wife and his business.

“I wish we’d got help together, you know? I might still be married now if I’d got help. But I’m not,” he says with unmistakeable grief.

Despite this, Hamish no longer feels anger when it comes to his mother.

“I feel sorry for her that she couldn’t see what she was doing was wrong,” he says.

It’s an incredibly confusing situation for victims, explains Lucetta, because “the boys still love their mother” and just like Hamish, “they don’t want the family to break apart.”

Lucetta says men who were victims as boys are deterred from disclosing what happened due to the very real fear of not being believed or being blamed for their maternal abuse.

“Society says that males are actually instigators of any sort of sexual relationship, so the child copes with the trauma by telling himself: ‘I must have actually instigated it,’” she says.

Lucetta recruited the men for her research with relative ease. This may lead one to assume this type of abuse is common. Frustratingly though, there seems to be no reliable data on its prevalence — including the Personal Safety Survey conducted by the Australian Bureau of Statistics.

The way Lucetta sees it, the lack of data leads to both a lack of public awareness and acceptance of mother-to-son sexual abuse and a lack of “support and assistance for these male victims by health professionals.”

Ian,* 70, was also sexually abused by his mother. Unlike Hamish, it happened when he was a much younger child.

“I can remember what her vagina felt like, I can remember what her body felt like and I as a child felt all yucky about it,” he recalls.

Up until the age of eight, Ian says he slept in his mother’s bed and was asked to perform sexual acts on her, such as sucking her nipples.

“I hated her because of abuse,” he says, “I had a list of people who I wanted dead and she was on that list.”

The family dynamic was complicated. Ian, his two brothers, mother and her husband — we’ll call him John — lived in poverty in rural South Australia.

“I was born illegitimately,” Ian says, “and he [John] knew that because he wasn’t sleeping with my mother.”

“My whole life I felt guilt and shame because I shouldn’t have been in existence,” he says.

Growing up, Ian “just existed” rather than living. John kicked Ian’s mother and her children out of the house several times.

“I was shunned, I wasn’t wanted. I felt that even from my cousins, uncles and aunties, grandparents,” Ian says.

For Ian, the childhood abuse “manipulated my sexuality and impacted my ability to operate as a person.”

“How can you have a healthy sexual relationship? How can you become a father, husband, grandfather?” he asks.

Throughout adulthood, Ian has been plagued by feelings of isolation, guilt, low self-esteem, depression and anxiety. He’s also battled a “dysfunctional sex life” and attempted suicide a number of times.

Ian describes “a paralysis” inside him and states: “I don’t think I’ve loved anybody in my life [and] didn’t know what love was.”

Although Ian is still married to his wife and has been for nearly 50 years, he confesses to having a number of extramarital affairs and visiting escorts for sex.

In a lighter moment, he jokingly refers to this as “a very good form of therapy.”

Only in the last six years — and after decades of counselling and therapy — does Ian feel he’s started to recover.

“I honestly believe she [his mother] had probably been sexually abused herself,” he says, adding: “I feel pity for her.”

“I had to forgive my late mother in order to recover,” Ian explains.

In the context of Lucetta’s research, Ian is unusual because he considers himself mentally healthy.

She says: “Out of all the males that I spoke to I would say only one had actually come to terms with what had happened to him.”

The sexual abuse of “these men when boys is often highly traumatic and at times extremely violent and impacted on their psychological, biosocial and physical development,” Lucetta says.

Far from healing over time, the impacts of this mother-to-son childhood sexual abuse seem to continue.

“There seemed to be a recurrence of the trauma building up over the years,” she says, “so from the late 30s onwards, it was really starting to become an issue for them.”

As adults, the majority of men in Lucetta’s study felt “very trapped, very isolated, very afraid and very unsure of how to go about getting help and understanding the power dynamics that they had been subjected to.”

“One gentleman, sadly, was completely house bound. He basically just felt that it was completely impossible to trust anybody or to be out in society because he had so little self-regard,” she says.

According to Lucetta, society’s beliefs about gender are effectively stopping a cohort of male victims disclosing their abuse and accessing support.

“They have experienced the same forms of trauma, the same forms of sexual abuse and emotional and psychological abuse as any victim of sexual abuse or sexual assault and they need to be taken seriously and they need to be believed.

“It is time to break the long-held view of mothers as only ever gentle and caring females, so that the sexual abuse of sons by their biological mother is acknowledged,” she says.

For Hamish’s part, he urges other survivors of mother to son abuse to reach out for help.

“You can’t just bottle it up and think that it will go away, because it doesn’t ever go away,” he says. And he would know.

* Names and some personal details have been changed for privacy reasons.

If you’re a bloke who is impacted by sexual abuse, call Mensline 24/7 on 1300 78 99 78 or visit www.mensline.org.au

You can also call Lifeline on 131114 or chat online at www.lifeline.org.au

In an emergency, call 000

For a detailed listing of support services for victims child sex abuse, see this page from The Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sexual Abuse.

Ginger Gorman is an award winning print and radio journalist, and a 2016 TEDx Canberra speaker. Follow her on Twitter @GingerGorman

90,000 Children’s facial features as a dangerous social weapon

  • Zaraya Gorvett
  • BBC Future

Photo author, Getty Images

Why those whom nature has awarded with large, childishly wide eyes and dimples on the chin, is it easier to succeed in life? And why do they get away with so much?

He was one of America’s most wanted criminals. His bloodlust knew no bounds: Al Capone himself kicked him out of his gang for being too cruel.

On April 20, 1934, the police had a chance to track him down. They were informed that the perpetrator was staying at a hotel by a lake in Wisconsin, and they began a covert operation to eliminate him.

But nature has endowed George Nelson with a round face, big eyes and a small, neat nose. His accomplices called him “Kid” – but only among themselves, of course. He did not look like a criminal at all.

When the agents arrived at the scene, they immediately noticed three men of suspicious appearance and, without hesitation, opened fire on them.

Later it turned out they were shooting undercover FBI agents, allowing Little Nelson and his accomplices to escape peacefully.

Lovely childish features are undoubtedly dangerous social weapons. They help their owners avoid the punishment for murder, receive more parental love, and seduce members of the opposite sex.

It is much easier for those with large expressive eyes to defeat opponents, get help from strangers, and get promotions.

Photo author, Getty Images

Photo caption,

Former Nelson’s boss Al Capone also had a sweet smile and childish eyes. But the terrible scar spoiled the impression

Thanks to such an appearance, politicians inspire more confidence, and criminals receive less severe sentences or avoid punishment altogether.

In general, people with childish facial features seem to us to be more honest, naive, friendly, kind, sympathetic, decent, disposed to themselves, closer and more charismatic than others.

But this trust is not always deserved. In fact, these people are more – not less – prone to becoming criminals, and once they break the law, they commit more offenses than those who look less attractive.

And finally, for some inexplicable reason, women with childish facial features are considered the most attractive in various cultures around the world.

“Big eyes, long eyelashes, curved eyebrows, plump lips, small chin, round face, cute little nose – this description works equally well for a child and a supermodel,” says Caroline Keating, an expert in non-verbal communication. from Colgate University, New York.

So what’s the deal?

Photo author, Getty Images

Photo caption,

What could be more innocent than a child’s doll with a naively open mouth and trusting eyes?

We have been judging people by their appearance for thousands of years. The ancient Greeks even created a special science for this called “physiognomy”.

Back in 500 BC. the mathematician Pythagoras, choosing his students, carefully studied their facial features; a little later, Aristotle wrote that people with big heads are cunning.

In those days, many believed that a person’s character can be judged by what kind of animal he looks like.

By the beginning of the Middle Ages, this phenomenon has acquired a truly massive character. Due to the arrogant appearance of people with upturned noses, the expression “turn up your nose” has appeared.

Because of the differences in the anatomical structure of the head, representatives of the aristocracy were called “highbrow”, and the less sophisticated representatives of the lower classes – “narrow-minded.”

Even now, in 2016, little has changed.We consider people who look like Labrador dogs to be friendly, and those who look like a lion are more dominant.

Those who, even at rest, have a gloomy face, seem to us more aggressive, and less attractive people – sick. We also expect people who seem familiar on the outside to share our values.

It often takes only 50 milliseconds to make this estimate.

These bizarre mistakes of our unconscious are not as funny as they seem.

A person’s face can give us valuable clues about who he is (is he aggressive? Is he sick?).

Even at the dawn of our evolution, human life could depend on the ability to quickly classify new objects at an unconscious level.

To understand why baby faces make such an impression on us, we first need to understand what happens when we see a baby.

Photo Credit, Getty Images

Photo Caption,

Child-Type People Have Many Benefits

Childhood traits, as well as those we all consider “cute,” are actually little more than a series of developmental accidents …

At the time of birth, the baby’s eyes are already fully developed, unlike the head – so we get big eyes.

Likewise, as a person grows, the body grows much more than the head – therefore, the baby’s head also appears large.

Children also have more body fat than adults, which explains why they have chubby cheeks. Etc.

We are so sensitive to the systematic changes in the body that occur as we grow up that we can determine which of the two people is older, by the subtle differences in the structure of the face.

We may treat children differently, think they are cute or annoying, but we are all “programmed” to respond to their traits in the same way.

Seeing a child, we seem to lose our minds, and our speech turns into baby talk.

The important thing is that, looking at their innocent faces, we become less aggressive and more generous, smiling and sympathetic.

“These prompts are not captured by our minds: the brain reacts to them, and we do not even know about it,” says Keating.

The impact of “cute” facial features is so strong that they are used all over the world to boost sales and make cartoon characters more attractive to viewers.

In 2012, children’s faces were painted in several shops in South West London to reduce crime.

It doesn’t matter where we see these cute features – our behavior changes the moment our brain tells us that we have a child.

“They’re asking, help me, protect me, I’m not threatening you – that’s how it works with real children,” Keating says.

Photo Credit, (C) YouTube

Photo Caption,

When children’s faces were painted on these shops in southwest London, crime rates dropped

Participants in one study were shown photographs of children and men with childish facial features while simultaneously scanning them brain.

The mechanisms of neural activation in women looking at men with childish facial features and at children could not be distinguished from each other.

Women who use contraceptives or have a high fertility rate may be more sensitive to this factor than the rest of the fair sex.

Back in 2003, Keating decided to test the power of children’s faces over us. To do this, she used a classic psychological experiment called the “lost letter”, first conducted in the 1960s, adapting it for her own purposes.

The meaning of the experiment is as follows. Imagine you have found a lost letter. The address is written on it and the stamp is pasted, all that remains is to send it. Will you do it?

This is a very simple way to determine how willing a person is to help a stranger.

Keating and her colleagues wrote a cover letter for a fictional job and a resume for a fictional job seeker and printed 584 copies of them.

Attached to the letter was a stamped envelope with an address, apparently belonging to the potential employer, although in fact the letters should have ended up in the mailbox, the key of which was kept by Keating.

“The finishing touch to this set was a bright, self-adhesive note sheet that was handwritten, SEND TODAY,” she says.

All letters were identical, except for one detail: the person in the resume photo had either a disarming childish appearance, or the appearance of an experienced and discerning person.

Even the faces themselves were not real: they were “assembled” from the features of eight white and black men and women with higher education.

The images were then digitally processed to make the eyes 15% larger and the lips 15% plump or smaller and thinner.

“My students also participated in the experiment.They were constantly losing something, so I asked them to lose letters in one of the two cities chosen for the experiment. They were New York (USA) and Nairobi (Kenya), “she says.

Resumes were left on park benches, on the sidewalk, at public transport stops, in open-air markets, in telephone booths – anywhere , where there were a moderate number of people and at the same time not very windy.

Photo author, Getty Images

Photo caption,

Do politicians with softer facial features have the advantage?

The experimenters spent a lot of time and effort in creating these letters …Will at least one of them reach the “employer”?

Many letters were lost, but 36% still arrived at the address. Most of them contained CVs of applicants with childish faces.

“I have to admit that we felt a lot of guilt in doing this experiment. But if other people’s attitudes towards us depend on our facial features, then you just need to know about it,” says Keating.

People with children’s faces also indirectly influence our behavior, and this can have worrying consequences.

A few years earlier, in 1999, Keating conducted a similar experiment, this time involving the faces of politicians.

Unsuspecting participants were shown photographs of US presidents, processed to make their faces appear more or less childish, and asked to rate the degree of dominance, strength, cunning, honesty, attractiveness and compassion inherent in each of them.

As a rule, politicians with big eyes were rated as kinder, honest and attractive.This was especially true of President Clinton, who was in power at the time.

Keating believes that it was his childish appearance that helped him a year earlier: throughout the Monica Lewinsky scandal and the subsequent impeachment trial, he managed to maintain an inexplicable popularity among voters.

Because of the “overgeneralization effect”, we try to find the innocent qualities of children in people who just look like children.

“Forget about facial expressions, because it’s the structure that gives us these signals. The first impression of a person is formed on the basis of their facial features and firmly anchored in the brain,” says Keating.

She also emphasizes that most people tend to confirm their point of view, that is, they tend to seek and use only information that confirms the beliefs they already have. “People love to be right.”

However, a politician who looks like a child may have less chance of being elected.

People with a childish appearance are often considered more submissive, weak and less competent, and these traits are not the best for a leader.

Photo author, Getty Images

Photo caption,

Supermodels (such as Lindsay Wixon) often have childish facial features

There are many politicians in the United Kingdom who seem to be hindered by their looks from the former leader of the Conservative the party of William Hague, who lost 2001 to Tony Blair, to Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson, who just months ago was accused of being “not like a leader.”

For women in a similar situation, things can be even more difficult.

“Hillary Clinton had to come to terms with the fact that although she is an adult woman, her features are more childlike. And people do not even suspect what is happening in their heads when they look at her and say: I think she is not leader, but I can’t explain why, “Keating says.

But there is one nuance here. The disadvantages of this type of appearance – its owners are usually considered submissive, weak and incompetent – are also its advantages.

In the case of men who look like children, the so-called “self-destructive prophecy effect” can work.

In order to resist the expectations of society, they become even too active. On the other hand, this can explain their propensity for illegal behavior.

But why are there so many children in the world?

The good news is that, technically, all humans have childish facial features. Compared to other primates, we have a larger head, flatter face, larger eyes, and smaller jaws.

Plus we have relatively little hair and look more like baby chimpanzees than adults.

This idea is supported by the growth characteristics of the human skull and the fact that many of our genes are “turned on” later in our lives. Compared to other species, we develop very slowly.

It is possible that this is the reason why we are so different from chimpanzees, although it is believed that we are only six million years apart from them.From an evolutionary point of view, this is equivalent to one moment.

“If we look at the fossil record of mankind, we see the evolution from ‘tough’ to ‘graceful’ and we realize that over time our appearance has become more like a child’s,” says David Perrett, a psychologist at the University of St Andrews.

Photo author, Getty Images

Photo caption,

Or maybe we’re just programmed to treat nice-looking people better?

In addition to children’s facial features, we have also developed other abilities that are typical for children: for example, we remain curious even at a more mature age.

There are two explanations for this. First, there is a lot of evidence that we find people with a childlike appearance more attractive to us.

Perhaps our ancestors with the appearance of supermodels had more fans and, accordingly, more offspring (sexual selection).

This is supported by the fact that women with childlike features are particularly attractive, and women tend to be more childlike than men. But why?

“Evolutionary psychologists say that in a woman a man sees the mother of his future children, who can give him healthy offspring, and such traits are peculiar markers of this ability,” says Adrian Fournam, a psychologist at University College London.

Despite the fact that we all begin life with wide eyes and chubby cheeks, the structure of the face changes with age, acquiring signs of maturity.

Accordingly, young fertile women have more childlike facial features than older women.

In ancient times, children’s facial features could serve as a reliable sign of youth, however, due to the fact that individuals with them had a reproductive advantage, over time they became hypertrophied.

They can also indicate a healthy hormonal background, since the retention of some childhood traits, such as a small chin, is associated with estrogen levels.

And what about men? The appearance of modern male models can hardly be called cute, because a massive jaw and powerful, masculine features are in fashion.

But it turns out it’s not that simple.

Back in 1998, Perrette decided to do research on this topic. From several faces, he compiled the “average” male and “average” female and asked the volunteers to decrease or increase their level of femininity (childishness) or masculinity so that they looked as attractive as possible.

“To our surprise, people did not like faces with pronounced masculinity. They noted that such faces seemed cold to them.”

“More feminine faces for men and women seemed more pleasant and kind. Participants said they would have made better parents,” he says.

Photo author, Getty Images

Caption to the photo,

Bill Clinton, his childish features more than once helped to get out of the water. In this photograph, he is next to renowned musician Kenneth Edmonds, whose nickname is just Babyface

Perrette suggests that women find attractive men who come across as good fathers who can participate in raising children.

There is another, simpler explanation. If wearers of a cute face get so many social benefits simply from their appearance, then far in our evolutionary past, people with childish facial features could have a better chance of survival.

For example, in times of famine, they could very successfully beg for food from their friends.

Actually, the evolution of the child’s appearance type could be due to both factors, although the idea of ​​sexual selection is highly supported.

That’s all. The next time you gaze trustingly into the eyes of a friend, colleague, or someone you are dating, remember that you may be just another victim of centuries of systematic evolutionary deception.

90,000 Women and Men: Seduction Stories (film)

Women and Men: Seduction Stories (film)
Women and Men: Seduction Stories
Women And Men: Stories Of Seduction
Genre

drama

Director

Ken Russell

Main

Melanie Griffith
Elizabeth McGovern
Molly Ringwald

Duration

90 min.

Country

USA

Year

1990

IMDb

ID 0100949

Release of the film “Women and Men: Stories of Seduction” (original title – Women And Men: Stories Of Seduction)

Women and Men: Stories of Seduction – motion picture. A screen adaptation of the work by Ernest Hemingway.Viewing is not recommended for children and adolescents under the age of 16.

Plot

Interesting Facts

See also

References

Wikimedia Foundation.
2010.

  • Women in the National Assembly
  • Women and Men 2: Three Short Stories (Film)

Useful

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  • Griffith M. – Melanie Griffith Melanie Griffith Melanie Griffith at the Cannes Film Festival, 2000 Date of birth: August 9, 1957 … Wikipedia

  • Griffith Melanie – Melanie Griffith Melanie Griffith Melanie Griffith at the Cannes Film Festival, 2000 Date of birth: August 9, 1957 … Wikipedia

  • Melanie Griffith – Melanie Griffith Melanie Griffith at the Cannes Film Festival, 2000 Date of birth: August 9, 1957 … Wikipedia

  • The IT Crowd (TV series) – Computer scientists [1] The IT Crowd The IT Crowd emblem Sitcom genre The author of the idea is Graham Linehan Starring K… Wikipedia

  • The IT Crowd – Geeks [1] The IT Crowd The IT Crowd emblem Sitcom genre The author of the idea is Graham Linehan Starring K… Wikipedia

  • List of episodes of the TV series “Geeks” – Below is a list and description of episodes of the British television series “Geeks”.Contents 1 Review 1.1 Season 1 (2006) 1.2 Season 2 (2007) … Wikipedia

90,000 Women and Men 2: Three Short Stories (Film)

Women and Men 2: Three Short Stories (Film)
Women and Men 2: Three Short Stories
Women & Men 2: Three Short Stories
Genre

drama

Director

Mike Figgis

Main

Andie MacDowell
Kyra Sedgwick
Juliette Binoche

Duration

82 minutes

Country

USA

Year

1991

IMDb

ID 0103284

Women & Men 2: Three Short Stories released (original title Women & Men 2: Three Short Stories)

Women and Men 2: Three Short Stories – TV movie. A screen adaptation of the work by Henry Miller.Viewing is not recommended for children and adolescents under the age of 16.

Plot

Interesting Facts

See also

References

Wikimedia Foundation.
2010.

  • Women and Men: Seduction Stories (film)
  • Women at the feast of Thesmophorius

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90,000 Secrets of seducing men from French women

When you hear the word French, what comes to your mind? I imagine a girl with brown hair, fragile physique, in a beret or chiffon scarf.She has long beautiful fingers, neat nails, plump lips. She pouts her lips flirtatiously and smiles mysteriously. For some reason, I can’t imagine a French goth or with seeds near the entrance.

I understand that my performance is an imposed standard. Something like “all Russians sleep with bears and constantly drink vodka. And when they don’t drink, they play the balalaika. ” But the charm and femininity of French women is undeniable.

We wondered why most men are looking for wives among Slavic women, but dream of French ones? After all, ours are economic, responsible, and accustomed to everything.For a family, these qualities are very important. We rarely cheat, we love our men. We care, cherish and protect the stronger sex. And men still stare at others. Where is the mistake?

Having analyzed a lot of materials, we decided to structure the knowledge gained and identify the main secrets of seducing a man from French women. We were amazed at how easy and simple everything is! If our women used at least some of the advice of experienced and feminine Europeans, it would be so much easier to live!
So what are the secrets of seduction?

1.Appreciate yourself

A real woman, according to the inhabitants of France, should love herself. Cosmetic procedures, interesting work, hobbies, various interests, self-development are an integral part of their life. It doesn’t matter if a woman is in a relationship or not, she is obliged to live a full and fulfilling life.

Pay attention to how many of your acquaintances change for the worse after they start dating men? They either dissolve in their partner, or they launch themselves.

A true Frenchwoman believes that relationships are made for pleasure and joy.

You know, like brushing your teeth, eating at a restaurant, or gossiping with your girlfriend. This is fine. There are many good men, therefore, many options for subsequent relationships. French women know how to seduce a man correctly, unobtrusively and without vulgarities. Women very carefully evaluate the gentleman, his behavior, intelligence, sense of humor, attitude towards people and towards themselves. They look closely, trying not to make grandiose plans for the future.

What are we doing? As soon as a seemingly normal option looms on the horizon, we begin to fall in love.After a long relationship or several years of family life, we discover new and new character traits of our partner. We don’t always like them. The reason is simple – first you need to get to know the person, think over all the positive and negative aspects of the relationship and then make a decision. I’m not saying that French women have been looking or thinking for five years. They have sex with their boyfriends, relax, live, but in such a way that their feelings are tested by time. We have the opposite situation – half of the women are full of complexes, alone, unloved.One interested look of a man and they are grateful for his attention, trying to express this gratitude by bed, care or love.

The question of self-love, awareness of one’s own value, first of all for oneself, is the main guarantee of success. No man in the world can replace the pleasure of relaxation, the impressions of a concert of your favorite band, a painted picture, a written book or a tea party with your girlfriends.

2. Separate the spheres

Continuing the theme of values, it is also important to define the place of a man in your life.Draw a table on paper. Imagine these are boxes. Put all the categories of your life in a virtual box. Here is a sample of the possible options for dividing the spheres of life.

“Work”. This box should contain your colleagues, your boss, gossip, resentment, joy that you receive while performing your duties. Only colleagues can know your cleaning lady. And what gift to buy Panteleev for the anniversary is also interesting only at work.

“Girlfriends”. All the girls and women with whom you are pleased to discuss new things, fashion news, the marriage of Kristinka or ex.It is an outlet for your feminine essence, which brings you pleasure and fullness of true feminine emotions.

“Family”. Parents, relatives, visits, marriages, birthdays, or relationships are important to you as part of the family. Try to solve all family issues only with close people.

“Favorite”. His interests, mood, attitude towards children, the ability to make love, the amount of dignity should remain only between you. Never allow yourself to discuss your personal relationships with strangers.Just as your secretary is not interested in a relative’s divorce, your classmate does not need to know whether Ivan cheated on you or not.

When you share parts of your life, you will understand how much easier it will become for you. You can be happy in different roles – mom, daughter, wife, bitch, divorced or peeling in a beauty salon.

As the French women say,

A contented woman who does not fully reveal herself to anyone, knows how to keep her mouth shut, fill her life with colors and be active – is always interesting.

Protect your man from unnecessary information that you are used to discussing at work or with friends. Yes, sometimes it is possible and even necessary to talk about extraneous things, but it is categorically impossible to turn a man into “ears”, “girlfriend” or “brother”.

3. Flirt

Do not lose the ease that you had at the beginning of the relationship. Mysteriousness, hints, smiles, a special look are very popular with men. Flirtation and seduction are very close, so it is important not to lose the edge.French women have made great strides in the flirting industry. They always flirt and flirt.

Their playfulness, sexuality is visible not only to men, but also to women. They understand that being interesting, fun, and spontaneous is very important. And flirting is one of the main secrets of seduction.

The desire to please is always felt on a subconscious level. Therefore, a little flirtation, coquetry and a desire to be interesting to others will only dilute your relationship. When a man sees what a gorgeous woman he got, that other men are looking at her, and his friends speak well of her, he begins to be proud.And when a man is proud of his woman, he appreciates her even more.

4. Learn to be awkward

Never do hard work if you have a man. Ask him to put something, take it, pick it up. Sometimes shamelessly force him to help you. Sometimes – to see off to work, because you were frightened by a neighbor’s cow. Do not be afraid to ask him to cook, help with the housework, walk the dog, give you a massage, wash your hair.

When a man realizes that a woman needs him, he shows his best qualities.He wants to support and protect his beloved.

Our compatriots are used to doing everything themselves. How many times do we hear the excuse “I’m better myself, he won’t do well” or “I can’t rely on him.” How can you seduce a guy if you regularly perform the male role?

French women will never carry heavy bags or push a stroller if a man is walking next to them. They do everything to seem weaker, softer, more tender. Therefore, the attitude towards them is different. I agree that a woman should be able to do a lot.But when she is in a relationship, her main task is to develop her man and reveal his best masculine qualities.

5. Play

Treat your man as if you just met and are madly in love. Look at him with loving eyes, seduce, flirt. Never allow yourself to wear darned underwear or dirty items. Take care of yourself. Seduce your man with your voice, laughter, conversation. Bother him.

French women are not afraid to pinch their man’s ass or quietly touch his penis.They can accidentally bend over at a party so that the beloved man sees breasts or a bow on their panties. Flirting and seduction in French women is so skillful that it looks unobtrusive. The man is in good shape and understands that all female tricks and coquetry are only for him.

He is not interested in other women, because he is constantly seduced by his chosen one.

Our women make a huge mistake when they start to close and be shy. What a shame if you, hugging your beloved, whisper in his ear: “I want you right now … You are acting on me so that I am just dying to make love on this table.”Yes, you probably will not make love, but the man will ponder your words all the following time. And to offer him new items? Is it bad to put on a corset and behave in a relaxed and shameless manner? And letting your loved one stroke you above your knees when you dine in a restaurant? Play and seduction are a must. This encourages the man to be interested in you. He sees in you the object of desire and wants you. It strengthens the relationship and fills it with zest.

Always be a woman

An elegant, beautiful woman with a smile on her face and a devil in her eyes can live in any country.A woman who likes and feels loved is interesting to any man. Therefore, it doesn’t matter what country you live in, how old you are and how long you have been married. The main thing is to develop feminine qualities in yourself and emphasize your individuality. The ability to present yourself correctly, to feel happiness, femininity, playfulness can bring you much more benefit than books and manuals on the topic “How to seduce a man.”

Wear heels more often, feel like a naughty girl, love men, appreciate them for what they do and try to spend every hour richly.A full, happy life, pleasure from the moments lived and the ability to be a woman always significantly improve your outlook and interest men. And when a woman’s eyes shine, she is already seductive.

Love yourself, love the world and value every minute of your life. And the world will wink back at you;)

Seduction and its immediate consequences. The sacrament of virginity [collection]

Seduction and its immediate consequences

The suspicion, of course, was directed at the English governess, in whose presence there was a change in the boy.He retains two incomprehensible covering memories of her. Once she said to those who followed her: “Look at my ponytail!” And once while driving, to the great delight of the children, her hat flew off. This indicated a castration complex and led to speculation that her threats against the boy contributed to the fact that he began to behave so strangely. It does not pose any danger to the analysand of such a hypothesis; they never harm the analysis if they turn out to be wrong, and no one will express them, having no hope thereby approaching reality.Under the direct influence of this assumption, the patient developed dreams, the interpretation of which was not entirely successful, but which seemed to always revolve around the same content. As far as they could be understood, they were about the boy’s aggressive actions towards his sister or governess and about energetic reprimands and punishments for this. “As if … after bathing … to expose my sister … bedspreads … or blankets … I wanted to rip off or something like that.” But it was not possible to get anything definite from the interpretation, and when the impression was created that in these dreams one and the same material was developed in different ways, then there could be no doubt how these imaginary memories should be understood.Here we could only talk about fantasies related to the period of childhood, which once arose in the patient and which now reappeared in such a difficultly recognizable form.

Understanding them was not given immediately. The patient suddenly remembered the fact that his sister had seduced him into sexual acts “when he was still very young, on his first estate.” At first there was a recollection that in the closet, which the children often used together, she suggested to him: “Let’s show each other the pop”, and the word was followed by deed.Later I recalled a more significant one with all the details in time and place. It happened in the spring, at a time when my father was not at home; the children were playing on the floor in one room, and the mother was doing something in the next. The sister grabbed his organ, played with it and at the same time told, as it were, in explanation of incomprehensible things about the nanny. That the nanny supposedly does the same with everyone, for example, the gardener.

Thus, the previously foreseen fantasies became clear. They had to destroy the memory of an event that subsequently offended the patient’s male self-esteem, and they achieved this goal by replacing historical truth with something desirable.According to these fantasies, he was not playing a passive role in relation to his sister, but on the contrary: he was aggressive, wanted to see his sister naked, was stopped and punished, and therefore fell into the hysteria that his family had been talking about for so long. It was advisable to weave into this fiction the governess, to whom his mother and grandmother attributed the main fault in his fits of anger. These fantasies were quite consistent with the prevailing legends, with which a great and proud nation, over time, tries to envelop the weaknesses and failures of its appearance on the arena of history.

In reality, in this whole story of seduction and its consequences, the governess could only take a very passive part. The sister scene took place in the spring of the same year, in the summer months of which a governess appeared to replace the absent parents. The boy’s hostility to the governess arose in a different way. Due to the fact that she scolded the nanny and called her a witch, she followed, in his eyes, in the footsteps of her sister, who for the first time told monstrous things about the nanny, and thus gave him a chance to show towards her the same antipathy that, as we will hear, arose in relation to the sister as a result of seduction.

But the sister’s seduction was certainly not a fantasy. Its credibility was confirmed by a story in later adulthood, which the patient never forgot. His cousin, about ten years older than him, once told him in a conversation about his sister that he remembered perfectly well that she was a curious, sensual girl. As a child of four or five years old, she somehow climbed onto his lap, unbuttoned his trousers to take his penis in her hands.

I interrupt now the story of my patient’s childhood in order to say a few words about this sister, her development, further destiny and her influence on him.She was two years older than him and always stood higher in her development. As a child, she was boyishly playful, and then began to brilliantly develop intellectually, distinguished by a sharp realistic mind, preferred natural sciences in her studies, but also wrote poetry, which her father valued very highly. She was spiritually far superior to her first numerous admirers and usually laughed at them. But with the onset of twenty, she began to fall into a dejected state, complained that she was not beautiful enough, and began to avoid society.She was sent to travel, accompanied by an elderly lady; upon her return, she told completely incredible things about how her companion tormented her, but retained, however, a strong attachment to her imaginary tormentor. Shortly thereafter, on a second trip, she was poisoned and died away from home. Her illness was likely the onset of dementia praecox. This was one of the proofs of the strong neuropathic inheritance of the family, but by no means the only proof of it.Father’s brother, in his declining years, ended a life full of eccentricities, showing symptoms of severe obsessive-compulsive neurosis; a significant number of relatives suffered and are suffering from milder nervous diseases.

For our patient, the sister was in childhood, apart from seduction, an uncomfortable competitor in relations with parents; her constantly emphasized superiority was very painful for him. He was especially jealous of her because of the respect his father showed her for her intelligence and intellectual activity, while he himself, intellectually suppressed since the onset of his obsessive compulsive disorder, had to be content with a lower grade.From the age of fourteen, the relationship between brother and sister began to improve; a similar spiritual make-up and a common opposition to their parents brought them together so much that the best friendly relations were established between them. During one intense sexual arousal during the onset of puberty, he decided to try to establish an intimate physical relationship with her. When she refused him equally decisively and deftly, he immediately turned to a young peasant girl who served in the house and bore the same name as his sister.With this, he took a step that predetermined the heterosexual choice of an object, because all the girls in whom he subsequently fell in love, with obvious signs of obsession, were also from the servant and were inferior to him in terms of education and intelligence. If all these persons were substitutes for his forbidden sister, then it must be admitted that the decisive moment in choosing an object was the tendency to humiliate his sister, to destroy her intellectual superiority, which at one time so suppressed him.

To motives of this kind, dictated by the will to power, the individual’s drive for self-assertion, Adler subordinated, along with all other manifestations, also human sexual behavior.Without denying in the least the significance of such motives of power, I have never been convinced that they really can play the dominant and exclusive role attributed to them. If I had not completed the analysis of my patient to the end, the observations I made in this case should have served as an occasion to correct my preconceived notions in favor of those of Adler. Unexpectedly, the end of this analysis provided new material from which it became clear that these motives of power (in our case, the tendency of humiliation) influenced the choice of the object only as an additional tendency and completely rationally, while a real, deep, determinative reason gave me the opportunity to stay with my previous convictions.

When the news of the death of his sister was received, the patient said, he felt a faint hint of mental pain. He forced himself to show signs of sadness and could rejoice with complete peace of mind that he was now the only heir. By this time, he had already been at the mercy of his illness for several years. I must confess that this report alone for some time deprived me of confidence in the correctness of my diagnosis. It could be assumed that the pain due to the loss of the most beloved family member in its manifestation would stumble upon a complex due to incessant jealousy and due to the admixture of unconscious incestuous love, but I still could not give up the thought that an unmanifest explosion of mental pain should have find yourself some kind of replacement.This replacement was eventually found in another, which remained incomprehensible to him, a manifestation of feelings. A few months after his sister’s death, he himself traveled to the area where she died, visited the place of the duel of the great poet, who was then his ideal, and shed hot tears on that grave. This reaction seemed strange to him, because he was well aware that more than two generations had passed since the death of the beloved poet. He understood her only when he remembered that his father often compared the poems of his late sister with the works of the great poet.Another indication of the correct understanding of such an act of reverence, as if rendered to the poet, he accidentally cited in his story. Before, he repeatedly repeated that the sister had shot herself, and now he must amend that she took poison. But the poet was killed in a duel with a pistol.

Now I return to my brother’s story, which, however, from now on, I must explain it in a pragmatic way. It turned out that at the time when the sister began her attempts at seduction, the boy was three and a half years old.This happened, as has been said, in the spring of the same year, in the summer months of which the governess appeared, and when in the fall his parents, upon returning home, found such a profound change in him. It is quite natural to associate this change in him with the awakening of his sexuality that took place during this period of time.

How did the boy react to being seduced by his older sister? The answer is: a refusal, but the refusal was related to the person and not to the matter. His sister as a sexual object turned out to be unacceptable for him, probably because the attitude towards her, due to the competition due to the love of the parents, became hostile.He began to avoid her, and her claims soon ended. But he tried to find another beloved person instead of her, and the stories of his sister herself, citing the example of a nanny, guided his choice. Therefore, he began to play with his organ in front of the nanny, which, as in many other cases, when children do not hide their masturbation, should be interpreted as an attempt to seduce. The nanny disappointed him, made a serious face and said that it was not good to do this: the children who do this have a “wound” in this place.

The influence of these threat-like words can be traced in a variety of ways. Thanks to them, his attachment to the nanny was weakened. Now he might be angry with her; later, when his fits of rage came, it also turned out that he was really angry with her. But it was characteristic of him that at first he stubbornly defended any libidinal position, which he had to abandon. When the governess appeared on the stage and scolded the nanny, drove her out of the room, tried to undermine her authority, he exaggerated his love for the nanny and showed hatred and stubbornness towards the attacking governess.However, he secretly began looking for another sexual object. Seduction pointed him to a passive sexual goal: finding someone to touch his genitals; we will hear from whom he wanted to achieve this and what paths led him to this choice.

In full accordance with our expectation, we learn that with the first genital stimuli began his sexual exploration and that he soon faced the problem of castration. During this time, he had the opportunity to observe his sister and her friend while urinating.Thanks to his discernment, he could himself, observing them, understand the real state of affairs, but he behaved at the same time like any other boy. He dismissed the idea that he was seeing confirmation of the “wound” that the nanny had threatened him with and explained to himself that it was the “front pop” of girls. This decision did not end the castration topic; in everything he heard, he found new hints of her. When the children were once given colored oblong sweets, the governess, inclined to wild fantasies, announced that these were pieces of cut snakes.This reminded him that his father had once seen a snake while out walking and smashed it into pieces with his stick. He had heard a story read that the wolf wanted to fish in the winter and used its tail for bait, and the tail froze and came off. He asked about the different names that horses are given according to their sex characteristics. He was, therefore, preoccupied with thoughts of castration, but did not yet believe in it and was not afraid of it. The tales he knew at the time led him to other sexual problems.In the fairy tales “Little Red Riding Hood” and “Seven Kids”, children are taken out of the wolf’s belly. Was the wolf, therefore, a female creature, or perhaps men could carry children in their belly? It hadn’t been decided yet. However, during these studies, he did not yet know the fear of the wolf.

One of the patient’s stories will open the way for us to understand the change in character that occurred in him in remote connection with seduction during the absence of his parents. He says that after the nanny’s refusal and her threats, he soon stopped masturbating.The incipient sexual life under the guidance of the genital zone was thus subjected to an external delay and, under its influence, was thrown back into the previous phase of pregenital organization. As a result of the suppression of masturbation, the boy’s sex life took on an anal-sadistic character. He became irritable, showed a tendency to torture and satisfied himself in this way, torturing people and animals. His main object was his beloved nanny, whom he managed to torture to the point that she burst into tears.So he took revenge on her for the refusal received and at the same time satisfied his sexual desire in a form corresponding to the regressive phase. He began to show cruelty to small animals, catching flies in order to tear off their wings, crushing beetles; fantasizing, he also liked to beat large animals, horses. Of course, these were all active sadistic manifestations; the anal sensations of this time will be discussed later.

It is extremely valuable that at the same time, fantasies of a completely different kind emerged in the patient’s memories, containing pictures of how boys are beaten and flogged, especially beaten on the penis; and which boys were to be replaced by these anonymous objects, it is easy to understand from other fantasies that painted him pictures of how the heir to the throne was locked in a punishment cell and beaten.Heir apparent was himself; sadism, therefore, turned into fantasies against itself and turned into a mechanism. The fact that the sexual organ itself receives the punishment compels us to conclude that the consciousness of one’s own guilt took part in this transformation, which stemmed from masturbation.

Analysis left no doubt that these passive aspirations appeared simultaneously or very soon after the active-sadistic [87]. This corresponds to the unusually clear, intense and prolonged ambivalence of the patient, which was first manifested here in the uniform development of opposite partial drives.This state of affairs remained characteristic of him in the future, as well as another feature, which is expressed in the fact that, in fact, none of the libido positions he ever had was destroyed completely later. She persisted along with all others and gave him the opportunity to constantly fluctuate, which was incompatible with the formation of character.

The boy’s masochistic strivings lead to another point, which I avoided mentioning, because it was only definitively established by an analysis of the patient’s next phase of development.I have already mentioned that after the refusal received from the nanny, he no longer began to associate his libidinal expectations with her and directed them to another sexual object. That face was the then absent father. To this choice he was led by the coincidence of various moments, including accidental ones, for example, the memory of a snake cut into pieces by his father; but by this choice he mainly renewed his first and original choice of an object, which, according to the narcissism of the young child, was accomplished by identification.We have already heard that his father was a model for him, causing surprise, and when asked about who he wants to be, he usually answered: “Lord, like a father.” This object of identification of his active aspirations has now become the sexual object of a passive psychic flow in the anal-sadistic phase. It seems that the sister’s seduction pushed him into a passive role and gave him a passive sexual purpose. Under the constant influence of this experience, he made his way from a sister through a nanny to a father, from a passive attitude towards a woman to the same attitude towards a man, and at the same time still found a connection with his previous natural phase of development.The father became an object again; identification, in accordance with higher development, was replaced by the choice of an object; the transformation of an active orientation into a passive one was the result and a sign of the seduction that had happened in the meantime. An active attitude towards the almighty father in the sadistic phase would, of course, not be so easily realized. When the father returned – towards the end of summer or fall – the child’s fits of rage and violent scenes were given new impetus. In relation to the nanny, they served an active-sadistic purpose; in relation to their father, they pursued masochistic intentions.By manifestations of his depravity, he wanted to force his father to resort to punishment and blows and receive from him the desired masochistic sexual satisfaction. His wild cries were direct attempts at seduction. Accordingly to the motivation of masochism, with such a punishment, he would also find satisfaction for his feelings of guilt. He has a memory of how, during such a scene of “depravity,” he begins to scream louder as soon as his father approaches him. But his father does not hit him, but tries to calm him down by playing with him, like a ball, with the pillows of the bed.

I don’t know how often the unexplained “depravity” of a child gives parents and caregivers a reason to recall such a typical connection of facts. A child who behaves so obnoxiously makes a confession and wants to provoke punishment. In punishment, he seeks both the reassurance of the consciousness of his guilt and the satisfaction of his masochistic sexual aspirations.

For further clarification of our case, we owe the emergence of an extremely accurate memory that all the symptoms of fear joined the signs of a change in character after only one event.Before that there was no fear, and immediately after the event, fear manifested itself in a painful form. The time of this transformation can be established with complete accuracy: it happened just before his birthday in the fifth year of his life. Thanks to this period, the period of childhood that we will deal with breaks up into two phases: the first – “depravity” and perversity from the moment of seduction at three years of three months to the birthday, and a longer one – the subsequent, in which signs of neurosis prevail. But the event that makes such a subdivision possible was not an external trauma, but a dream, after which the patient woke up in fear.

This text is an introductory fragment.

Continuation for liters

90,000 Nestlé Russia has launched a new advertising campaign in support of the EXTREME

ice cream brand

Nestlé Russia has launched a new commercial for the brand of portioned ice cream EXTREME, the leader in the segment of waffle cones on the Russian market, on TV channels.

The idea of ​​the advertising campaign is to demonstrate the extraordinary, teasing taste of EXTREME. This ice cream is a real gourmet treat. And if it takes an incredible amount of effort to try it, it’s well worth it! EXTREME inspires and teases, provokes reckless actions and gives pleasure. After all, the more you strive to achieve pleasure, the sweeter the victory.

The plot is based on an EXTREM story of seduction. In the train carriage, the views of the main characters intersect, but the heroine has slightly different plans.Her goal is to get hold of the EXTREME Strawberry ice cream cone. Thanks to her audacity and resourcefulness, the heroine was able to quickly take possession of the desired dessert. She eats the last bite with pleasure, and he can only throw up his hands in bewilderment.

The main target audience of the video is ice cream lovers looking for new adventures and vivid impressions.

The campaign demonstrates in the best way the advantages of a product that combines delicate ice cream, juicy jam and waffle cone.

New video with the slogan “Tease. Enjoy. EXTREME ”has been aired by leading Russian TV channels since May 16, 2011. His creative was developed by Publicis United. The advertising video is placed by ZenithOptimedia agency. From June 2011, outdoor advertising will also be used in the campaign in support of the EXTREME brand.

Creative team members:

Nestlé Russia
Emmanuel Artur – Director of the Ice Cream Department
Alain Duvaud – Director of Marketing Communications
Yulia Krutsko – Marketing Communications Manager
Andrey Kutuzov – Senior Brand Manager of the Ice Cream Department

Publicis United
Executive Creative Director: Eugene Radewych
Deputy Executive Creative Director: Tim Brown
Copywriter: Polina Semenova
Art Director: Vladimir Vyshvanyuk
Client Relationship Director: Yulia Sokolova
Senior Account Manager: Tatiana Koroleva
Production Director: Leonid Zhestkov
Producer: Elena Viter

Production: Workshop

For additional information, please contact:
Nestlé Russia LLC, Department of External Corporate Affairs,
Olga Borodina
Tel.: (495) 926-4459, Fax: (495) 725-7172, E-mail: [email protected]

90,000 Cartoons that I would have banned

In Russia, the cartoon “Well, wait!” children will be banned from viewing. It is high time! Several years ago, I also proposed banning cartoons that decompose the immature minds of young Russians: “Well, wait a minute!” And now the predictions come true …

Recently, at my leisure, I watched popular Russian cartoons and was horrified by their ideological content.Somewhere out of fifty works I looked at, I chose only five at a guess. For example.

“Well, Wait!”

Cartoon about an ordinary Russian and Lolita.

The plot is extremely simple. A muzhikovy gopnik-wolf in family shorts and a vest apparently personifies a simple Russian man. For twenty episodes, this man has been trying to catch for his lustful purposes a nymphet girl from an intellectual family, portrayed by the creators of the animated series as a “cute bunny” (a “Playboy” symbol of seduction popular in the West).The man in this cartoon is depicted in the form of a degenerate and every time he turns out to be a fool from the freaks of a disheveled person. Each series burdens his body with an obligatory physical injury, or an injury that he inflicts on himself, as a result of the hunt for a long-eared nymphet.

In addition to this sexually “playful”, completely non-childish plot, the entire cartoon is a slander on the Soviet reality of the 70-80s. – broken roads on which the wolf makes its unsuccessful pursuit of a dream; plundered construction sites, where a simple Russian wolf injects until this bunny-bunny wanders into his facility; fool policemen depicted as stupid toothy beavers, etc.d.

In my opinion, this is pure sabotage.

“The Bremen Town Musicians”

Praise of the destructive activities of youth informal groups.

An ensemble of itinerant hippies was taken as a role model. Over the course of two episodes, an informal group sings songs about the joys of the wandering life of the so-called. “Hitchhikers”. The plot – the arrival of these “hitchhikers” in the capital, where, according to the plan of the leader of the gang, they kidnap the young daughter of the head of state, posing as the liberators of his throne.

The main characters of the cartoon – crooks hiding under the masks of funny animals, are presented to the audience as good friends of all underage girls and irreconcilable revolutionaries – opponents of the monarchy.

The rest of the heroes are endowed with negative characteristics. Tsar – God’s chosen lord of the state is depicted as a weak, weak-willed lazy person, whose main concern is not taking care of his country, but the continuous eating of dietary eggs. The highest military ranks are portrayed as cowards fleeing from a gang of unlucky robbers.The sovereign’s investigation is represented by an idiot detective with an artificial eye, and the habit of leaving bombs anywhere (!!!).

What is this cartoon promoting?

“Hedgehog in the fog”

Favorite cartoon of our liberal intelligentsia.

Plot: A hedgehog (a symbol of Russian liberalism) in a state of alcohol-drug trip, clearly suffering from “Korsakov’s syndrome”, wanders through the forest to the dacha to his friend Bear. And although the bear is depicted with the correct good-natured features of an ordinary Russian person, the very walk of a hedgehog carrying some “juniper twigs” as a gift to a Russian raises a lot of questions.Doctors treating chronic alcoholics are well aware of one of the central hallucinogenic images of “delirium tremens” – the image of a white horse appearing in the twilight state of a patient at the peak of alcohol intoxication. Oddly enough, it is this image that is central in the cartoon, as well as the image of a mysterious “someone” who helps the hero not to drown in the dark water of the night forest. And the very behavior of the hedgehog, scared away from every tree and leaf, painfully resembles the post-alcoholic fears of chronic drunks.

I would like to ask the creators, what is the story of this “children’s fairy tale” about? What way of life do they propagate besides the alcoholic and narcotic fog of our intelligentsia bristling with thorns?

Let’s not ask.

“Three from Prostokvashino”

At first glance, it is clear that this is a cartoon about the loss of family values. Unfortunately, it is also about something else. More terrible.

Here’s the plot. A certain Moscow boy from a prosperous family runs away from home and settles in a remote village with a cat and a dog.He conducts a joint subsistence economy with them, unexpectedly gets rich when he finds a treasure chest (!), Deceives the local authorities in the person of a representative of the Russian post office. That is, a cartoon about how an underage young man finds happiness leaving his father and mother, dropping out of school, settling with like-minded people in a secluded area, dropping out of social and public life and finding his new name. The still young boy is called by his devoted followers only “Uncle Fyodor”! Doesn’t this remind you of anything?

Typical description of a totalitarian sect.All the attributes of sectarian behavior are present, except for the main thing – religious doctrine. The authors of the cartoon, created in the atheistic Soviet times, tried to disguise it as much as possible. But, in fact, it remained on the surface. The Uncle Fyodor sect worships the talking bird!

A little dummy – a real miracle that amazes everyone who comes across this quack. In the end, the sectarian friends, tortured by the hungry and harsh village life, decide to take a desperate step and send their religious fetish to the boy’s parents, and by this they lure them into the sect.Do you remember the last words of the mother of “Uncle Fyodor”, based on the plot of the cartoon by a popular singer? “If I had a second life, I would have spent it here in Prostokvashino.” One of the Russian pop stars actually repeated her fate a little later, associating herself with the Vissarion sect.

Winnie the Pooh

The image of the Bear, the actual symbol of the current Russian statehood, is presented in the form of an absurd liar, continuously devouring sweets and making friends with a small-sized Little Russian pig.Ugh!

As a brief conclusion, I’m far from accusing the creators and distributors of these cartoons of inciting hatred and extremism, but it’s enough to see these pictures once to understand on what thin threads all these puppets are twitching in front of our children.

The original text was published in the author’s blog. The spelling, punctuation and stylistics of the author are preserved.


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